


garden of paradise

by dogmat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Always a Titan Eren Yeager, BAMF Eren Yeager, Broken Speech, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Eren Lives Outside the Walls, Eren Yeager Has Issues, Eren kills people, Female Hange Zoë, Manga Spoilers, No pairings - Freeform, Not Beta Read, OOC, On Hold, POV Third Person, Semi-Weekly Updates, Short Eren Yeager, Sort Of, Titan Eren Yeager, Titan Shifter Eren Yeager, minor 104th trainee corps, more tags will be added, past human experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 62,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26170636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogmat/pseuds/dogmat
Summary: Eren is a Titan shifter who lived outside the walls until Grisha appeared, however, things aren't as simple as they seem to be. He's older,mucholder than the walls themselves, and he doesn't appear to be any of the Nine Titans.Formerly known as: enigma on a spring day
Comments: 139
Kudos: 945
Collections: Anime FF, Start Reading





	1. he is Eren

**Author's Note:**

> AU—Canon Era where Eren is _not_ biologically Grisha’s child. Instead, he is a Titan shifter whom he found outside the wall and later adopted. Eren doesn’t have much eloquence when it comes to speaking and he’s rather short. Very short. 
> 
> This is my very first multi-chaptered fic, and please bear with me as I have no idea of what I’m doing. I’m not very confident in my story-telling skills, so constructive criticism is very much appreciated!
> 
> **Have you read the tags yet? If not, then no worries! I’ll put some main points down below!**
> 
>   * **Female Hange Zoe:** I am well aware that they’re non-binary and are written with ‘they/them’ pronouns, but in this fic, I will be using ‘she/her’ pronouns
>   * **Past Human Experimentation:** while it is a focal point in this fic, it is mostly mentioned, save for Eren’s flashbacks—which only skim through anything that may seem remotely graphic.
>   * **Eren has Issues:** when does he not? Well, not anger issues this time… just issues in general. 
>   * **NO PAIRINGS:** or at least between Eren and any character. All interactions are merely platonic. 
>   * **Eren kills people:** yes. He does. Scenes are only briefly mentioned or swiftly skimmed through. 
>   * **BAMF!Eren:** but NOT OP. He’s a human, and just like any human, he has his ups and downs. He might slip, make mistakes, and that’s perfectly fine. 
>   * **Always A Titan Eren Yeager:** sort of. ‘Always’ in a sense, but he isn’t born with powers. This concept will be elaborated later. 
>   * **OOC warning:** Eren is rather OOC, but not too OOC for people who have seen a mature version of Eren. He’s calmer, less prone to anger, but it is to be expected with the changes to his past. He’s still Eren, but less… hot-headed. To be completely, honest, it would be stranger for Eren to retain his youthful brashness, especially in the circumstances he’s in. 
> 

> 
> **I will add potential warnings in every chapter in the notes!**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/5/2021: Edited! I made some major revisions, so feel free to check it out!
> 
>  **Warning(s):** Canon Murder! Eren kills the human traffickers! Beware of broken speech, and deep mental thoughts (courtesy of Eren)!

The days of _before_ felt like an endless nightmare. There was no respite, only periods of darkness where all he could do was pitifully curl up.

It was never-ending; painful experiments always awaited him without a single rest, and soon enough, the agony was the only thing he could decipher from his crude phantasm. At the end of the day, he would lay somewhere, tired, and with blotches of darkness around the edge of his vision. The pain lingered, even after his injuries had healed, taunting him like a bratty child who wanted to do nothing but press buttons after buttons.

He laid on the ground pathetically, enduring everything that came his way. His days were spent like this, like a rewind button being pressed after every experiment. Each torturous incident felt the same because at the end of each of them, the pain was no different from the other ones. His arms ached, his body steamed, and his eyes were dried.

Despite only knowing the pain, he couldn’t help himself. Tears gathered in his eyes, blurring his eyesight before cascading down his cheek. That was the only gentle feeling he ever felt during the experiments; the little tickle with every droplet of tears that trickled down his face.

He wondered when it would all end. When the nightmare would be over. He should wake up, right? It’s been such a long time since he exited the nightmare… it should be over soon, right?

Right?

...

He was right. 

One day, there was a massive fire. Everyone ran amok, yelling and screaming as they ran throughout the rooms in an attempt to escape. 

Everyone… except him.

Rather than act like everyone else, who desperately tried to save themselves, he remained in the room. With a calmness he never thought he had, he relaxed; the tension leaving his body. The ground was scorching and it burnt his skin, but he never paid any mind to the pain. He was used to it, after all.

He watched the flames flicker and dance, the inferno reflecting on his dull green eyes. It hurt, yes, but it was worth it. The fire tickled his skin, leaving darkened splotches in its wake.

The chains keeping him in place rose to impossible temperatures and turned bright red just like the flames, and yet… he never moved. He could have easily broken through the chains at their state with a single pull, even with his current strength. He could have escaped like everyone else to have his dream come true… but he didn’t try to move. 

Because he was _scared_.

Dark thoughts whispered throughout his mind, stopping him from getting out. They stabbed his very soul, hitting every fragile area that he didn’t want anyone to see. It pressed the right buttons, whispering the right words.

_‘The world outside is probably worse than the world you know of now.’_

The dark voice inside of him whispered so worryingly, yet so seductively. It dripped with concern, all for his well being, and yet… it didn’t feel like that. It felt like he was adhering to a demon, who whispered tempting words, ones that seemed like they would help him at first, but would ultimately benefit the demon at the end.

He remained where he was, however, because he genuinely did want a respite. Even while knowing that the words kept him in place, caging him with invisible chains that were stronger than physical ones, he chose to stay. It was his choice, the final choice that he would make. The flames burnt his skin off, the smoldering heat weakening as consumed everything until nothing was left, but he was still hopeful that this would end him.

He would wake up from his nightmare soon.

The pain would end. The loneliness would go away…

So he remained seated, internally cheering as his eyes began to droop. Tiredness seeped into his very bones and his vision flickered from the flames… to _red_. Red… red… red… the color seemed so important… and yet...

He remembered nothing of _before_. 

He had no name, no family, nothing to remember… just red. Red… but different from the flames. The flames were rouge, wild, and unforgiving. But the red he remembered was a little different.

The red he could recall was dark, seductive, and nothing like fire, and yet they seemed similar; they were both painful. 

As his eyes closed, he wondered what freedom would feel like. Was there any way to describe that word? He wondered if anyone was waiting for him. If they did, they probably left. After all, a long time had passed since he entered this nightmare, and anyone who may have waited would have disappeared in resignation. He didn’t remember how long… but he knew with certainty that there would be no one there to welcome him. 

But that was okay. He would find someone else to be his friend. Someone to stay with him… someone…

...

_Where… where was he?_

Was this what freedom felt like? Was this the afterlife?

When he stirred, it was from the soothing warmth. It tingled his senses that had long since gotten used to the cold and heated up his whole entire body in a pleasant way. The warmth was so nostalgic, the vaguest memories of _fruits_ surfacing in his mind as he observed his surroundings.

He was in a forest, he belatedly realized. The trees were _tall_ , long, and huge. Little bits of light filtered through the gaps and lit up the floor, and only when he looked down did he realize that he was in his massive form.

The difference between his fragile and massive form was hard to tell. Other than the red-rimmed vision, there really was nothing he could do to tell apart from one and the other. Back in his nightmare, he remembered that the only way he was able to tell was by looking at his hands. In his massive form, his hands were large and thick. His wrist was veiny and muscled, very much unlike his fragile form, whose hands were small and fragile. They were thin, almost dainty in shape. 

When he looked up from his hands to stare at the rest of his surroundings, he couldn’t help but still in awe. There was just so much… _color_! Everything felt so new to him that he couldn’t stop himself from excitedly standing up to explore even further. He spotted several animals, all that seemed to be peacefully grazing on grassy areas. He saw many colorful flowers, most notably, a pretty purple one that grew in large groups. When he tried to pick one up in curiosity, he embarrassingly miscalculated the size of his hand, leading to him crushing the flowers underneath his hands. Dismayed, he could do nothing but send a silent apology before leaving to see more of the area with his newfound freedom. 

Eventually, he found a perfect spot. It was a rather large clearing at the edge of the forest. The trees shielded the clearing from the outside but gave a perfect view from the inside. For him, it was the most ideal area. He could see the flatlands from where he laid and observe the clear blue skies without any fear of being caught by whatever may roam the lands. 

Most of the days were spent watching the nature around him. He watched as the branches swayed left to right at the gentle breeze, the clouds moving and forming interesting shapes, and the sky as it changed colors, turning from blue, to red, to black. 

There was a definite clarity that wasn’t there before, he realized one day. He could remember each day perfectly, from the start to end, much unlike the days of his nightmare where he could barely recall anything but pain. The realization gave him a sense of freedom… a feeling that this was his new life.

He had no idea if this was the afterlife, but he was certain that he enjoyed it. While there were no people to keep him company, the animals were enough. They were kind, and they stayed. 

He was content.

And he was happy.

These days continued on like this, all similar, yet so different, and one day, he found himself closing his eyes.

The sleep that welcomed him wasn’t a nightmare… but a dream of warmth and happiness. When he woke up, he could no longer recall what went on… but he knew that it was a good one. He felt refreshed, happy, and much more energized than before.

 _‘How much time had passed?’_ he wondered when he sat up. 

The forest had changed. It looked significantly taller than the last time, and dirt covered his body. Instead of soft grass underneath his palms, there were rocks, and they dug into his palms rather painfully. His body felt old and unused, creaking as he stood up. With one look at his hands, he instantly knew that he was in his fragile form. Rather than the large, tanned, and calloused ones he was used to seeing, he saw frail, thin, and small hands. They looked delicate, just like the rest of his body. Part of him wondered why his two forms looked so different, but the other part didn’t care. No, it cared about the sheer size difference instead.

He had probably been asleep for a very long time, he noted. The rocks that were embedded into his palms were because he had been sleeping on the grass in his massive form. From the sheer amount of time that went by, his body was eventually buried. Hidden underneath grass for a lengthy period before disappearing, leaving nothing but his frailer form. There, he woke up. It made sense.

Shakily standing up, he staggered over to the edge of the forest. He used the nearby trees as something to hold on to as he slowly walked forwards, his bare feet slowly moving from dirt to soft grass before stopping beside a tree. He took a moment to catch his breath before looking out.

Then, he saw it.

It hadn’t been there before… it definitely wasn’t. He was absolutely sure of it. _Days_ were spent looking outside of this same spot, staring until the whole entire scenery was seared into his mind. So he was _certain_ that in the place that had absolutely nothing in the past… now had a massive structure standing instead.

 _‘That’s… really big,’_ he thought.

Later, he was rudely chased by large figures who were also _definitely_ not there in the past. They were large, some as large as his massive form. But they weren’t very smart. With an almost dopey expression, they chased after him stupidly, all lumbering in a clumsy fashion. 

Eventually, he learned that he, along with _those creatures,_ were called ‘Titan’ and that his fragile form was called ‘Human’. Humans lived inside the massive structures to be safe from Titans… but that meant that someone like him—neither human nor Titan—wasn’t normal.

Apparently, Titans were Titans.

And humans were humans.

Humans can’t turn into Titans and vice versa.

But then… what does that make him?

* * *

As time went by, he learned how to control his Titan form.

Creating was the easiest. All he needed was a reason, a motive, an intent, and blood. Of course, a small cut would do, but biting his hand was the simplest way. He would bite down hard enough for his skin to tear open, then, he would transform in an instant.

However, getting out was hard. He had to painfully extract his body from the connected tendons and muscles. His nerves would always scream in pain at the tearing nerve systems, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle.

He was used to it. And eventually, he got used to this too. 

Most importantly, he also learned about his weak point; his nape. It became easier to fight the Titans that attacked him because he didn’t have to attack every part of the body in hopes that it would eventually succumb. But it also gave him an awareness. Despite his fast healing, he would die if he let his nape be cut, even in his smaller form. With this newfound information, fighting the unruly Titans became much easier, and it didn’t take long for him to finally have peace in the forest again. Sometimes, he would go to sleep—but never as long as the first time. He knew because no grass ever covered him afterward.

Then one day, he spotted a human.

All in green, they flew around with a strange box that allowed them to act like birds. They held weapons in their hands that cleanly got rid of the Titans, their movements graceful as they moved to perform the killing blow. Oftentimes, he found himself watching from afar with sparkling eyes and ignited curiosity. Would he be able to do bird-like movements like them? Would he eventually be able to wear green? The little sparks of hope began, growing larger as time went by, but deep down, he knew that it was impossible. After all, he was neither human nor Titan. Humans lived in the walls and were the ones in green. So he could do nothing but stare from afar with unrequited dreams… and maybe help them once in a while.

That was how he met the Little One… or that’s how the Little One met him. 

The Little One was smaller than most humans, but his strength was more than all those humans combined. He was absolutely incredible. His movements were graceful like flowing water, and his strength—oh, his strength. The Little One, for all his size, was incredibly strong. For a slice that took the strongest man to struggle with, the Little One did it without a single sweat. 

Every time he spotted the humans in green, he always looked for the Little One. The Little One was always swift and graceful like no other human… but at the end of the day, the Little One was, indeed, a human, and humans had many more limitations than Titans.

As Titans surrounded the injured Little One, he made the split-second decision to intervene. He tore himself from his little hiding spot and punched the Titan as hard as he could—even at the cost of his own hand. He let out a satisfied grunt when the Titan’s head flew through the forest, spinning, before crashing into a branch. Unable to spare a glance towards the Little One as more Titans appeared, he positioned himself and prepared to fight. 

He could barely remember what he did to the Titans. Only the feelings of immeasurable rage remained, and by the time his vision cleared, the whole entire forest was covered in steaming carcasses. Concerned, he picked up the Little One like he did with an injured bird in his human form and watched with worried eyes. The Little One was injured, very much so. And yet, when the Little One realized that he was on the palms of a Titan, he began to struggle before doubling over.

Yes, the Little One was injured, but humans… they’re not _that_ slow at healing, right?

Wrong.

Hesitantly holding the smaller figure in his palms with as much gentleness as possible, he began to walk. Every few moments, he would stop to sniff at the air before resuming his little trek, and eventually, he reached the humans in green. Without wasting a single second, he slowly lowered the Little One to the ground before taking off with his hands covering his nape. He wasn’t too keen on getting killed, thank you very much.

Distantly, he could hear one of them squeal, “A Titan that knows their weakness!”

* * *

Eventually, he met a human that was like him.

He could turn into a Titan.

When he first spotted the man… was not a man, but a Titan. It was large, perhaps as tall as him, and it was also well-proportionate, unlike many mindless ones. He watched with caution and apprehension as the Titan ran towards the walls before pausing. At first, he expected it to change directions or do… anything, but against his assumptions, the nape of the Titan opened, and a man emerged. With wide-eyes, he watched as the man trotted over towards the walls before entering with a soldier in tow.

What?! It was that… simple?! Was the soldier an idiot? Or did he really not know that the man was a Titan?

Could they… were they unable to tell?

Hope grew in his stomach as he wondered if he, too, would one day be able to enter the walls as the man had done, but he could never find the confidence to do so. What if he was caught? What if… something went wrong?

Then, at a much later date, the man appeared again… and again… and again, only here to do the most trivial things. The man appeared to simply transform, get out, then transform, and… well, get out. There was no absolute reason, and he could only watch in confusion at the sheer abnormal behavior. However, at the same time, he wondered.

Should he reveal himself? Should he get out and attempt to join the man? Maybe… maybe if he did, then he would be able to join the humans in green. He watched with suspicion, stealthily observing the man in the shadows, but apparently, he wasn’t as discreet as he thought. 

One day, on a day like any other day with the man, the man transformed, got out, and then repeated the steps several times. Then, much to his surprise, instead of leaving like had always done, the man approached him. He had a small smile gracing his lips as he said, “I knew someone was watching me, but this… I hadn’t expected.”

He jolted up at the sudden proximity between them and promptly fell over. A hearty laugh emitted from the man at his near-comical reaction. He was grinning, amused at his expense. He watched with wonder as the man’s shoulders shook with laughed and resolved his raging heart. He decided that this man wasn’t a threat. This man… had known that he was watching him, and yet, he did nothing. _No,_ instead, he approached him in interest. He watched with dazed eyes as the man smiled warmly towards him before turning around, preparing to leave with a wave of his hand. 

_‘No!’_ he thought in panic. _‘Don’t go! Take me with you!’_

He outstretched a wavering hand towards the man’s back. He let out a soft sound when the man continued to walk, unaware of his sudden movement. The sound was quiet, almost childlike and keen, but it was enough for the man to pause mid-step. He didn’t turn around, though. 

He had two choices, and both of them could potentially change his life. He could run away from the man and lose the chance to ever live like a human and—and to fly like the humans in green. He could run and lose the chance of ever meeting a man like him ever again… or, he could get out of the Titan and follow him. There was no going back in either choice, and he had to choose. Fast.

When the man finally turned his head, he was met with a steaming carcass and…

“A child?” the man murmured in confusion.

The child in question had dark brown hair. He was rather pale and wore threadbare clothes that seemed to be a bit too large on the child’s thin frame. His big green eyes were bright and sparkled with determination, and there was no doubt that the boy would one day grow to become a heartbreaker. When he looked closer, he spotted little specks of gold around his pupils that almost _glowed_ ethereally. His thin hands were outstretched, hesitantly gripping on the hems of his jacket. 

Smiling, he kindly asked, “Would you like to come with me?” He then added, “I’m sure Carla would love you.”

* * *

‘ _Was there some kind of test?’_ he wondered. If so, then how did the man manage to pass it? Or… did he deceive them? Did he even take it? But if there isn’t any test to begin with… then that would mean that no human is guarding the walls. Does that mean that they would waltz in? Wait, but if that was possible, then he should’ve seen more humans outside than the humans in green.

It doesn’t make sense. It really doesn’t.

He bit down on his lip harshly, hard enough that he tasted the metallic taste of blood. The anxiousness inside him made him uncaring of the taste, however. His whole entire body was in turmoil, turbulence grasping him as a starved child would do to food. Every step he took felt like he had a massive boulder strapped on his feet; they were slow and heavy. And nothing eased his nervous state. No, it got worse. One step, and his legs were heavier. Two steps and he tasted more blood. 

_‘What if I get caught?’_

The man, despite being similar to him, acted more human. He spoke, wore clothes, and acted… just like one! But him? He was more like an animal. He couldn’t speak and he could only grunt and growl in response. He was neither elegant nor particularly refined, unlike the man who _exuded_ of… maturity. 

Unaware of his raging turmoil, the man continued to walk at a leisure pace. He walked with confidence, swiftly taking one step after another unlike him, who stumbled due to sheer nervousness. It wasn’t long before the two reached the entrance of the walls, easily entering without commotion. The two remained in the shadows as they walked through the path into the walls before swiftly walking into the crowded streets,

He watched in awe as the man effortlessly blended in with the crowd, acting as if he had never left in the first place. The man spoke, laughing along with the other humans, _acting like one_ , and in return, the others happily chatted with him comfortably. 

_‘Did they not know?’_ he wondered.

He stared apprehensively at the people around him, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of them. Clutching the man’s jacket like a lifeline, he stared at the ground. A deep-seated fear of him tentatively trickled out of the darkness of his mind, keeping his eyes on the pavement and fearful of doing anything else. He was scared that if his grip loosened, either from the crowd or from his curiosity, the man would disappear. And if the man disappeared, then he would be left alone… and what if—what if…

“Doctor Yeager!” One of them yelled, grinning towards the man as they enthusiastically waved a hand towards the man.

“Thank you so much, Doctor Yeager!” Another exclaimed.

In response, the man would kindly smile towards them. Sometimes, he would also wave a hand towards them. 

He watched as the people threw gratitude after gratitude at the man, and although he understood what they were saying, he was still confused. Why were they thanking him? He wondered if the man did something that led to this predicament, so he turned and observed his reactions, but the man simply smiled bashfully and went on with his way. The man’s behavior answered absolutely none of his growing questions, but only served to make more.

“A little overwhelming, isn’t it?” The man remarked kindly.

He stared at the other man, wondering for a moment, before nodding. It _was_ overwhelming. He had never been in a place with this many people before… and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. 

As the crowd thinned out, the number of people who called for the man lessened. By the time the roads became narrow and the mismatched houses turned into near-identical ones, the streets were desolate. Sometimes, though rarely, there would be cats or other little animals that slept underneath the warm afternoon sun. But for the most part, the road was completely empty save for the two. Abruptly, the man stopped in front of a seemingly random house. He turned to him, smiling.

“This is my home,” he explained. “And from now on, it’s yours too.”

* * *

The seemingly random structure was their—his—house. It was well-crafted, sturdy, and rather new. It was also large for only two people living… well, three, but the two didn’t seem to mind at all. On the contrary, they seemed to enjoy the large house. It was spacious, giving enough space for the two of them to be able to do their favorite things without running into each other’s clutter. Later, he learned that the man who picked him up was a _‘doctor’_ , someone who heals people. His name was Grisha Yeager, and his wife was Carla Yeager… and he was Eren Yeager.

Eren Yeager.

Eren.

He had a name now. _Eren_ finally had a name… like a human.

Eren Yeager was the son of Carla and Grisha Yeager, and despite the initial surprise due to the sudden appearance of a son (and because they never saw Carla carrying), any rumors were swiftly ended by a single swift explanation from Grisha.

“Carla was carrying, you see, but the child was born rather small and prematurely,” Grisha explained with a hint of sadness. And then he added, “Eren has a bit of a speech disorder, so we’ve been homeschooling him.”

And of course, who were they to question the _doctor_? Grisha was rather popular, even outside of Shiganshina. His medical prowess was loved by many, and for the townsfolk who knew nothing about medicine, all they could do was nod their heads in agreement, because it made sense, didn’t it? Even if Grisha just spouted a mountain of untrue things, the townsfolk knew nothing of it. 

For Grisha, however, he wondered if he should have taken back the whole ‘speech disorder’ facade. A few months into teaching Eren to read and write, he realized that Eren was _far_ from stupid. Easily picking up on both speech and reading, it wasn’t long before he was able to speak rather eloquently for a child who only started learning a _few months ago_ . Yes, there were still a few grammatical errors here and there, but that’s _fine_! He could still converse in full sentences and that’s a good thing.

Later, he lectured Eren on the behavior of following people home.

“You shouldn’t follow people home just because they offered to, okay? I know you did that with me, but it’s really not a good thing.”

Eren cocked his head to the side before nodding. “En, okay.” He grunted out.

Grisha let out a sigh. He would have to work on that. Despite being able to form full coherent sentences, Eren tended to grunt and growl to show emotions than actually _speak_. Maybe this was as far as he would be able to push Eren. Maybe not.

He watched as Eren stared out of the window with childish curiosity. Truly, the child was an enigma. Eren was a Titan who lived outside the walls for a very long time, long enough that he couldn’t speak. However, the boy seemed to understand their words perfectly fine. Part of him wondered if he was a child who was sent to paradise… but that didn’t make sense either, because if that was the case, then that would mean that… one of the nine Titans were roaming the island.

The Founder? He doubted it, but there was a possibility. He knew that Marley currently had seven out of the nine, and that left two more; the Founding and the Attack Titan. However, he had the Attack… or did Marley lose one of their Titans? That was also a possibility… but Eren had none of those characteristics.

If anything, Eren resembled the Attack Titan more than any other Titans.

So out of curiosity, Grisha asked, “How did you get your Titan, Eren?”

The brunet turned away from the window and stared at Grisha. He stayed silent for a while, neither answering nor refusing to. Then, he said, “Do not know. Just had it.”

Grisha glanced at the smaller boy. If… _if_ the boy had one of the nine Titans and the boy didn’t remember how long… then there was the possibility of him dying. Eren looked to be around ten or so, and that would mean he could have had the Titan for around… five years or so. 

However, if Eren didn’t have any of the nine Titans, that brought up another question.

What happened.

“Do you know how long?” He pushed.

Eren shrugged, “Before the wall.”

* * *

Eren made his first friend on a sunny afternoon. Less than a year had gone by since his father had taken him in, and his speech… wasn’t all too great. At least in his opinion. His words were often jumbled, and his sentences were always missing something. Of course, his father had been patient, happy even at his progress, but he wasn’t happy in the least. The townsfolk were kind towards his speech, always fixing his incorrect sentences sympathetically… but the same wasn’t for the kids.

The kids… were mean. They were spoiled, cruel, and all too willing to hurt others just for their personal pleasure. If someone didn’t conform to their ‘norm’, the bullies had no problem with targeting that person. And worst of all, none of the townsfolk seemed to have noticed… or at least until they targeted Eren.

Of course, he was bound to be targeted. A child with trouble speaking? The _perfect_ victim in the bullies’ eyes. However, even if he did look like a great target… well, let’s just say that he wasn’t the perfect victim after all. When he was attacked, the bullies were confident. After all, who expected a thin and scrawny child with too-big watery eyes to make a dent in the wall? 

No one did.

But the bullies were either stubborn or idiots because they always came back with more people.

 _Anyways_ , he made his first friend on a sunny afternoon, yes. He had just finished lessons with his father and was given the ‘okay’ to explore when he spotted the bullies crowding over something near the bridge. And of course, the bullies crowding over something always meant that something _bad_ was going on. Be it animals or kids, if they were in a circle, they were definitely doing something that wasn’t good. And he was correct.

A young boy, perhaps a whole head shorter than him, was on the ground, curled up. His clothes were in tatters, and bruises marred the boy’s pale skin, blemishing it with an ugly purple. A book sat discarded at the side, no doubt belonging to the blond boy. The boy raised his arms to shield himself from the rains of kicks, but otherwise did nothing else to stop them. Rather, he took the bullies’ attacks without a single fight.

Green eyes darkened at the sight, and within a second, Eren stood before the bullies, right in front of the blond boy. He wasted no time in throwing a punch towards the ringleader of the group, uncaring of the possibility of his nose breaking. After all, if they were willing to cause a few sprains and broken bones for a child, then they should also be prepared for the same. 

The red-haired ringleader stumbled to the ground on his rear. He clutched his bleeding nose with one hand, and as he used his other to stand back up, he was immediately thrown down again. The boy spluttered, enraged, but as soon as he spotted Eren, he immediately stilled.

One of the boys whimpered in fear.

If there was something scarier than a wall dented by a delicate-looking boy, it was said delicate-looking boy looking like a feral demon. With glowing amber eyes that gleamed animalistically, Eren bared his teeth threateningly towards the bullies. The amber eyes were quickly replaced with his normal green ones, but the effect was there. The bullies, all too afraid at this point, clutched their bruised and battered bodies and ran away from him. 

When the boys disappeared, Eren turned to the blond boy, frowning. “Why not fight?” He asked.

He observed the other boy, who sat on the ground, curled up. His body was hunched over, and his knees were drawn to his chest in an attempt to look small. At first, Eren thought that the boy would simply sniff and remain silent, but then the boy looked up, showing determined blue eyes, even if they were a bit wet.

“I didn’t lose.”

Eren cocked his head to the side. “They bully you because you do not fight,” he stated. 

The blond boy shook his head. “I didn’t lose,” he repeated, trailing off. He then added, “Because—because I didn’t run.”

Oh.

_Oh._

The boy was right. Of course he was. For someone like Eren, who spent so long living with animals and mindless Titans, of course he didn’t understand the logistics of a fight, because of him, a fight meant physical. He would punch and kick until his opponent was down, and that was when he knew he won. But for the blond boy, he had won by not joining. He won by not running.

Ah, he wants to be with this boy.

Maybe this was an unorthodox way of becoming friends—he didn’t know… Actually… he didn’t care. If the boy took his hands, then that was good. He would have a friend, and he would no longer be alone. Yes, that seemed nice. A… _friend_.

Eren extended a hand towards the blond boy, and softly, he asked, “What’s your name?”

The blond boy looked at his hand, then up at the brunet in surprise. He didn’t reject his hand, though. Tentatively grasping the other’s hand, the boy slowly stood up, dusting the dirt off his tattered clothes.

“Armin.” He looked straight at Eren. “My name is Armin.”

* * *

The days that were once spent walking aimlessly down the streets changed. He had a friend now, and this time, he had a place to go. Sometimes, the two would stare up at the sky on top of a tiled roof in wonder. These days, Eren was usually the one to take the initiative. With the flexibility that many dancers would envy, he maneuvered his body expertly, twisting and turning, grabbing and holding, until he reached the top without breaking a sweat. Then, he would pull Armin up from the bottom. Of course, he would later learn to climb up to the roofs—just not as swiftly as Eren—but it wasn’t today. Actually, today wasn’t even spent on the roofs. Instead, the rest of the day was spent by the riverbanks.

Some days, albeit rare, went by on the riverbanks. Eren would often sit by the side, gazing blankly at the sky with an indiscernible expression, and then Armin would arrive with a book in his arms. Today was no different. Eren dazedly looked up at the sky, still disbelieving of his current predicament. It almost felt like yesterday that he was taken in by his father, _that_ was how clear it was. He could still remember the immeasurable envy he held towards him, and the desperation as he tore himself out of the Titan’s body. 

He was desperate to get inside the walls at the time. With the dreams having a possibility of coming true… he took no chances. Grabbing his father’s jacket tightly with his small hands, he silently stared at him, waiting for his response. 

To be completely honest, it still felt like a dream… like a distant fantasy that he would soon wake up from. Then what? Would everything go down the drain? If this really was a dream, then where would he be when he wakes up? Would he be sleeping in the forest as a Titan, or would he be sleeping as a Human? Or… would he wake up in the nightmare and despair over the dreams that will never come into fruition? What if he was already dead and this was the afterlife? What if—

“Eren!”

Eren snapped out of his thoughts. He tensed at the nearing footsteps, before relaxing. “Armin,” he greeted.

Armin grinned brightly and pulled out a large tome for him to see. The book was worn, the edges fraying, but it was no less beautiful. The cover was velvet, and thin, faded, yet intricate, and golden decorations adorned the corners. The blond boy fumbled over the pages, excitedly looking for a page before laying it out flat on the ground.

“It’s a book about the outside world!” exclaimed Armin excitedly.

His eyes widened when he looked at the faded writing on the yellowed paper. An ocean, a large body of seawater whose salt could never be diminished. An ocean… Eren had never seen the ocean. The ocean was too far, too distant for him to reach, and he wasn’t sure if he even lived near one. His time outside the walls was spent in a large forest, and he never bothered to venture out because he always wanted to catch a glimpse of the humans in green as much as possible.

But… the ocean sounded great. His heart soared at the concept of exploring the world together, and he couldn’t stop his ever-growing excitement whenever he imagined what the _ocean_ might look like. Was it clear like the rivers? Was it murky like the ponds? Or… was it a completely different color?

What did the ocean look like?

* * *

Grisha wasn’t ignorant of his adopted son's no-friend-except-Armin status. He knew, but he tended to not worry. After all, wasn’t Eren happy? However, his wife thought differently. Carla was worried and she spent her nights concerned over her adopted son's well-being. Was he doing okay? Was he bullied? (yes, but he wasn’t going to say so) Grisha’s only way of easing his wife’s worries was to promise to take him on his next house-call. The Ackermans had called him for a check-up and a potential pregnancy, and if he recalled correctly, they had a daughter around the same age—or looks to be—as Eren.

“The Ackermans have a daughter; Mikasa,” explained Grisha.

Eren perked up. “Mikasa?” he repeated.

Nodding, Grisha said, “Please try to get along. Having more than one friend is a good thing.”

In an almost petulant manner, Eren huffed. He looked away and pouted at the wet ground. “I have Armin. It enough.”

“ _It’s_ , Eren.”

“ _It’s_ enough,” recited Eren. 

Grisha smiled at the young boy. He turned back to the cabin doors and knocked lightly on them. There was no reply from the other side, but he didn’t think much about it. Knocking again, he called out, “Mr. Ackerman, it’s me, Dr. Yeager!”

Again, there was no reply. Did they leave today? But that wasn’t possible. The Ackermans rarely left their abode, and they certainly wouldn't have done so in such weather. It was _pouring_ , and thunder crackled ominously above them. Plus, it wasn’t like this was an impromptu visit. 

Eren let out a disgusted noise and buried his face in his red scarf that Carla had knit for him. His face was scrunched up in repulsion as he used one hand to cover his nose. It was as if he had smelt something putrid like…

“It stinks,” Eren complained. “Do they kill animals here?”

“Eren, of course they don’t…” Realization dawned upon him. He paled, and without wasting a single moment, he pulled open the door—which was unlocked—and stumbled backward at the noxious smell that hit the full force. Uncaring of the hinges he had pulled off, he quickly walked into the gruesome scene.

Two bodies were near the doorway. Mr. Ackerman—the blond man—was slumped by the wall, adjacent to the doorway. His head was faced down, and dried blood stained his white shirt into a mottled brown. Not only his shirt but also the floor. Blood puddled around the corpse, staining the wooden floor in burgundy liquid. At a closer look, Grisha saw the lax, yet semi-shocked look that was frozen on the man’s face. Mrs. Ackerman, on the other hand, laid near the doorway. Her stomach was faced upwards, giving a clear view of the wound on her neck. There was a pair of scissors in one lax hand while her other was outstretched towards the back rooms. 

By the looks of it, the family had been waiting for his arrival when they were brutally killed. The sewing set sat on the table, with one embroidery hoop thrown hastily on the table while the other was on the ground, abandoned.

Grisha checked the two bodies’ pulses, tenderly staring at the couple in sadness. He gave a quick prayer for the late couple before jerking his head to the side. Mikasa. Where was she? He turned to Eren, who walked out of the back rooms. Alone. The brunet shook his head, signaling that there was no one else in the cabin.

Sighing, Grisha stood up and told Eren to wait at the foot of the mountain. When the brunet turned to him with an inquisitive look, he said, “Military Police.” Both knew that it was futile, however. If the Military Police didn’t give a damn about a serial killer, then they certainly didn’t care about some human traffickers. Cruel, but this was the reality.

The Military Police often labeled these types of cases as ‘unsolved’ or simply ‘missing’, only to be forgotten and never be brought up ever again. With that in mind, Eren did exactly the opposite of what Grisha had told him to do. When his father disappeared into the rain, he moved.

Walking down the little mudslide, cautious of how slippery it was, he followed the large boot prints that were imprinted onto the mud. He was a bit unsure at first, unaccustomed to this type of ‘hunting’, however, he was certain that he would succeed. The smell was faint, almost gone due to the rain, but it was there. _Blood_ was a scent that he could never forget, for some reason.

He prayed that he wasn’t too late.

He prayed that the girl—Mikasa—was still there.

If there was a single shred of reluctance before, he was certain that it was gone now. It was gone; disappeared like how his memories vanished as if they never existed 

_‘The world is a cruel place.’_ he thought solemnly.

When he still lived outside the walls, still unused to his newfound freedom after his ages-long slumber, he believed that the world was black and white. He thought that everything was at face-value. Still did, actually, at least until he saw the bullies. He always concluded that the Titans were bad and that humans were good… but ever since he met the bullies who did nothing but prey on the weak… he wondered; was that really true? Were humans all good? 

He was good. His father was good. But both of them were Titans. The bullies were humans, but they acted cruelly. They _enjoyed_ tormenting those who were weaker than them. 

He of all people should have known… _known_ that nothing is at face value. Did he really learn nothing during his time in the _nightmare_? Or did he choose to conveniently forget about it to be able to have an easier time simplifying the complex world? 

_‘Yes,’_ he admitted internally.

The world was a cruel place. He knew that. But he wanted to ignore that one fact. He wanted to see the world in his way, in how he wanted it to be seen… like how he dreamed it to be, so he warped everything for his own benefit. He oversimplified and conveniently erased the horrible deeds of the human, and strengthened the bad things the Titans did. 

Who was the bad one here?

Was it Eren, who wanted nothing more than to live a simple and naive life? Or was it the world who cursed him with this fate?

The time spent in the nightmare wasn’t painless. Those _people_ knew what they were doing and voluntarily chose to inflict pain on him. They were people. Humans. And that alone should have told him that one group of people, species, or race shouldn’t—couldn’t be defined in one word. Still… he didn’t want to face the reality of things. He wanted to live a life of paradise in his little garden of Utopia, unaware and ignorant of the truth.

“The… the world is a cruel place,” he whispered painfully. And he… he wasn’t—

No. Eren… he was a good person. He’s saving someone from—from animals. Yes, _animals_ . Beasts who shouldn’t even be alive. Their lives should be stripped away from them, just like they had taken other’s lives. He was a good person. _He was the good guy_. 

Holding the knife behind his back and masking his expression into one of innocence, he knocked on the door and said with a fake hesitance, “E-excuse me.”

_‘I’m the good guy. I’m just saving a girl.’_

He acted as the perfect lost child, deceiving the men so well that they never knew what hit them until it was too late. Was he also deceiving himself? He didn’t know… but he knew that he didn’t have a single bit of remorse reserved for these men.

His small, delicate hands roughly pushed the blade into the man’s neck, and by the time the other man—the one who sat in the chair near the window—realized that something was… wrong, the other man had already fallen into his own pool of blood, and he had a wound on his chest. Still, he tried to wave his ax around, hoping… _hoping_ that one strike would hit the boy, but to no avail, he eventually fell to the ground, limp.

Eren was too confident.

By the time the third man arrived, it was too late. He had pulled him up, dangling his smaller body in the air in an unforgiving grip and…

And…

He couldn’t move.

It felt like he was back in his nightmare.

_Darkness… coldness… No… don’t fight back._

_He won’t fight back, not anymore, so please…_

_Please don’t—_

“Eren!”

Eren flinched, blinking at the unfamiliar scenery. There was a hand on his shoulder, large, warm, and… no. Not _before_ . He wasn’t going to think about the past. His first reaction was to curl up, and maybe hope for the hand to disappear, but then he realized… that he was no longer _there._

He wasn’t there. 

He was in the walls, with a family, with a friend…

Blankly, Eren stared at his father.

“Are you okay?” asked Grisha concernedly.

Eren didn’t answer. He turned to Mikasa, who stared right back. She wore thin sleeping wear that was in no way suitable for the chilling outside, and her feet were bare. It was a good thing that the floor wasn’t muddy anymore, he thought. Mikasa clutched his father’s oversized jacket around her thin shoulders tightly and she gazed at his face with dull grey eyes. She shivered for a moment, before tensing. When she averted her gaze away to look at the ground instead, Eren spotted the dried blood on her cheeks that contrasted against her pale skin.

Suddenly, he was reminded of the cabin. 

Jerking his head to the side, his eyes caught the dark cabin not far from them. Two Military Police soldiers stood at the entrance, glancing from the paper in their hands to them. It was then that he spotted what was in their eyes.

Pure, unadulterated fear.

Unaware of his thoughts, Grisha continued harshly, “I told you to wait down at the foot of the mountain!”

“It—It would be t-too late,” Eren whispered back. Tears gathered around the corner of his eyes. _‘I just saved a girl. I’m a good person. I…’_

“Eren.” His tone was much quieter than before. It had lost the sharpness that laced his words just moments ago, and it was nearly inaudible had Eren not been standing in front of him. Then, just as quietly, he said, “I know you’re strong, and I know you’re okay… but when you freeze up like that—” His warm hand gently caressed Eren’s steadily healing bruised throat. “What would have happened if he broke your neck?”

Eren frowned. “I… I would be fine,” he answered truthfully. He wouldn’t have died. He wasn’t even sure if the destruction of his spine would kill him… but he wanted to take no chances. Touching his neck with one hand, he slowly rubbed the bruise back and forth. There was a slight tingling around his neck, and by the time his hands returned to his side, the mottled purple handprints were gone, leaving unblemished skin. “See. It already healed.”

Grisha let out a resigned sigh. He turned to the black-haired girl and smiled. “Mikasa,” he began, standing up from kneeling in front of Eren to turn to her. “We’ve met a few times before.”

She acted as if she hadn’t heard him. Staring unwaveringly at the ground, her dull grey eyes remained fixated in place. Her black hair curtained her face, obscuring much of her expression. Then, before Grisha could continue, she nodded. When she shivered, it was much more noticeable than before, the grip on the jacket tightening as she attempted to warm her body.

“Where do I go now?” 

Grisha watched as Eren walked past him, unraveling his red scarf with every step. 

Mikasa stared at Eren, wondering what he was doing, but before the question could leave her mouth, she felt the warm scarf being wrapped around her. At first, Eren seemed to be determined, gently wrapping the scarf around her neck in circles, but by the end, it was as if he had given up. He had simply thrown the ends of the scarf onto Mikasa’s face.

“You are cold,” stated Eren. “Here.”

Pale hands gently touched the scarf, savoring the warmth. The fabric was warm against her cold frame, comfortably so. Mikasa buried her face beneath the fabric and gazed at the green-eyed boy. The two continued to stare at each other before the brunet looked away. o

A light pink dusted over his features as he asked, “Is it warm?”

Mikasa nodded. “Mn.”

Later, Eren would wonder if this was his second friend or his first sibling. They were just as important… just as special… but truth to be told, he didn’t care that much. Whichever that it may be, it would be important. That wouldn’t change.

For now, it didn’t matter if he was a bad person. For him, if Mikasa considered him to be a good person, then that would be great. If the bullies in Shiganshina labeled him as a bad person, then why should he care? They were just as bad, if not worse.

So when Eren grasped Mikasa’s freezing hand with his warm one, he gently pulled her over. She was his friend. And she was also his sister. 

“Let’s go,” he said. “... home.”

He added, “Our home.”


	2. he is cowardly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was no longer the son of Carla and Grisha Yeager; the boy who lived in Shiganshina with his adopted sister, and the child who enjoyed playing with his friends. Instead, he was the subject, the thing who was experimented on in a nameless location. He felt as if he was back in the foggy nightmare; cold, scared, and injured, and then hot, burning, and dying. The orange and red hue of the setting sun that illuminated his new home was a reminisce of that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning(s):** Murder! Also, wonky POV! This chapter will feature a lot of sporadic flashbacks! The 'Human Experimentation' will make an appearance, but there will be no graphic torture. Or any torture in that matter! However, Eren will be killing people, so please proceed with caution!

He was no longer the son of Carla and Grisha Yeager; the boy who lived in Shiganshina with his adopted sister, and the child who enjoyed playing with his friends. Instead, he was the subject, the _thing_ who was experimented on in a nameless location. He felt as if he was back in the foggy nightmare; cold, scared, and injured, and then hot, burning, and _dying_ . The orange and red hue of the setting sun that illuminated his new home was a reminisce of _that day_. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts when lightning fell before a figure emerged behind the walls. 

_A Titan_.

A hand lifted near his face and his teeth were bared, however, he faltered when the walls caved in and the splinters flew; one notable large piece flying towards his house. Fear held his heart in a vice grip, causing it to beat erratically, and he didn’t hesitate to start running against the tide of people, ignoring the cries of his friend. His eyes swam left and right constantly and his pupils dilated with every corpse he saw littering the streets of Shiganshina.

There was a weeping child, her hair in disarray as her little hands grabbed the rock before her. Blood oozed from underneath the slab and Eren caught the barest glimpse of a pair of feet before he turned away, resuming his mad rush to his house.

 _When I turn this corner… my house will be right there_ . He skidded to a halt. _No_ , he thought despairingly. _No._.. 

His house was destroyed from the debris; the remnants of the structure crushed to unrecognition, and underneath it… was Carla. Her expression was contorted in pain, blood trickling down her forehead, and every moment or so, she let out a pained moan before letting out a breath. And the whole time, Eren could do nothing but freeze at the sight.

He had the power. He had the strength. He had the ability that was bestowed upon him under the presence of a blessing. 

Yet…

He couldn’t use it. He couldn’t bring himself to spill his blood to transform, and as a result, he was frozen as a familiar soldier picked him and his sister up to escape, leaving his mother to die under the hands of a smiling Titan. The Titan’s grotesque upturned lips opened their mouth gleefully, and as if in slow motion, their small hands slowly brought the limp figure up to their mouth before biting down, severing the body into two, and spilling a great deal of crimson liquid onto the ground.

 _It’s happened again_. He thought. A distant memory of a blood-soaked room and the two figures that laid dead in the darkness rose. The recollection disappeared as soon as it came, however, and he was left wondering where he had seen the scene before.

_You did nothing as she screamed in agony over and over again until her voice slowly died out, leaving nothing a lifeless corpse._

_Why was this the reality?_

_Why was his kind so merciless?_

By the time the Survey Corps arrived, flying gracefully in the air like birds, Wall Maria was in scatters. Corpses lined the empty streets and the Titans staggered clumsily, uncaring of the structures they crumbled as they searched for food, and even as the people in green continued their desperate attempts at preventing the figures from further destruction, it was all futile and bitter thoughts were all that were collected from that day.

* * *

Eren gazed vacantly at the brick walls, his eyes dull and devoid of emotion. He fidgeted with his fingers, twisting and twiddling them as he sat on the hard cold floor in the darkness. The incident was imprinted clearly in his mind; the crushed figure, the looming giant, and blood dripping all over the place. He let out a soft sob that echoed throughout the silent room. _Why did she have to die? Why was she so… fragile?_ He thought.

The brunet paused when he heard a faint shuffling coming from outside. He listened…

“—sha, what are you—"

He blinked at the figure at the doorway. “ _Dad?_ ” 

Grisha, sweat trickling down his cheeks, hair in tangles, and clothes wrinkled in disarray. His dark green eyes were blown wide in panic as he rushed over to the smaller boy. He grabbed the brunet tightly on the shoulders in a bruising grip, demanding, “Where is she?”

“Grisha!” The soldier chastised.

“Where is Carla?” He repeated in a much calmer voice. His eyes moved to the side, searching for a familiar figure.

“She… died.”

Eren continued, “She was eaten by a Titan.”

He saw the soldier freeze up the moment the words left his mouth, and he could see that Grisha acted similarly, his grip on his shoulder loosening before shooting out to capture his hand. Despite the questioning look he gave the taller man, the taller man refused to look his way, only pulling him up harshly before walking out of the shelter. He could hear the soldier calling out and only when Grisha paused to reply did he actually listen to the words.

“My _son_ isn’t like you,” he interjected. “He is _special_.”

 _Special_.

Grisha turned back to Eren. “Come.”

He pulled the smaller figure with him deeper into the forest, and Eren felt strangely nostalgic at the hazardous tree roots that protruded up from the ground. It was dark; the lack of light in the sky causing the forest to be pitch black. He wanted to speak, to ask more questions, but he persisted in his muteness, limply following wherever the taller man pulled him.

* * *

“You had the power… you were special.”

“Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you use your power?”

“You said before the walls, didn’t you?”

“I wonder…”

_“This is for your own good.”_

* * *

The soldiers weren’t kind in their treatment of the refugees. They were horrible, spitting insults nonstop, knowing that the recipient couldn’t retort, and some went as far as to eat the food that was for them, complaining that the food _belonged_ to the soldiers in the first place. 

Three days later, the residents of Wall Maria that were over fifteen were forcefully drafted—including Armin’s grandpa—and while 250,000 people left, not even 200 returned, and all those members soon died. Despite the mass purge, as Armin called it, food was still scarce and it wasn’t long before a new order was released, stating that the surviving citizens in the shelters were being taken to the fields to raise crops. With the loss of Grandpa Arlert and the missing Grisha Yeager, the three were confused as to what they could do.

“The fields,” Armin repeated. He let out a broken sob. “We won’t survive there!” 

“A job?” Eren suggested. “We can find job.”

“Find _a_ job,” Mikasa corrected.

The brunet huffed. “We can find _a_ job. Somewhere nearby, and maybe house too.”

Armin shook his head. “People are being laid off daily. How can we even find one?”

Eren shrugged. “We can ask.”

At Armin’s confused look, Mikasa said; “Eren meant that we can ask around for any open jobs.” She nodded at the brunet who smiled at her.

Despite the suggestion and the optimistic tone Eren had, Armin continued to look unsure of himself. There was a permanent frown perched on his mouth and his brows were furrowed, refusing to relax even in slumber. When the next day came, the three set out to find a job, preferably with housing, but a job nonetheless.

* * *

“You?”

“No.”

“You?”

Mikasa shook her head.

Armin sighed, slumping to the walls as he stared at the ceiling with a forlorn expression. “We’re being sent to the fields in three days,” he stated quietly. “Is there really nothing we can do?”

 _There’s nothing we can do unless we find a job._ Eren thought.

The three curled up next to each other, Eren in the middle with Mikasa and Armin on both sides of him. No one spoke for the rest of the night and the tension was thick in the air as their fate approached them with every minute.

* * *

The streets were quiet at night and the only sounds were the rustling noises of people shuffling to their destination and the rats that scurried from alley to alley in search of food. There was one lamp at the end of the avenue which led to a cleaner part of Trost, leaving much of the grimy backstreets in the dark. There weren’t many that roamed the area at this time and had Armin known that the darkened lane was brimming with shady behavior, he wouldn't have taken his time on his job interview—which he didn’t pass, but barely. They told him that he looked much too fragile for the questionable job as the bookkeeper regardless of his outstanding talents and that he was a little too petite for their liking. Dejected and a little annoyed, the blond left the residence, unaware of the time that had passed and the shorter days due to the nearing winter season. 

“What’s a cute girl like you doing ‘ere at night?”

Oh, yes. Back to the topic; Armin deeply regretted the time he spent at the dwelling, not because he feared Eren and Mikasa’s wrath, but because of the lecherous men that drifted through the streets in search of an easy (and cheap) time.

“I-I need to get back.” Armin tried to pull his hand away from those pudgy and large fingers, only to have them tighten harder in response. He winced.

There were two men, the one before him looking shabbier than the one in the back. Both of them wore a hat that concealed much of their face—not that he could have seen them with the engulfing darkness—and their clothes showed that they were a medium-class citizen that leaned more rich than poor.

For the first time, the silent man who did nothing but watch spoke; “You seem to be under the pretense that you have an opinion.” His voice was dark and rugged, borderline raspy as if he rarely talked.

Armin stiffened at the statement, glancing fearfully at the other man, recoiling at how he seemed to pant in a revolting manner. Tears brimmed his eyes and it wasn’t long before they stained his cheeks. He yelped when a hand grabbed the collar of his shirt. _NO!_ He wanted to scream. He struggled harder when they began unbuttoning his clothes, desperate for an escape.

That was how Eren found him.

* * *

_I want it to end._

The cage was a small little thing. Dirty and rusted, it was the perfect definition of unkempt. A small mattress was placed at the edge—the furthest away from the door—and it was grimy; no longer resembling the clean white it once was. Exactly four chains protruded from the walls; two for arms, and two for legs. Because of this, his hands were held limply by the sides, and his knees were drawn to his chest. His clothes were no better than the mattress. It was grey, maybe it was once white, but it was grey nonetheless. His shirt was wrinkled and frayed near the edges, and the crude sewing closed the ripped areas. His pants were in a similar state. Grey from the lack of washing, ripped from the harsh treatment and frayed from the longtime use. The clothes were almost the same hue as his skin, he remarked as he observed his sleeve. He shook out the curtain of hair that obscured his view and internally wondered how he looked. He knew he had grey skin and blackish-hair (assuming that the black _isn’t_ grime), but _what else_?

He turned his focus from his clothes to what lies beyond the cage. A stark opposite from his filthy room, the room beyond it was clean, _sparkling_ , even. On one side, there were shelves of tools ( _torture objects._ He thought), and on the other was a long wooden table with unorganized piles of paper. From a glance, he could see the ring of keys at one side of the table, and the oil lamp on the other. At the center of the room was a stone… _bed_ . Chains dangled from both sides, hanging limply near the ground, and the _bed_ itself was stained permanently with dried blood.

He jolted up from his thoughts when the door flung open, revealing three men, chattering nonchalantly as they talked about some recent results. He didn’t particularly care about what they were discussing, but he knew he should’ve because, after several indiscreet glances that were made his way, one of them—a tall man with short blond hair—swiftly took the ring of keys from the wooden table and approached his cage.

The keys glinted from the light of the oil lamp on the side, and a sense of doom entered him as the other two began to pluck several tools from the shelf.

_There were three men._

* * *

Eren’s eyes roamed the shelter, narrowing when he couldn’t spot a familiar blond head. He approached his sister, who seemed just as worried as him; apprehensive and squirming as her head jerked at the slightest sound before sighing. 

“Armin not back?” 

Mikasa shook her head. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

Undeterred by the lack of words that were spoken by the duo, they nodded with a determined glint in their eyes and walked out of the shelter before running separate ways; Mikasa running left and Eren running right.

The brunet’s feet let out a nearly inaudible sound as he ran, his eyes glowing eerily in the dark with every step he took into the darkened streets. He listened for even the slightest sounds, from the shuffling of footsteps to the chitter of the rats. 

“I-I need to get back…”

He paused when he heard a familiar voice.

“You seem to be under the pretense that you have an opinion.”

Eren silently crept towards the source of the sound. His hands touched the brick walls, steadying his steps, and he grabbed a broken glass shard he found lying on the ground as he inched closer towards the voices. He narrowed his eyes when he made out a figure, then another, and then…

_And then?_

* * *

_The fear of fighting back._

_The hate he received for purely existing._

_The confusion he felt when people stared at him in disgust._

_And the sound of chains snapping_.

Why had he forgotten? 

Why did he delude himself into thinking…

That he was a good person?

* * *

_There were three men._

The blond man slowly unlocked the cage and even slowly released the chains that kept him curled up. And at that moment, he _moved_. It wasn’t the first time he fought back, and it certainly wasn’t the last, but it was perhaps the most violent one. He could hear the blond man curse as he continued to struggle under his hold. 

_Fight! Fight! Fight!_ He mentally screamed at himself. Knocking several things off in the process, he jerked around and kicked the blond man in the knees. The man doubled over in pain, and his grip on him loosened. _What am I doing?_

He cried out in pain as the other man sliced a portion of his arm. The man’s auburn eyes flashed as he continued his mad hacking, wildly moving his hands up, down, left, and right. 

He ran over to the other side of the room, pausing when he spotted the unclosed door and the missing third member. Narrowly avoiding the slice aimed for his chest, he swiveled to the side, toppling over the man in the process. He cried out in pain when his knees impacted with the hard floor, creating an easy opening for him.

“M-monster!” The man yelled. He whipped his dark hair to the side and stared at the smaller figure warily; the saw trembling in his grip as he pointed the weapon at him in a threatening manner.

The blond man groaned. His rested elbow was on the floor as he struggled to get up. “Get it!” He coughed.

As the man neared him, he grabbed whatever he could get his hands on and… _pushed._ The man coughed. It was wet, and not long after, splotches of red dribbled down his chin. No, pushed wasn’t the correct word. _Stabbed_ was. The item in question was a long and sharp object, widening at the end. He blinked for a moment, listening to the man’s ragged breathing. Not far from him, the blond man let out a sound akin to a hybrid of a shriek and a gasp before stumbling upright.

“You should have been put down.” He whispered. 

_I should have._

* * *

_He wasn’t a good person._

Eren was not a good person. He was never someone who was inherently good because even when doing something that was right, he often did it because it gave him something in return. A chance to escape, a larger family, or a friend. He was also selfish. Very selfish. If he wanted to be treated as a human, he would act like one, even if it meant that others would die from his choice. 

Eren was selfish and horrible and he would always be this awful being until he died.

And yet… he found himself moving, uncaring of whatever inhuman strength he exerted at that moment. His first target was easy; standing ramrod straight and seemingly ignorant of the impending doom that approached him as the sharp end of the glass shard plunged into his nape. The second one—the one whose hands were on Armin—tried to run, yelling and screaming profanities as he neared.

_“Monster!”_

But the brunet paid no mind to him like the blood that leaked from his fingers from the harsh grip he exercised on the sharp object. The crimson liquid dribbled onto the pavement, and it wasn’t long before the pudgy man laid on the ground, still.

* * *

“Swift and deadly. Nice attributes.”

Eren swiveled around his mouth in a snarl and hands hovering over the smaller blond protectively. Blood coated the brunet’s fingers and he was careful to not touch his friend, just in case any of the liquid stained his clothes. Despite the darkness, he could make out a tall figure, his hands raised in an attempt to look harmless.

“Say,” the man began. “You’re from Maria, aren’t you? And looking for a job.”

“So what?” Eren grit his teeth.

The man smirked. “I can give you a job…” he looked pointedly at Armin and added, “And a room.”

Armin trembled at the stare, but he remained standing and asked, “What kind of job are you talking about?”

The man hummed. “Nothing much. Just disposing of some people.”

Armin pushed, “If we don’t?” He paused, before repeating, “If we don’t accept this job—"

“I can call for the Military Police.” The man answered nonchalantly. His posture was relaxed and despite the darkness, the two could make out a calm smile perched on the face. However, his eyes were anything but. There was a strange gleam and they were cold and calculating as he turned to look at the corpses before looking at the shard in Eren’s hand. “And they won’t hesitate to condemn the kids of Maria.”

Eren huffed and turned to the taller man. “How much you pay?”

“Oh?”

“How much you will pay?” The brunet repeated.

“Quite a bit.” He promised. “And a room.”

* * *

_The third man._

He was right to be worried about the open door and the missing member because he returned, he came back with several other people. The group paused momentarily, taking in the scene before them. A dirty kid with a bloody object, a fallen man that bled not far from the child, and a man who was leaning on the stone bed; pale and face contorted in pain as he put some weight on his right feet. 

_“Monster!”_

Pain exploded all over his body, and a hand seized his neck in a bruising grip. _It hurts_ . He thought. It really did hurt. He clawed and let out a choked scream, desperate to breathe even a sliver of air. _Why did I fight back?_ He felt himself being dragged around, and he whimpered when his back collided painfully with the leg of the wooden table. Desperate for the pain to stop, he flailed his arms one last time, and before he knew it, flames smothered the room.

The others shrieked, ordering others to extinguish the conflagration before deeming it a lost cause not long after. The room was empty in no time; everyone scrambling to escape the inferno, desperate to avoid the burning sensation. 

Everyone except him.

Alone with only the fire as his companion, he pondered for a moment. _Should I… get out?_ He silently stood up, stumbling in the process as unhealed wounds steamed in an attempt to mend the injuries together. It took him longer than he would have liked, but he eventually found the silver key on the ground, hot and molten, but otherwise unaffected. He watched as the molten object left darkened marks on his skin before laughing deprecatingly. The key fell from the cracks of his fingers, and he sauntered into his cage not long after. He gently closed the door and closed the chains around his wrist, not a single ounce of hesitation clouding his movements as he relaxed in the smoldering fire.

Dying in the inferno didn’t seem like a bad idea… if he could die, that is. 

* * *

The man the two boys met that day was Harold Wagner; a prized merchant in Rose, and an even more important member of Trost. His calm exterior and calculating personality made him a prominent citizen in the walls, and citizens of Sheena often lamented the obvious loss of talent, much like they had done with Grisha. He hadn’t been lying when he talked about the Military Police, because they arrived shortly after in full uniform, only to discover two corpses and the empty streets, all thanks to Wagner’s excellent maneuvering.

“Wait! There is someone I need to find!”

Wagner only raised an eyebrow before following the two children near the shelter where Mikasa stood. Her hair was in disarray and she was much paler than before. Worry was evident on her features as she seemed to jitter in her place, her head shooting off with every sound. When spotted Armin and Eren, her eyes widened before faltering at the sight of Wagner. However, she didn’t say anything about the strange accompanist and only glared at the taller man as he led them to a rather shady part of Trost.

At first, Eren was hesitant in following the taller man, fearing that he had been lying… but it had all been for naught because Wagner led them to a building that was obviously well-tended compared to the other buildings that lied side-by-side. The structure was made of red, mismatched bricks and the concrete was messily slobbered rather than neatly put like the safer areas of the town. It was three stories, an outward stair leading to each door, and Wagner pulled them to the top stair before handing Eren a silver key.

“I don’t lie.” Wagner drawled. “You—Eren, meet me downstairs tomorrow.”

* * *

_My tree._

Lush green grass stood beneath his feet and the sporadic flowers that grew here-and-there created a natural look to the beautiful scenery. The forest was tall, colored in a beautiful mahogany hue, and healthy green leaves grew from the branches in a jumble. All in all, it was _beautiful_. 

He tentatively wiggled the digits of his bare feet, giggling at the texture, and with a confident stride, he marched near the forest, uncaring of the dirt that clung to the soles of his feet.

A small quaint house was not far from him, only a few meters behind. A well-worn dirt path led to the front door—which had the same color as the trees in the forest. The door was ajar, showing the wooden furniture that sat inside the house, and not a moment later, a figure walked out with a bundle of fabric. The person wore clothes of earthly tones; a little shabby, but well-cared nonetheless. 

He turned back to the forest before him and began his exploration through the forest.

The forest was warm if not a little damp, and moss grew unevenly on the timber. Parts of the roots protruded from the ground and intertwined with nearby roots, creating a hazardous trail. Underneath all the towering trees, where the smaller and shorter plants that struggled to get by with the lack of sunlight, he came across a small clearing where the trees no longer grew. The area was muddy and the long branches that obscured the sun’s view didn’t aid with the evaporation of the wet space. Right at the center of it all stood a pitiful plant. 

The shrub was half-dead, yellowing, and shriveled. It looked as if it had been cut off abruptly mid-growth and was struggling to make ends meet with the lack of nutrients. Despite how utterly pathetic it looked and how it seemed to be a lost cause, he found himself caring for it. Replacing the mud with fresh soil and feeding water to it every single day, it was as if the plant gained the energy because it looked nothing like the feeble thing it was when he first noticed it. Instead, the strengthened branches majestically twisted and turned, and it matured into an alluring apple tree that grew taller than the others.

As if conveying its thanks, the tree grew a single branch of apples that were near his elevation, offering the sweet products to him. With great thanks, he periodically harvested a few of the red fruits and brought them back to his home which rewarded him with a brilliant smile from his m-

His… what?

 _I don’t remember_.

A nameless woman and a nameless man whose voices he could never hear, and whose name he could never remember were always there. Smiling like the brightest sunlight, and gentle with their actions like they were treading on a patch of flowers, it was a dismal thing that he could only see their mouths; how they quirked upwards and how it opened as they laughed, their shoulders shaking in tandem. 

Regardless, he basked in the attention they offered and took every meal they had with great gratitude. At night, the nameless man would embrace him before the nameless woman tucked him in bed. 

He wished this dream would last forever.

_But it didn’t._

* * *

A year had gone by since their fateful meeting. 

Thanks to Wagner’s influence, the trio wisely avoided the carriage to the fields and no soldiers dared to question them, fearful of the man’s wrath, and best of all, the man managed to get official documents of citizenship for the three (albeit reluctantly for Armin and Mikasa), only giving a brief explanation ( “The boy is handy.” ) before pulling Eren to ‘work’... which the other hated with their absolute might.

The two knew that when the news of the ‘Trost Slasher’ came up, it was Eren who was behind it, but they did nothing besides glare at Wagner and try to coerce the brunet into quitting… which brought up another conflict.

“I’m still going to join the military.” Eren blurted.

The brunet had once mentioned enlisting for the military. But that was before the wall fell and the two—Mikasa and Armin—believed that Eren had given up on the dream by now, especially with how he was _the_ Trost Slasher who left corpses in mangles that caused the laziest Military Police to investigate.

Mikasa was the first to speak; “No. You _can’t_.”

“I have to agree with Mikasa, Eren,” said Armin. “The Survey Corps is dangerous. And even if we did join, I think it’s better to join—”

“The Little One,” Eren interrupted. “I need to meet the Little One.” He stood up from his spot and stood in front of the two—much to Mikasa’s displeasure—and imitated a bunch of moves, twisting and turning with imaginary swords in both hands. He turned back to the two, determined. “I am joining the-the _Survee_ Corps.”

The two were silent at his statement; Mikasa was confused at Eren’s statement while Armin thought deeply, but the blond soon sighed, shaking his head. “ _Survey_ , Eren,” he gently corrected. “And it’s not _I_ …”

“It’s _we_.” Mikasa finished.

Eren’s eyes lit up before he paused. “No.” He responded. “People in green die a lot,” he shook his head. “You guys need to live.”

But Armin wasn’t deterred. “We know.” He agreed. “We’ve seen them return, Eren.”

“Then why—"

“Because we chose to,” Mikasa interrupted. “We wanted to.”

* * *

_That day..._

It was a typical day. Or at least, it began that way. The smell of food wafted through the house and he was woken up by the nameless man’s gentle coaxing. He could never hear their voices. Only their mouths moved, but he always knew what they were saying.

Strange.

The three ate together on one table, and when they were finished, he would help her with the dishes before seeing the nameless man leave, no doubt hunting for meat. When the nameless woman began her daily cleaning, he would leave the house and dashed to the forest, excitement coursing through him as he deftly jumped over large roots. It wasn’t long before he reached the small clearing. 

The apple tree was a comforting structure, thrumming with unseen power and _warm_ as it welcomed him every single day. When the sun began to move more rapidly, the skies turning from blue to red, the tree let out a sad hum, disappointed as the day ended as fast as it began. He eventually reached his house with an apple in his arms (harvested from the tree). Nightfall had reached by then and he rushed to the main room, only to pause at a horrifying sight.

The nameless man laid limply on the ground with a sharp object jutting out from his back, and a strange puddle grew from underneath. His hair was matted with blood and numerous slices on his arms _oozed_. He was held by the nameless woman, tears dripping from her cheeks as three unknown men stood threateningly in front of her.

He could not push himself to move, frozen in place as the nameless woman began to scream. One of the men grabbed her arm and the other—holding a bow and arrow— _kicked_ her. 

It didn’t seem as if the three men noticed his presence yet because they continued their ministrations, kicking and punching her in an attempt to silence her screams. It was futile, though, because she never stopped, flailing and thrashing under their hold and continuing to wail in agony with every action. However, she soon noticed him. After a particular painful kick, she jerked to the side, and whatever fight she had died down when she saw him.

_Run._

It seemed that the man in the center was irritated with her howl because his right hand—the one holding a sharp object—plunged towards her, and it wasn’t long before her wail rose a notch. 

_No... Why can't I move?_

Blood spurted from the area, and the apple fell from his grasp, rolling to a halt before the nameless man’s corpse. One of the three turned to him and snarled and the other made a vague gesture while the third one continued to stab the nameless woman. He let out a quiet whimper and scrambled to grab the knife in the nameless man’s back, only to freeze at his actions after retrieving the blood-coated object.

 _What was I doing?_ He thought. _Why am I holding this as if..._

It wasn’t long before her screaming died out, leaving nothing but a corpse, and all three of their attention turned to him. 

**_Run._ **

* * *

“Hey, Eren?”

The brunet grunted before answering; “Hm?”

Armin shook his head fondly at the other boy, his eyes wandering over to Eren as he determinedly washed the potatoes-

“Eren!” He cried out. “You don’t wash potatoes with soap!”

The brunet stared at the soapy waters and the one potato that floated in confusion before glancing at Armin. “No?”

“No!” He repeated. Scratching his hair roughly, he pulled the bowl from Eren’s hand and the abrupt weight-gain almost made him drop the basin had Eren’s arm not shot out to catch it. He gave the brunet a quiet thank you before talking, this time in a much calmer voice; “Eren, you only wash potatoes with water.”

“B-but,” Eren stammered. “You wash hands… with soap?”

“But not potatoes.”

“Not potatoes.”

Armin shook his head. “No.”

And after all was said and done—thankfully the potatoes weren’t affected—Armin composed himself to ask the question that had been on his mind before the whole soap incident. “Who’s the little one?”

Eren perked up at the name, his eyes brightening. “The Little One?” He repeated.

The blond nodded.

Eren hummed for a brief moment. “The Little One is very little.” He stated. “I met him before.”

“When they returned?”

He shook his head. “In the forest.”

* * *

_Fear._

One of them set a fire ablaze and the other two began to chase him. It was fortunate that he was used to the treacherous roots of the forest because the two men fell to the ground, cursing as they failed to notice. He thought he was safe. Of course he did. He could maneuver himself through the forest in the dark. He was _safe_. He didn’t need to run anymore.

_Right?_

He yelped as an arrow dug into his skin. He screamed when a hand grabbed him. He wondered if this was what the animals that the nameless man caught felt when they were hunted. Cornered, despaired, and _scared_. A faint flashback of the man returning with cuts came afloat, and he remembered him explaining that an animal fought back. 

He knew that the world was a cruel place. He had always known… yet, why did he turn a blind eye?

Jerking around, he impulsively gripped the bloody knife and _stabbed_ one of them in the chest. The procedure was easier than he imagined. Though requiring strength, the weapon slid rather easily into his flesh, and it was shortly after that he let out another whimper at the fresh blood that coated his fingers. It was warm.

_The world is beautiful._

He turned to the other man.

_But it’s also cruel._

And _lunged._

He was scared. His weapon laid on the ground, untouched, a few meters away from him, and he _knew_ that he killed one of them because his chest was still and the blood that flowed out of his body was more than enough. On the other hand, the other man groaned in pain, cursing, and coughing as he sat up. He heard footsteps approach; the twigs snapping and the leaves jostling, and as the adrenaline left his body, he struggled to run. Even without glancing back, he could tell that the third man was there and _angry_ . He sped up his pace as thundering footsteps got louder and louder. _Please. Please… help me!_ He begged whatever god there was to help him. Tears streamed down his cheeks and snot dripped from his nose; mixing with blood to create a reddish-clear liquid. His clothes were ripped; stained with mud and other substances, and his hair was a _mess;_ matted and grimy (not that he cared).

And it was as if someone had answered his prayers because when he reached the clearing, _something_ had happened. After all, he was in _freezing_ waters. He tried to breathe, only to choke on water, and he could see his fingers turning blue from the iciness. 

Then…

He closed his eyes.

* * *

“Enlistment, huh?” Wagner remarked. He barked out a laugh. “Can’t imagine you as a soldier.”

Eren glanced up from his position. A cape covered much of his face and shielded his clothes from the blood (and Mikasa’s wrath), and a sharp dagger was in one hand. He twirled it deftly between his fingers before abruptly stopping. He was crouching in front of a corpse and on his lap was a brown cotton bag of coins.

When the brunet only shrugged, Wager continued, “Guess I’ll have to find someone new.”

“I’m sorry.”

The taller man paused in his movement briefly; his hands in the middle of reaching for the cigarette hanging from his mouth before letting out another laugh. Smoke emerged from his mouth as his chest rumbled in amusement.

“Go have fun killing Titans, boy,” Wanger reassured. “Don’t worry about me.”

He continued, “Besides, I already knew that you weren’t planning on staying.”

Eren cocked his head in confusion, causing Wagner to let out another laugh, though much more quiet this time.

“You always talked about joining the Military. You think I don’t know?”

He had. Eren had talked about joining the Military, especially after Mikasa and Armin agreed to join him. It made him wonder why he assumed that Wagner didn’t know.

“You do not mind?”

“Outraged,” Wagner answered. “You’re _the_ Trost Slasher. Think I’m not going to miss such a great colleague?”

* * *

_The world is a cruel place._

“Not fair.”

“Eren…”

“Why must the world be so cruel, Armin?”

The boy—Connie snorted. “It’s not cruel,” he quipped. “You’re just short.”

The Horseface let out a large cough that sounded more like a snort, but Eren paid him no mind. He turned to Connie, his face tilting slightly upwards, much to his annoyance. 

Yes.

He was short.

Unnervingly so.

Out of all the cadets, Eren was the shortest male, coming up at 149 centimeters, a mere four centimeters taller than the shortest cadet of them all, Krista Lenz, and nearly ten centimeters shorter than Connie—and don’t get him started with the Horseface. At least Armin was kind enough to be 163 than Mikasa, that _tree_ , who was 170.

Armin let out a soft laugh. “Let’s hurry up. We’ll be late.”

The boys let out a noise of agreement, turning back to the neatly-folded uniform to change. Eren was the last to turn—not because he wanted to watch the others strip, but because his mind had wandered over to the slowly-returning memories of the past. It was slow, he knew, but they were coming back and while Eren had no idea who the nameless woman and the nameless man were, he could make a guess. His parents.

It was strange to suddenly know who his parents were, no matter how strange it seemed to be, and he was lost when he regained the memories of the past, especially his parents’ deaths, because he was unsure of how to cope with the information, especially after believing that Grisha and Carla were the only parent figure he had known. However, he supposed that having two pairs of parents wasn't too bad. And if there was one thing he regretted from the memory, it was his inability to act out in time, causing the nameless woman--his mother to die right before him--and gaining the curse of the Titans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Eren isn't shackled to the 13-year curse  
> * Harold is not an important character, just a weird guy with no consistency in his behavior  
> * the tree Eren helped was an apple tree  
> * the tree was never destroyed due to Eren's slumber  
> * POV is a bit wonky in this chapter, but please bear with me!


	3. he begins training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training and... Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning(s):** bad action! Murder! Not graphic murder though!
> 
> The writing is a bit inconsistent due to how far apart each of the scenes were written, so while some may be edited, others were written in a haste without a second glance. Unfortunately. In the beginning, this chapter was supposed to be posted... a week after the previous one, but then I began to read Scum Villain's Self Saving System and WOAH, I've been binge-reading Shen Jiu-centric fics.
> 
> The last scenes are a bit forced for my liking, but I hope it's okay! Please enjoy!

With the deaths of Isabel and Farlan still fresh in his mind, the gruesome image of their severed body was etched with a fearsome clarity, easily becoming the subject of many of his nightmares.

Sitting on his horse, his lips pursed, and without letting out a single bit of noise, he stared blankly at the mane of his stallion. He could hear his section leader, Erwin Smith, letting out final orders to some of his squadmates, and as the man’s voice came closer, part of him itched to reach for his blades. He hesitated, however, as the fact that his friends’ deaths were partially his fault came back in full-force.

Levi sharply inhaled as the body of Isabel flashed before his eyes. “What?” He bit out when he saw the cold expression on the section leader’s face.

Erwin’s gaze drifted from his gear to his face, his face revealing nothing as he spoke. “Focus. Don’t make your talent go to waste.” He then turned away to approach another group of soldiers, no doubt divulging the latest arrangement for this expedition.

He wanted to scoff and spit at the man’s massive eyebrows, maybe even shave them off to shame the blond man. Regardless of the impetuous thought that seeded itself in his brain, he jerked his head away to look at the town instead, causing him to meet face-to-face with a squadmate.

“Yo, Levi!” Hange cheerfully chirped, grinning as she clutched the reins of her horse in a nonchalant manner. 

Levi ignored her, opting to turn the other way, much to Hange’s disappointment. “Focus,” he muttered ever so softly under his breath as his gaze flickered over to the closed entrance.

At the commander’s call, the entrance eventually opened, and as everyone trained, the soldiers stayed in formation. Solemn and silent, everyone held the reins tightly in their grip as they rode further and further away from the walls. However, before they could get any farther, a large abnormal came running at an overwhelming speed, drool flying as it ran straight to the center.

Erwin covered an ear and shot out a signal. “Stay calm!” He gestured towards Levi and the other members of the squad to rearrange into a different formation. 

Despite the efficient movement orchestrated by his squad leader, he, along with several other soldiers found themselves stranded on the edge of the forest; the wall a tiny speckle out in the horizon from their position.

One of the soldiers let out a sob, crumbling to the ground as their dilemma caught up to them. “We… we’re stranded.” He clutched his face in fear, tears pouring shamelessly down his cheeks. 

They were.

 _‘We’ll die soon.’_ Levi thought impassively. _‘Titans are everywhere, and they’ll soon arrive. Especially when she’s injured.’_ He glanced over to the injured soldier who clutched her arm.

As if summoned by his thought, three Abnormal Titans promptly arrived. Leering with an ecstatic expression, one by one, the despaired soldiers were plucked from the ground. A handful of them stayed motionless, silent, and resigned over their fate before they were severed by gigantic teeth. Another handful sobbed, struggling by waving their blades around uselessly before it fell limply to the side, dead.

Despite his attempts, by the time he defeated all but one Titan—the last abnormal—no one was alive, and no one’s body fell with their gear intact, much to his displeasure. He was on his last pair of blades; the last two destroyed each time he killed a Titan, and from the looks of it, this one would soon break like the prior ones.

Without a warning, the large abnormal shot its pudgy hand out, fingers narrowly missing Levi and his wires. He moved, cursing at his almost too slow movement as its digits dusted over his cables before he managed to retract them. By the time its hand curled in a grabbing motion, nothing but thin air remained, and as if overcome with confusion, the fisted hand suddenly became hesitant, wavering in the air.

While for others, the minuscule hesitance may be negligible, easily overlooked, Levi on the other hand narrowed his eyes at the opening. In a show of swiftness, he _moved_ ; expertly extracting and retracting his wires while simultaneously twirling in the air as he brandished his blade threateningly. He methodically avoided the Abnormal’s lumbering hands and adeptly changed directions whenever its fingers came close.

However, before he could dig his blade into the Titan, the shaking of the forest forced him out of balance, barely avoiding its large hands before speedily retreating. He propelled himself forward once more, the blade sinking into the Titan’s nape when the tremor revealed to belong to another fifteen-meter; its hand grasping at whatever it could touch like a toddler as it manically grinned at him.

_‘Shit!’_

Grunting, he sliced out the nape and despaired when one of his blades seemed to have broken into several pieces under the pressure. 

_‘I’m… going to die.’_

For a moment, he allowed himself to close his eyes.

He imagined Isabel and Farlan; their arm spread wide as they welcomed him with a bright smile. He imagined the shy Titan he spotted during his first expedition, too far to be a bother, yet too close to have not noticed them. He remembered the almost hesitant expression, its brows furrowed as it looked at them with a longingly. And then he thought of the kid who followed him like a lost puppy, his messy brown hair curling around at his shoulders as teary dark eyes stared up at him with unmistakable awe. 

Would he see them in the afterlife?

Before he could close his eyes in anticipation of his nearing death, a hand abruptly shot out and a head flew, barely missing him as it harshly crashed into one of the tree trunks.

Blinking before slowly looking up with wide eyes, he watched with bated breaths as the steam cleared, revealing the perpetrator behind the violent decapitation.

The body was in no way disproportionate, beautifully muscled, and perfectly toned. The clearing steam allowed him to see more of the figure, slowly revealing the toned arms and the face crafted that would have been fearsome if it wasn’t for the obviously gentle expression addressed towards him. 

It was _that_ Titan from the first expedition.

Intelligent emerald eyes drifted downwards to look at the steaming Titan’s carcass balefully, its expression both disdainful and angry. It tilted its head upwards all of a sudden and heaved before letting out a loud roar that was deafening enough for Levi to flinch.

His hands flew to cover his ears and he feared that the Titan’s enraged focus would drift over in a matter of seconds, however, before he could make a single movement, the seemingly intelligent emerald eyes narrowed at the empty forest and then… changed into a fighting stance.

 _‘This…’_ He had seen it before. Many times. It was an obvious posture, something everyone knew to be offensive.

Its hands were positioned in front of his face, its legs moving farther apart as its knees slightly bent. Without looking to be slouching, the body stiffened and slightly curled up, muscles taut and tense as it opened its mouth to release a hint of steam. The sigh came with a low growl that reverberated throughout the forest.

Then… it moved.

Levi flinched as the fist neared him and he almost regretted letting his guard down. He thought… he thought that the intelligent Titan wouldn’t attack him, but he was probably wrong. After all, aren’t all Titans the same? Flesh-hungry, never-ending monsters who can’t seem to stop.

However, before he could move, the fist moved past him, the movement creating a slight breeze as the Titan’s body soon followed, its hand colliding with another Titan’s head.

* * *

Before Mikasa and Armin had entered puberty, and thus had their growth spurt, Eren had been taller than them. Even when Armin first laid his eyes upon the brunet, it was hard to decipher the boy’s true age. However, after hearing that they were the same age (“We’re the same age,” was all Eren said), he was awed by the sheer height that Eren had. Standing at a remarkable head taller than the blond, Eren looked more like a protective older brother than a friend. 

A protective older brother who used underhanded tactics to fight the bullies.

But Armin wasn’t deterred. 

He simply summarized that the brunet was someone with astonishing genes. Nothing more and nothing less, but that was until they added one more person to their group. 

Three years had gone by since the beginning of their tentative friendship and standing side-by-side, Armin was struck by how much taller they had become. It could have been justified by the fact that Armin had grown _rapidly_ and Eren hadn’t grown as fast, but _no_ ; he realized that Eren hadn’t grown _at all_. By the time Mikasa had joined their little group of heretics, Armin and Eren stood at the same height while Mikasa stood a few centimeters taller.

Now, years later, entering their teenage years and puberty barging in rudely like a mannerless brute, Armin realized that Eren hadn’t grown a single bit since they had met, which was impossible because neither Carla nor Grisha were short. Quite the opposite, really, but Armin couldn’t say much because _he_ was short and still a child when he had last seen the two.

In the present, Armin looked down (not in a mocking sense, but because he _had to_ ) towards Eren, his shoulder-length blond hair flying into his face at the movement. He wanted to cut his hair, but something stopped him from simply grabbing the nearest sharp object and shredding his hair until it was short.

 _Anyways_ , he shook his head to clear his mind from the thoughts of his unfortunate hair length and adjusted his focus back to the brunet. 

“Traitor!” Eren cried out indignantly. 

Speaking of which, Eren was much more relaxed recently—not that Armin noticed in the past, but he did now precisely because of the brunet’s sudden serene demeanor. 

Eren used to be… disoriented, especially when it came to his past and family, and most prominently after the fall of Wall Maria and Carla’s tragic death, but as enlistment came closer and their time in Trost came to a close, Armin became acutely aware of his friend’s change. 

It was almost as if he was… complete and the him in the past was a disjointed version of himself, missing several important pieces that gradually returned as time went by.

Armin nodded, placating, and patted the brunet’s shoulder comfortingly. Eren on the other hand, quickly dodged his palm and shot downwards to avoid the blond’s touch with a slight scowl on his expression.

“Traitor!” Eren cried again, pointing at his friend accusingly.

The other boys in the barracks snickered at the brunet’s antics, their focus on the brunet ever since his sudden indignant yell. Some of them watched with curiosity while many watched with an amused face, anticipating Armin’s choice of reaction.

“Eren,” Armin began, sighing as if they have had the same conversation several times. They probably did, if his face that longed for anything _but_ this conversation said anything. “ _Please,_ not this conversation again.”

Eren pouted, looking much like the six-year-old brunet Armin had first caught sight of all those years ago. “It not fair!” He complained, pointing his index finger at the blond. “You grew! You _grew_!”

Armin felt personally offended at his statement. “Excuse me?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“I used to be taller than you!”

No, he was _not_ having this conversation again. But as the great friend he was, who didn’t ignore his friend no matter how annoying he was, all he did was give Eren an irritated glance and say; “But not anymore,” before turning to dive into his bed, signalizing that the conversation was over.

He could hear Eren huff in annoyance, but after hearing nothing more afterward, Armin allowed himself to slowly angle his head towards where the brunet was—should have been.

He blinked.

Slowly sitting up, Armin looked owlishly at the empty bedside, staring intently at the little creases in the blanket where Eren had sat on, uncaring of the wrinkles that may follow. The covers at his side were a little rumpled, wrinkled, and sinking at the area where the brunet had sat, and one end was pulled upwards, revealing the sheets underneath.

He looked up at the other boys, most of which averting their gaze as soon as he tilted his head upwards, and his eyes drifted around before pausing at one boy.

“Reiner, where did Eren go?”

The bulky blond shrugged mutely, but the boy behind him, Bertolt, shyly peeked his head out and smiled in a friendly way before answering; “I think to Mikasa… or at least I think he did. I thought I heard him muttering her name.”

“Mi… kasa?” Armin echoed slowly, “Bertolt… she’s in the girl’s barracks.” 

Bertolt nodded, and with a speed just as slow as Armin’s, he replied; “I know.”

“And boys aren’t allowed in the…” the blond trailed off, but his implications were clear.

Boys aren’t allowed in the girl’s barracks. And Eren had gone to Mikasa… who was in the girl’s barracks.

Armin uncharacteristically scratched his head agitatedly and said, “ _Oh my gosh._ Bertolt, Reiner, when will Instructor Shadis arrive?”

Reiner glanced up at the clock, humming for a short moment before turning back to the shorter blond. “Not long,” he answered bluntly, “I’d hurry up if I were you.”

“And I wouldn’t go if I were you,” Connie quipped. At the other boys’ glances, he shrugged nonchalantly. “Girls are _beasts._ ”

However, Armin had already left by the time Connie added his latter comment, hastily slipping on his shoes to run out of the boy’s barracks. His mouth was pursed into a thin line as he ran carelessly through the field, reaching the other side in record time to reach the girl’s barracks.

His feet were hurried, almost careless in a way as he climbed up the stairs before grasping the door handle to swiftly yank open the door.

“Eren!” He yelled, “You know—" he paused.

 _Oh_.

“How rude,” Annie muttered.

Ymir nodded, continuing, “And to barge into a maiden’s room at night…”

“Deserves punishment,” the two finished.

 _‘Maiden?!’_ Armin shrieked internally. _‘There’s nothing maidenly about you too—especially Ymir—yeah Annie was a maiden—but that wasn’t the point!’_

“Ouch,” Eren muttered, his hand reaching upwards to rub his head.

His hand was quickly slapped (harshly) away by Ymir, who grinned gleefully at the brunet’s suffering. 

_Oh._

“I’ll…” Armin paused, thinking. Finally, he said, “I didn’t see anything. I didn’t leave the boy’s barracks. Eren just disappeared.”

And promptly left.

Eren gasped, but it sounded more like a wheeze than an actual… gasp. 

“You… _traitor_!”

But Armin didn’t hear anything. He simply sped down the stairs much faster than when he had been climbing and quickly arrived at the boy’s barracks to dive under the covers, much to the other boys’ confusion.

“Armin,” Reiner began, “Where’s Eren?”

“I didn’t see anything,” Armin answered. 

He didn’t see it!

 _‘Oh, but I did,’_ he thought glumly. 

When Armin entered the girl’s barracks, he expected… something else. Anything _but_ that, really. He initially expected Annie to attack Eren, blabbering about fragility while Mikasa shielded the boy with Ymir holding Krista delicately, no doubt ‘protecting’ her. However, instead of the comprehensive scenery he imagined as he rushed his way to the girl’s barracks, he was met with something else. But nonetheless scary.

Eren had been in a _dress_. Forcefully stripped, the brunet sat obediently on a wooden stool in a dress that one of the girls seemed to own. The hems dragged on the ground, showing that it wasn’t Krista’s, as she was the only one who remotely shared a similar height with his friend, and his hair was being tended to by Ymir and Annie—and rather harshly if Eren’s pained winces were anything. At his side was Mikasa, who watched silently and took in the brunet’s every detail as the other girls giggled at Eren’s unfortunate predicament.

And worse of all?

The first thing that came to mind when he was met with the scene was ‘Who was the brunet?’ Because Eren had basically _merged_ in with the other girls, which Armin didn’t think was possible.

 _‘Help me,’_ Armin cried internally. 

* * *

Eren fumbled around with his gear, still unused to the restricting belts that made up his uniform. His tongue slipped out in the midst of concentration and his brows were furrowed, scrutinizing his current task. His usually-nimble fingers were clumsy, blundering, and slipping at every possible moment which caused a deep irritation that began to show on his expression.

 _Finally_ , the strap went through and he was finished. He sighed in relief and tilted his head back to grin tiredly, however, before he managed to muster the barest hint of a smile, he froze.

His body was leaning backward, giving a perfect glimpse of the rest of the boy’s changing rooms. _Empty_ boy’s changing room. It was then that he realized how much time he had spent on the belts, and in a blink of an eye, he rushed outside and promptly ran into someone.

“Er-Eren!” Armin yelped, “Calm down!”

Eren blinked, shaking out his brown hair out of his eyes to stare up at his friend. 

“Armin?” He asked, surprised, “What about Instructor Shadis?”

Armin shook his head. “It’s okay,” he reassured, turning to glance at the group of cadets standing in a perfect line. “He hasn’t arrived yet.”

Eren nodded, relieved. “We should go,” he suggested, “He might arrive anytime.”

The blond nodded in agreement and followed him in a slight faster-than-normal-pace to arrive at the fields before sliding inconspicuously into their line order. Posture ram-rod straight, every cadet stood with bated breaths, sweat forming on their brow as the sun shined mercilessly above them. It wasn’t long until Instructor Shadis arrived, glaring at every cadet even after arriving at the center, inspecting for anyone out of place.

Eren, who stood right behind Mikasa and half-listened the man’s speech, slowly unclasped his hand and reached down to pull his gear.

 _‘Bruised,’_ he thought, sighing quietly at the suspicious looks Armin would no doubt possess after seeing the lack of chafing on his body. 

Instructor Shadis, unaware of Eren’s lack of focus, continued to drone on endlessly, inserting every insult he knew into every sentence. His speech went on for another hour, and by the time he finished, half of the cadets were twitching, some slouching, and others yawning.

“UNDERSTAND?” Shadis snapped loudly.

In an instant, everyone straightened, yelling out, “UNDERSTOOD!” in tandem.

Given the signal to disperse, Mikasa immediately turned around. Her dark eyes showed concern as her gaze lingered on Eren’s face.

“You were late,” she commented.

Eren nodded before looking down to glare at his uniform. “Trouble,” he stated truthfully.

Mikasa’s eyes remained on the brunet’s face for another second, her expression indiscernible as she silently watched.

Finally, she said, “Come. We’ll take our ODM tests together,” she nodded towards Armin.

Armin sweatdropped, a sudden fear gripping his stomach. His face had turned pale in an instant, and his blue eyes shook in fear as he stared at the ground, teeth clenched and his hand shaking uncontrollably.

“W-what if… what if I fail?” He uttered quietly.

“You won’t,” said Mikasa resolutely.

Armin shook his head fearfully, doubtful of Mikasa’s confidence in him. “ _You_ won’t,” he pointed at Mikasa then moved his finger to point at Eren. “And you won’t. But _I_ might.”

“You won’t,” repeated Mikasa, “Because Daz passed.”

Eren grinned, patting Armin on the back. “Even Daz passed!” He exclaimed, gesturing towards Daz, who had a big smile on his face as Shadis yelled a loud ‘PASS’ at the young teenager. 

“Eren, Mikasa,” Armin sighed, but he had a slight smile on his face as he spoke, “You shouldn’t insult Daz.”

“Why not?” Eren challenged curiously, “It’s the truth.”

Before Armin could say anything, Shadis had called his name.

“CADET ARLERT!” 

Armin jolted up. Giving his friends and one last glance, he ran to take his test, flinching frightfully at the instructor who yelled at him to start. 

One by one, Shadis yelled their names, and soon enough, Mikasa and Eren’s names were called. The instructor’s gaze remained on Eren for a second longer before he gestured to begin the test. 

Fortunately, nothing happened.

“CADET ACKERMAN, PASS!” Shadis yelled, unsurprised. He then turned to Eren and blinked. “Cadet… CADET YEAGER, PASS!”

Eren hopped down, grinning brightly at Mikasa then to Armin who stood nearby, letting out a yell of delight as the three gathered.

 _‘Little One!’_ Eren thought joyfully. _‘I’m finally a soldier!’_

He was a soldier! His dream finally came true!

His green eyes sparkled as his mind wandered to the time when he had first met the Little One. Even then, he was awed by the man’s graceful movements; his impeccable twists and turns as he efficiently took care of the Titans, and he often found himself wondering if he could one day be like the Little One. However, for a long time, the dream was nothing but… a dream; something to never come into fruition and something to look at from afar. Oftentimes, he was left in a sadder mood when those thoughts barged into his mind.

Regardless of the past, he was now a soldier. And now that he was a soldier, he knew that it wouldn’t be long until he would finally be able to meet his Little One!

Meanwhile, Shadis stared at Eren with an undecipherable look on his face as his dark eyes remained on the brunet. His expression revealed nothing, looking to be unruffled and unsurprised by the brunet’s success. Internally, on the other hand, he felt the exact opposite; his turbulent emotions conflicting with his proud ones.

 _‘I could have sworn that I gave him faulty gear…’_ Shadis thought. 

With one last look at the brunet, he turned away and yelled out more names in an attempt to clear his mind, however, his focus remained on the brunet, hovering over and refusing to leave as he tried to remember if he had given the wrong gear to the wrong cadet.

Nonetheless, he couldn’t resist letting a small smile bloom on his face as he thought, _‘Your son’s finally a soldier, Grisha.’_

A distant memory of the man standing cluelessly outside the walls surfaced, and he couldn’t help but wonder where the man had come from. From his confused stance, he initially deduced that the man had somehow escaped out and lost his memory. And that’s what the man had said. Amnesia. But he knew that the man was lying when he said so, just like the countless times Grisha had lied to him. 

_‘Special_ ,’ he thought. _‘He called me special. But not_ that _day.’_

Before Grisha had disappeared with his son in tow the day after the fall of Wall Maria and the loss of Shiganshina, the man had said something entirely different.

With an intense glare addressed to him, he could remember his last sentence to him with overwhelming clarity. 

“My son isn’t like you. He is _special_.”

 _‘Grisha,_ ’ Shadis thought. _‘Who were you?’_

* * *

Instructor Shadis raised a nonexistent eyebrow, patiently waiting for the shorter man to explain himself. His hands were clasped in front of him, laying harmlessly upon the table with one thumb fiddling with the other unconsciously. He pursed his lips when the shorter man willfully ignored his expectant gaze in lieu of staring out of the window to observe the cadets.

Finally, he ran out of patience. “Well?” He asked, “What is Humanity’s Strongest doing here?”

Levi scowled at the title, showing his obvious disdain for the label. He huffed, crossing his arms to briefly glance at the former commander before turning back to the window to resume his observation.

“Ask fucking Erwin for taking a long shit,” he bit out with a piercing stare addressed towards the other man. “Any talent?”

The instructor hummed momentarily before answering, “There are quite a few talented cadets this year.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“And some even want to join the Survey Corps.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Levi was interested in what the instructor would say. “Do continue.”

“Eren Yeager and Mikasa Ackerman,” Instructor Shadis stated. “Those two are in the top ten at the moment and are striving to join the Survey Corps along with their friend, Armin Arlert.”

“So three?”

“Maybe more,” Instructor Shadis pondered before confirming, “But at least three.”

Levi’s eyes flashed. “Interesting,” he said quietly, “Tell me more about them.”

“Cadet Ackerman,” Instructor Shadis began, “Prodigious, pure raw talent, and extremely loyal. Reminds me of you.”

He continued when Levi didn’t speak, but much more hesitantly than before. “Cadet Yeager… short, but extremely strong and talented. His determination makes up for the areas he lacks.”

Levi opened his mouth, pausing to think of what to say before uttering, “Short.” 

Instructor Shadis nodded, his eyes glinting in amusement as he saw Levi’s interested gaze waiting for him to continue. “Very short,” he said bluntly. “Around ten centimeters shorter than you.”

“I’m not short,” Levi glowered. 

“I didn’t say you were.”

Levi fixed a stare that said _‘Yes, you did’_ , but the instructor remained unfazed at the other man’s attitude and simply shook his head.

“Why don’t you meet them?” Instructor Shadis suggested, “They’ll be happy to meet you.”

“Shut up,” Levi muttered, but he had already stood up, his feet carrying him to the door outside. 

Without a single bit of decorum, Levi slammed open the door outside and stared disdainfully at the cadets who were training hand-to-hand combat.

 _‘Useless,’_ Levi thought for a moment. 

He could see all the cadets drenched in sweat—much to his chagrin—and his eyes drifted from one side of the field to the other, taking in each of their movements. At the farthest side were around three pairs of cadets, all seemingly average in strength. Their stances were stiff, and there wasn’t an ounce of motivation from them.

Snorting in contempt, Levi turned his focus to the group in the middle. 

_‘Ah,’_ he thought, staring at the next three pairs in the middle. 

He could easily disregard the first pair, but he was interested. Talented, yes, but the tall teenager _oozed_ arrogance, and his partner seemed to be the opposite. His stance was meek, shy, and he seemed to be unwilling to inflict damage.

 _‘Next_ ,’ Levi thought before turning his focus to the next pair.

The black-haired girl stood stiffly, yet calmly at the same time; her steps deft and swift as she threw her opponent to the ground before straightening to fix her scarf.

_‘Who the fuck even wears a scarf?’_

The girl was no doubt ‘Mikasa Ackerman’, the cadet whom the instructor mentioned that had raw talent. And he could see it. Her movements were nimble, almost like an expert as she took down opponents that were _much_ taller than her.

“That’s Cadet Ackerman,” Instructor Shadis suddenly stated, standing right beside Levi.

“I can see,” Levi said dryly before turning his focus back to the cadets.

Instructor Shadis pointed towards the brunet who was talking to Cadet Ackerman, the fallen black-haired boy long forgotten as the two spoke.

“And that’s Cadet Yeager.”

“Short,” Levi said with a hint of glee.

 _Really_ short. Even more so than he imagined. The brunet barely came up to his friend’s shoulder and still managed to throw down his opponent who was no doubt _much_ larger and heavier than him. He seemed to be unfazed by the smoldering heat, unlike the others who had sweat dripping down their cheeks as he leisurely threw down the blond boy yet again.

“He’s strong,” Levi commented.

Instructor Shadis snorted. “He accidentally broke a cadet’s leg when he kicked him.”

“Who?” Levi asked, interested.

“Cadet Kirstein,” the instructor answered, pointing at the long-faced boy who was now leisurely conversing with his opponent, staring balefully at Cadet Yeager.

“The arrogant one,” stated Levi blandly.

Instructor Shadis smirked, “True,” he agreed, “But he’ll grow.”

After a brief silence, he then added, “Hopefully.”

* * *

“Cut me some slack, would you?” Reiner complained, rubbing his sore back with a wince. 

Eren grinned and lent out a hand towards his friend. “Sorry,” he apologized.

Bertolt groaned and shakily sat up. He held his side tenderly, fearfully looking at the black-haired girl. “You and Mikasa should fight.”

Mikasa pulled her scarf upwards, hiding the lower part of her face. “We used to,” she said quietly.

Reiner laughed warmly. “How about Bertolt and I pair up while you two—” he gestured towards Eren and Mikasa, “Pair up?” 

“Yeah,” a new voice joined. “Monster against monster.”

Mikasa tensed and her head jerked to the source of the voice. She glared icily at the figure, before turning away.

Annie smirked, “Afraid that you’ll injure your husband?” 

“No,” Mikasa retorted. “But I’m afraid that I don’t know how to hide a body. _Your_ body.”

As the two girls glared at each other, neither thinking of backing down, Eren, Bertolt, and Reiner quietly conversed. They spoke softly, cautious of the brewing fight between the two.

Eren laughed at Reiner’s joke. Tilting his head upwards to laugh, he abruptly stilled when he spotted something of his interest. “Who’s that man over there?” He asked, pointing at the short figure in the distance. 

Reiner squinted. “The one next to Instructor Shadis?” He looked at the shorter figure who stood beside their instructor. 

Bertolt turned his gaze to where the two were looking. His eyes lit up in recognition and he cocked his head to the side. “Corporal Levi,” he answered before adding, “Humanity’s Strongest.”

Eren suddenly gasped in delight. “The Little One!” He cried joyfully, his expression brightening as newfound fascination overcame him. 

Reiner blinked, while Bertolt froze.

“The…” Bertolt trailed off.

“Little one?” Reiner echoed faintly, his face ashen and his eyes blown wide.

Eren nodded gleefully. Standing up, he immediately changed his posture and began to deftly twirl in the air. He raised his arms, positioning them as if he held two blades, and made a slashing motion. When he finished with his short demonstration, he turned back to Reiner and Bertolt, revealing the bright grin on his face.

“The Little One!” 

Reiner coughed, “Yes, uh, I’m sure Corporal Levi would be displeased if he heard that. Besides,” he paused to look at Eren. “You’re… shorter than him.”

Bertolt turned away, hiding a slight smile on his face when Eren froze in sudden realization.

* * *

“What’s the brat doing?” Levi asked, enraptured by the brunet making twirling movements. 

The young boy spun deftly in the air and moved like a flighty bird, gliding, before positioning his arms like a soldier would do before making the killing blow. He watched with interest as the young boy, without hesitation, made a slashing motion with his imaginary blade, twirling several more times before coming to a stop. He seemed to be unfazed even after spinning numerous times. 

The instructor beside him suddenly coughed, looking away from the shorter man to hide a smile. “That looks… like he’s mimicking you.”

“No shit,” Levi scowled, “But why?”

The instructor coughed again and immediately covered his mouth with his hand, turning his head down to hide his expression. He said something quietly, muffled, and barely comprehensible, but Levi heard it.

“Hero worship?” Levi repeated distastefully. “Don’t tell me…”

“He’s a Survey Corps fan,” the instructor said amusedly, his hand no longer obscuring his mouth.

Levi glanced back at the brunet who was now chatting happily with the other two boys. 

He was certainly flattered, especially when a child as young as he seemed to be able to mimic his movements with extreme accuracy. But when he thought more about it, he stilled. “Wait. How does he know?”

The slight smile on the former commander’s face was immediately wiped off at Levi’s statement, allowing a slight frown and furrowed brows.

Levi turned away from the taller man and stared at the brunet with an intense gaze, a faint memory surfacing.

 _‘Those eyes look like that Titan’s,’_ he thought.

* * *

“Eren, why are you so set on joining the Survey Corps?” Connie asked one day.

Sasha perked up at the question and immediately sat up, nodding even as Mikasa shoved a roll of bread into her mouth, obviously unfazed at the treatment. Instead, she smiled a bit before taking out the bread to talk. “You could easily get into the Military Police with your abilities,” she said curiously.

“Except in academics,” Connie interjected.

“ _Except_ academics,” Sasha repeated, agreeing. 

“Hey!”

Connie waggled his eyebrows. “It’s true, isn’t it? That you got a lower score than me.”

Eren scoffed, looking away to hide the faint pink dusting over his cheeks.

“I am not good at… aca-academics,” Eren muttered.

Mikasa nodded, completely serious. “Eren’s talents would go completely to waste if he were to head to the Military Police.”

Ymir snorted from a few seats away from them. “Dunno,” she said amusedly, “He seemed to be perfect for an undercover investigation.”

Connie glanced over at Ymir before turning back to stare at Mikasa and Sasha, who looked to be considering Ymir’s statement.

“Wait, what happened?” he asked confusedly. 

“Nothing!” Eren yelped, blushing. “Nothing. I am joining the Survey Corps!”

Sasha grinned, “I’m sure that you can also put those talents to use in the Survey Corps.”

Mikasa nodded, “They would go to waste, otherwise.”

Reiner raised an eyebrow, puzzled. “Is there something we’re missing?”

Eren shook his head viciously. “Nothing!”

“Does it have to do with you running out that day?” Asked Bertolt, blinking. 

“No!”

But none of them believed Eren, obviously because of his reaction and his desperate attempts for everyone to stop digging deeper, but they didn’t push him, only glancing at him with cocked eyebrows. On the other hand, Eren shrank, curling up in his seat to avoid the other’s stares.

Dinner in the Mess Hall finished shortly after, and despite Eren’s attempts at changing the conversation the whole time, in the end, all the boys clapped the brunet on the back and said; “We have all the time for you to explain!” All in all, Eren dreaded returning to the barracks, especially after Armin left him to his own devices. 

“I didn’t see anything,” Armin said resolutely.

“Armin~” Eren whined.

Armin shook his head. “I saw nothing that night. Not the girls, not Ymir, not anyone.”

“You did see it!”

Luckily, when Eren arrived at the barracks, his gut not filled with food but trepidation, the boys’ seemed to have long forgotten the conversation from dinner and had changed the topic.

But he didn’t know if it was a good thing.

“Whoa, you _saw_ the Trost Slasher?” Floch gaped, awed at Jean.

Connie snorted, his expression disdainful towards how gullible the other boy seemed to be. “It’s obviously a lie.”

Jean shook his head with fervor, “I did!” He argued, beginning his long explanation of when and how he saw the ‘infamous killer’.

Eren hadn’t listened too hard to the other boy’s description, already knowing that Jean had probably seen something else, or had not seen it at all and was lying. However, Armin didn’t have the same confidence as Eren as Jean delved deeper into his explanation, talking about where he saw the killer, and as a result, the brunet took the blond’s cool hand into his warm ones and silently comforted the other boy.

 _‘It’s okay’_ his face said, and Armin visibly relaxed before turning his head back to Jean.

Regardless of how Jean’s glimpse of the killer may have not… been the Trost Slasher, Eren still listened closely, especially when Jean named his age and the street.

 _‘Close,’_ Eren thought fearfully. _‘Too close.’_

Suddenly, Jean said eerily, “No one knows what the Slasher looks like. But people who saw it claimed that its eyes glowed amber.”

 _‘He did see him,’_ Armin thought faintly. _‘Jean saw Eren that day. He really did.’_

However, the other boys’ seemed to be oblivious of Eren and Armin’s unease, some cocking their eyebrows in an obvious show that they didn’t believe him while others watched, engrossed in Jean’s horrible story-telling skills.

“Oh yeah?” Connie said. “Then what was it doing?”

Jean paused for a moment to think before shaking his head, “It was just standing tall in the darkness of the alleyways… but it looked like it was wearing some skirt.”

Connie burst into laughter.

Jean reddened. “Hey! It really did!”

Bertolt cracked a slightly nervous smile, placating as he spoke, “Jean, you might’ve seen wrong.”

Reiner nodded. “Besides,” he began, “How are you even _sure_ that it was the killer? Wouldn’t it see you?”

“Because there was a body the next day,” Jean answered quietly.

The boys silenced, awkward.

 _‘Wagner. Jean saw Wagner,’_ Eren almost let out a breath in relief.

According to Jean, he probably caught a glimpse of Wagner standing in front of him, and as a result, thought that his cloak was a skirt. Despite the relief he felt, he couldn’t feel the indignation that rose at the thought that he mistook his cloak as a skirt _Wagner_ wore. 

When Eren turned back to look at Jean, the confidence the long-faced teenager radiated seemed to have completely extinguished, leaving an unconfident boy who was unsure of what he saw due to his friends’ doubt.

“I did!... At least I think I did.”

Samuel cracked a smile that was neither mocking nor comforting. To Eren, it looked a lot like the one Armin would often make when he was trying to hide his distress.

He asked, “Didn’t the Trost Slasher appear after the fall of Wall Maria?”

Daz nodded, “I heard that the killer was someone who wanted to avenge the people killed in the expedition to get the wall back,” he added.

“The purge?”

Armin tensed, tightening his fist as the other boys moved their focus to the mass cull the government enacted to lessen the population. The loss of his grandpa was still a sore thing for him, and for the other boys to nonchalantly talk about it as if… it was the weather, frankly, caused him to feel something akin to anger boiling in his gut.

As if noticing the blond’s inner fury, Thomas coughed awkwardly, effortlessly diverting the conversation.

“Are you guys ready for the test tomorrow?”

Eren sweatdropped. _‘Oh no.’_

* * *

“You’re late,” Levi said grumpily.

Erwin raised a hand. “My apologies. I was a little preoccupied.”

Levi scoffed, but it had no bite. “With what? Shaping your eyebrows?” He looked away in disappointment when Erwin remained unfazed.

“How was Ex-Commander Shadis?” the blond man inquired calmly.

“Bald.”

“Levi…”

“He was doing pretty good,” Levi muttered.

“And?” He raised an eyebrow. “About the cadets?”

“There are at least three people that want to join the Survey Corps. Congratulations,” he added sarcastically as an afterthought. 

“Three?” Erwin repeated, impressed. “Tell me about them.”

“Two top-ten cadets and their friend are definite enlisters.”

“Two?”

“They’re talented,” he grudgingly said, nodding, and with a hint of joy, he added, “And one’s short. _Real_ short.”

* * *

Eren stared dejectedly at his paper with a sad frown perched upon his face as he quietly walked out of the classroom, the others long departed. The class had ended over an hour ago, and he was told to stay behind by his teacher, disappointment evident on the older man’s face as he handed back the test paper that he withheld during class.

“I admit that I’m very frustrated,” he disclosed quietly, looking through his glasses to glance at the brunet who had a crestfallen expression on his face.

He belatedly sighed, “I’ve heard of your achievements out in the field, and they’re very good. If only…” he trailed off, his eyes drifting back to the paper.

“I am sorry,” Eren said glumly, “Will I get taken to the fields?” He looked up morosely, his eyes fearful of the man’s decision.

However, unlike his expectation, which was for his teacher to nod and kick him out of the classroom along with his meager belongings, the older man simply let out a defeated sigh and shook his head.

“You will not,” he assured, “ _However_ ,” he stared pointedly at Eren’s failed test papers, “I do recommend _passing_ the following test.”

 _‘I can pass, right?’_ Eren thought desperately as he stood solemnly outside of the classroom, his head down and hands crumpling the edge of the papers.

“A failed test?”

Eren jumped at the sudden voice and flew into the hair before landing in a graceless heap on the ground in a rather comedic fashion. He jerked his head upwards and blinked at the tall blond man standing before him. The man was tall, _very tall_ , and he exuded an elegant yet commanding air, making him believe that the man was some sort of Military Police officer. However, when he took a closer glance, he realized that he, in fact, _wasn’t_. 

His eyes drifted from the powerful _thick_ eyebrows to the emblem on the man’s jacket, and his eyes visibly _popped_.

“Survey Corps,” he breathed out in awe.

The tall man raised an eyebrow. “You’re interested?” He asked, surprised.

Eren nodded vigorously, “I have always wanted to join!” He exclaimed, but then he paused to look down at his crumpled test paper, his face morphing from awe to sadness. “But I do not think they would want someone like me.”

“Let me see.”

The brunet obediently handed over his test to the other man who simply smoothed it out before reading it. The blond man hummed as his eyes raked over the numerous ‘X’ marks on each of the questions, however, he said nothing.

Finally, the man said, “I’m sure they would accept you.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “Really?” He asked hopefully, but he immediately turned away, his previous hopeful look wiped completely off his face. “I heard that the commander was a very strict man, though.”

The other man paused, “... Commander?” 

Eren nodded, “Armin said that the commander was a very smart and strict man,” and then after lowering his voice as if divulging a secret, he added, “But he did not seem very smart.”

The blond man coughed, “Really?”

“He looked very cowardly,” said Eren bluntly, unaware of the other man’s expression.

“R-really?”

“He cried.”

The man suddenly stilled. “... When?” He asked, curious.

Eren looked up at him with a bland expression and said, “The… the day Shiganshina fell.”

The other man blinked owlishly before turning away, earning a confused look from the shorter brunet who had no idea what the blond man was thinking of.

“How about you?” Eren asked. “How do you think the commander is?”

The blond man hummed thoughtfully, “I’m not sure,” he answered truthfully.

“...”

He continued when Eren didn’t say anything, “Many praise him to be the best commander. However, it’s hard to say that it’s entirely true, especially when he’s the one who orders his soldiers, knowing that at the end of the day, there might not even be a body for them to take home.”

Eren looked up to the sky, saying nothing while urging the other man to continue. 

“I doubt that the commander has the soldiers’ best interest at heart,” the blond man admitted quietly. He looked up from his clasped hands on his lip and stared straight at the sky. “But I know he has humanity’s best interest.”

“That… that is a good thing.” 

The other man briefly stilled, almost confused before gesturing towards him to continue.

Eren thought of all the people he killed, and all the people who suffered in front of him. He thought of the apple, falling from his grasp as his mother died, and he also thought of the people in his nightmares; stabbed and burnt. He had killed Carla, too, because his inaction was what ultimately caused her death. 

Most of all, all those people he killed under Wagner’s order. They probably had a family and a whole future ahead of them. His victims were mostly young, foolish, and arrogant, and it was their hamartia and the cruel word that they lived in that inevitably killed them.

Sucking in a breath, Eren began, “The world is a cruel place. Everyone cannot be happy, and someone is always suffering, but it is still beautiful,” Carla’s death flashed for a moment, and he continued, “The life of the soldier is to pave the road to change. And…” his mouth trembled, afraid to continue. Instead, he settled with, “Someone is always bound to pull the short end of the stick.”

“That’s very intuitive of you,” the other man said quietly, “Not many your age would be able to say such things.”

 _‘Because I’m older,’_ Eren thought. _‘So old. And so cowardly.’_

The taller man turned to look at the sky and stood up, dusting off the dirt that clung to his pants while he was sitting on the ground next to the short brunet. 

“The Survey Corps will accept you. There is no doubt in that,” he said resolutely. He then paused, before saying, “Would you mind if we meet again?”

“Of course!” Eren exclaimed. “... sir.”

“Erwin,” the taller man said. “My name is Erwin. And you?”

“Eren,” he answered, smiling brightly at the taller man. “Nice to meet you!”

Erwin cracked a slight smile. “My pleasure,” he said. 

* * *

“Hiya, Levi!” Hange greeted cheerfully before pausing in confusion. Her head flew to the left, where the commander’s _empty_ desk sat. “Where’s Erwin?”

Levi uncharacteristically groaned, slamming the piece of paper onto the table. “Gone.”

“Missing?”

“ _Gone_. And with this shit ton of paperwork,” Levi sighed one paper rather harshly, resulting in the next two papers to be ripped. “Oh well,” he said carelessly, taking the destroyed sheets to throw them behind him.

Hange sputtered when the papers hit her face on-point, glaring at the shorter man when she threw them off. 

“Meanie,” she muttered. “No, really, though. Where’s Erwin?”

“ _Gone_. Now help me with this paperwork.”

“To burn them?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll bring the fire. Moblit!”

* * *

“Where have you been?” Levi snapped.

“Levi, relax. You’re acting like some posh lady whose husband came home at midnight with a lipstick mark on his shirt,” said Hange.

Levi glared at Hange, “Not helping.”

Hange shrugged, unfazed. “You are, though.”

Erwin, however, stood, unaffected by Levi’s ferocious glare, and simply turned to look pointedly at the ashes in front of the two. In his office. But speaking of ashes, did Levi finish all the paperwork? He glanced around, looking for the stacks and stacks of papers that he was sure that overcrowded his desk when he left.

“If you’re looking for your paperwork, I burned them,” Levi said gleefully.

“ _We_!” Hange emphasized. “Me, Moblit, and Levi!”

“Squad-Leader Hange, please don’t drag me into this—”

“It’s _fine_! Levi the posh wife has every right to burn this!”

“But we don’t!” Moblit said, his voice an octave higher than it should be. 

_'Levi can?'_ Erwin thought, wondering if he should feel offended at Moblit's statement.

* * *

A week later, Eren saw Erwin again, but this time, it was in an empty classroom. He had spotted the man leisurely walking nearby and immediately ran over, eventually walking side by side with the blond man. The teacher was absent, as class ended a while ago, and the two sat in an empty chair and conversed nonchalantly.

“How was training?” Erwin inquired curiously.

Eren grinned happily, “It was fun!”

“Fun?” _‘Not a word I would describe training to be…’_

“Very fun!” Eren nodded seriously, “Instructor Shadis made us go through an obstacle course—and he said that next week, we will be going on a hike!”

Erwin coughed, “I see… _fun_ ,” he changed the topic, “How was your test?”

Eren immediately sobered. “Fine,” he answered curtly.

“...”

“I passed,” Eren continued quietly, “But it was not a very good score.”

Erwin smiled, “The Survey Corps will accept you regardless of academic achievements.” _Or we’d have no one._ “You enjoy training?”

Eren perked up, looking as if he had never been sad. Nodding, he exclaimed, “I like the training very much! Even Instructor Shadis was impressed!”

“ _Hoh_ ,” Erwin breathed. 

“What about…”

* * *

_‘Steam?’_

Eren turned his head and quickly glanced over towards the source of the smell. The scent was fairly light, almost obscured by the familiar smell of humans, however, the slightest hint of the pungent odor caught his nose and gripped his curiosity with a tight reign.

The stench of steam was something exceedingly familiar for him, as he lived most of his days _surrounded_ by the same scent, and had he smelt it outside, he would've barely given a second thought. But he was inside, and _they_ don’t live inside the walls.

Titans don’t live inside the walls.

Yet, the pungent stench of steam and the familiar unmistakable _something_ wafted through the lockers, unnoticed by everyone, but him. Part of him wanted to turn away and forget about it, surely it was a mistake. Surely it was a bad case of teenage boys’ scent mixing to create a smell akin to the Titans.

 _‘No_ ,’ he thought, his eyes sharpening at the duo.

Bertolt and Reiner stood side by side, their backs facing everyone as they quietly changed out of their sweaty clothes before grabbing a towel and heading to the showers. The smell clung to them as a starving bear would to food, and Eren couldn’t help but stare at the two, scarily silent.

Beside him, Armin tapped his shoulder warily, nervously glancing over to where Bertolt and Reiner previously stood before turning back to resume his prior action.

“Eren? Eren? Why are you staring at them?”

“Because they’re tall?” Jean interjected. He gave Eren a slight grin as he elbowed the shorter boy in the side.

“No!”

Armin gave him a slight smile. “What happened?” He asked.

“They smell like Titans,” said Eren quietly, his voice uncharacteristically low as he voiced his findings.

His friend’s eyes widened and immediately nodded, though a bit confused. He turned away from him and took off his clothes in a hasty manner before dumping his clothes into his hamper after grabbing a towel.

When Eren gave Armin a confused stare, he mouthed, ‘Later.’

“Oh.” He quickly took off his shirt and carelessly tossed it into his cubby. His feet echoed through the boisterous locker rooms as he speedily followed his friend. 

* * *

It was during dinner that Armin decided to lead his two friends out of the hall and to the nearby stairs to talk. The area was isolated, dimly lit with only a single lamp to illuminate the floor so no one would get injured. From afar, they could hear the distant chatter of those in dinner. It was incoherent, but the tone was cheerful, quite the opposite of their upcoming conversation.

Armin was the first to sit down on the stairwell. “Eren said he smelt Titans.” He turned to Mikasa then to Eren for confirmation before adding, “Bertolt and Reiner.”

Mikasa sat stiffly, unfazed. She turned to Eren, “What do Titans smell like?”

“Smell like steam and… distinct.”

“And Bertolt and Reiner?” Said Mikasa quietly.

“Annie too,” added Eren, “She smells… different, but still like a Titan.”

Armin paused before sighing. “Eren,” he began, “Why are you smelling everyone?”

Mikasa blinked.

Eren froze. Then…

“I’m not smelling anyone!” Eren exclaimed, mortified. 

“Shhh!” Armin hissed. 

“Sorry. And I’m not smelling on purpose! I can just smell it!”

“Like freshly cooked food?”

Eren nodded. He paused to think for a moment. 

“Maybe they can shift?” _like me_ , he wanted to add.

“Maybe,” Armin agreed, “We don’t have a lot of knowledge on Titans—no, we _barely_ have any knowledge. All that we know is their weak spot, and with such little knowledge, it’s impossible to refute an idea like that…” He trailed off. 

“Eren, how do you know the smell of Titans?”

Eren froze.

“The Colossal Titan was pretty big and seemed to exude a lot of steam,” Armin reasoned. “I’m sure that with Eren’s super-everything, he could easily smell the Titan—”

“The forest. I always smell them in the forest,” interrupted Eren.

“Forest?” Armin echoed. “You mean…”

_“I met him before.”_

_“When they returned?”_

_“In the forest.”_

Armin was almost hesitant in continuing. “Outside… the walls?”

Eren looked away and nodded. “I lived outside the walls for a long time.”

_‘And then I met him.’_

* * *

“Annie! Fight me!”

Reiner choked on his meal, coughing erratically as Bertolt awkwardly patted his friend’s back. It wasn’t until Annie violently smacked the blond’s back that he finally slumped to the table, exhausted.

“I thought I was going to die,” he wheezed.

Annie ignored him and turned to Eren to scoff. “Rude,” she muttered.

“Fight me!”

A loud slap reverberated throughout the halls as Armin’s hand collided with his face. His face shook in disappointment and embarrassment as he remembered last night’s conversation. He had trusted Eren and that made him an idiot. A super-elite idiot.

Mikasa stared at Eren, who repeated the same two words like a toy soldier who could only walk shakily. “Is that what you guys planned?”

“Please don’t include me,” Armin groaned. “I had no hand in this.”

“Except for his idiocy?”

“He’s not _that_ stupid,” he defended. Or at least tried to. “He’s just… dense sometimes.”

That much was obvious. Mikasa’s eyes stuck on Eren, her gaze unimpressed, and her mouth pursed in a line as Eren, yet again, repeated the same two words. Just louder. 

Suddenly, she asked, “What was the plan?”

Armin let out another groan. “Beats me. He just told me to leave it to him.”

Mikasa cocked an eyebrow, however, she said nothing more. Instead, she turned her head to the plate before her and resumed eating. 

* * *

“Be lenient with his fragile maiden,” said Annie apathetically. 

Eren nodded, however, Mikasa snorted loudly. 

She scoffed and glared at Annie before turning back to Eren. “Treat her like an unmated fragile beast.”

At Eren’s confused look, Armin hesitantly elaborated, “In other words, she’s telling you to go wild.”

Suddenly, Eren’s eyes lit up and he nodded with much more vigor than before. “Got it!” He exclaimed. He turned to Annie and grinned.

Annie sighed, shaking her head in mock-disappointment before shooting forwards to kick Eren in the face. She assumed that Eren was more brawn than brains, more eager to use brute strength than move nimbly. That’s why, she was (pleasantly) surprised when Eren, like a flightless bird, dodged out of the way in the last minute, much too fast to be human. She narrowed her eyes. 

On the other hand, Eren joyfully grinned toothily as he expertly moved out of the way, seemingly disappearing before appearing on the opposite side of the blonde, but he didn’t fight back. Choosing to stay on defense rather than offense, he soon earned the ire of his opponent. After dodging the twelfth fist, he finally moved.

Annie gritted her teeth when Eren’s feet shot out, and despite grabbing the other boy to use her signature move, not once but _several times_ , the brunet remained stubbornly standing as if he was planted to the ground. He was unfazed by her attacks, not letting out a single sweat as she continued on her attacks.

 _‘Shit,’_ the two of them thought when Eren’s leg collided with Annie.

When Eren, in his display of flexibility, shot his leg up to kick his opponent, he had miscalculated the strength he was supposed to exert in the moment of joy and put in too much strength. So when his leg clashed with Annie’s body, he internally swore.

On the other hand, Annie had sworn, not because she was hit, or because she was distracted, but because it _fucking hurt_. A lot.

Immediately, Eren shot out to catch Annie, holding her larger body in a bridal-style way before stammering out apologies. It looked comedic from afar, a short young boy clutching a taller blond girl.

“I’m so sorry, Annie! I’m—”

“It’s fine,” Annie gritted out. 

Eren looked at Annie. “I’ll take you to the medic,” he said with ignited determination. “Sorry, Mikasa! Maybe next time? I need to take Annie to the medic!” 

He sped off, giving no indication that he was burdened by the extra weight in his arms, and in little time, the two arrived at the medic. 

The doctors resided in a quaint wooden house not far from the training fields, largely due to the influx of injured cadets that often arrived after sessions with injuries to be checked. So when the main doctor heard the doors open violently, the door colliding with the wall before rebounding, he rushed out, expecting some rowdy boys whining about their injuries.

“Doctor! Annie’s injured!” Eren exclaimed, “Where’s the nearest bed?”

The doctor blinked before pointing at the nearest empty cot.

Annie felt disappointment when she was lowered (though gently), and she turned to stare silently at Eren, who bit his lips in nervousness.

In a sudden act of kindness, Annie opened her mouth. “It’s okay,” she reassured. “I don’t think it’s anything bad.”

“Cadet Leonhart, it’s a fractured rib—”

“It’s nothing bad,” Annie reassured. 

_‘Besides, it’ll immediately heal.’_

* * *

It was supposed to be a simple mission that could have been finished in a single day, and yet… how did they get themselves into this dilemma?

“We should get there fast,” suggested Eren.

Armin hummed, considering the brunet's proposition. “What do you think?” He turned to Marco, questioning.

Marco gently smiled. “That’s fine,” he responded, a hint of nervousness bleeding through in his voice.

“Why should we, though?” Jean scoffed, “Not like we’d get any extra points.”

“Can we just get there as fast as possible, though?” Connie asked.

Sasha nodded, hopeful.

“It’s fine,” Armin sighed, “We can take our time—it’s like Jean said.”

Eren pouted. “Fine.” He huffed and looked away from the group, simply choosing to stay silent as their group continued to trek through the forest.

A few hours later, Marco looked back at his map, taking the next action into account. He pondered over his choices, thinking as they continued to walk. A few moments later, he looked up and blinked at the red horizon.

He paused in his steps. “It’s afternoon. We might want to find somewhere to stay.” Turning back to his map before looking back at his surroundings, he narrowed his eyes to scan the forest and then at the reddening sky. The sun would soon completely set.

With a sigh, Armin, like Marco, looked around before saying, “We should try to stop near the clearing over there.” He pointed at the space meters away.

Nodding, Marco walked ahead and beckoned the others over. “It’s safe!” He called out.

However, as night arrived and each of the members began their own jobs, there was a sudden rustle beyond the bushes.

Immediately stiffened, Armin jerked his head towards the sound, trepidation filling him as something—obviously malicious—slowly walked out. Shortly after, he spotted the figures; mask covering their faces, rifles held threateningly in their arms, and… Krista.

Marco gasped. “Krista!” He discarded his map onto the ground and ran over. However, before he could take one more step, he froze in fear as one of the masked men pointed his rifle at his head.

The masked man was obviously sneering as he pushed the head of the rifle onto the young cadet, unhesitant in his movement. “Don’t move,” he ordered. He looked up and stared at his comrades, gesturing towards the surrounded cadets. “Get the gear.”

Armin raised a shaky hand. “Wait!” He flinched when all of them—save for the one in front of Marco—pointed their weapons at him. “There was a boy. A short brunet around that girl’s height…” he let out a trembling breath before asking, “Where is he?”

The bandit furthest away from them barked out a laugh. “The kid?” When no one answered, he continued, “Probably dead, who knows?”

Sasha gasped softly. “Dead?” She repeated under her breath, grunting softly when Connie elbowed her.

Another man—a different one—joined in his comrade’s laughter. “It was pretty dark, but it did hit something, and that kid never followed. Now, where’s the gear?”

“Over here!” One of them yelled.

The leader whistled lowly when he spotted them. “Blades filled, tanks full, good condition…”

“Boss, this one though…”

Armin craned his neck towards the bandits, his eyes lightening in recognition as he saw the one in the leader’s hands.

 _‘Eren’s_ ,’ he thought.

His friend’s gear was scratched in several places, and not because of poor maintenance. Eren was scarily efficient in his movements but rarely were his gear unscathed afterward, leading to many lectures from the instructor. Regardless, he returned seldom with _broken_ gear, so the instructor eventually stopped yelling at him.

“Functional?” The leader waved towards the scratched gear.

The other masked man hesitated. “Yes, but—”

“Then we’ll sell it.” His voice left no room for argument.

The men eventually backed away, Krista still in their arms as they retreated cautiously. However, before they could successfully get away, one of the bandits immediately fell with a choked yelp.

The leader gasped, jerking his head towards his fallen comrade. “Oi! Get up—” He flinched when another fell, falling limply towards the ground. “What—” A growl cut his question off.

* * *

From the darkness, a lone figure strut into view; from the white pants, belt, then to the shirt, and then the customary jacket until a messy brown hair became visible.

Armin let out a sigh in relief. “Eren,” he breathed out.

However, as if he had never heard his friend, Eren stared hatefully at the bandits who stared back fearfully, suddenly hesitant as they were faced with a seemingly young boy who easily knocked two of their men down with a single blow.

When one of the men pointed their rifles at him, Eren let out a loud growl and harshly kicked the man’s arm. A loud _crack_ resonated throughout the forest, causing the other cadets to choke in fear.

“Let go,” Eren growled, “Or you not leave.” He pointed at the unconscious Krista and his expression immediately darkened when the man tightened his grip on her.

The leader let out a semi-confident laugh. “Y-you have no weapon, and we have rifles that are pointed at your comrades. Are you willing to sacrifice them all for her?” He reasoned.

Eren faltered, and that was all that they needed. The bandits immediately took off, taking their gear and Krista as they left. The cadets stayed silent even after they had long since left, almost fearful to speak next.

Finally, Connie managed to say, “W-we should definitely go after them, right?”

Marco hesitated before shaking his head. “No. We have to tell the authorities that Krista and our gear was taken—”

“No.”

Pausing only for a brief moment, Marco said, “The authorities will do something. We can’t do anything here.” He turned his head to Eren. “And you might be injured.”

Eren shook his head. “I am not injured. Cannot waste time.”

The frown on Marco’s face became more prominent. “Eren, you have to be reasonable. They have rifles and we have no gear, and if we get to them as fast as possible, we might be able to save—”

“Might?”

Armin’s face turned ashen at Eren’s tone, and while he agreed with him, knowing that if they waited any further, it would be too late, he was also worried that the brunet may have been worried.

Turning his gaze to Eren, he looked over the smaller boy worriedly. “Were you really shot?”

Eren shook his head, however, instead of answering his friend verbally, he turned back to Marco. His gaze was almost feral as he stared balefully at the freckled boy; eyes amber, teeth bared, and brows furrowed.

“Two unconscious and lugging gear. We can save her, and—” he added before Marco spoke, “ _Might be able to save_ ?” He spit out. “Fine. I will go alone. _Cowards._ ”

Jean coughed awkwardly, averting his eyes to look at the ground instead. “I’ll go with you.”

Sasha and Connie looked at each other.

“Me too.”

“Me too.”

* * *

“We still don’t have any weapons,” said Marco.

Eren stared ahead silently, resolutely looking at the faint tracks on the ground as he ran through the forest. Soon after, he reluctantly took something out of his jacket, hesitantly showing it to the others, his steps never slowing even as he heard the others gasp.

On the other hand, Armin stared at the knife in Eren’s grasp mutely. Finally, when he spoke, it was resigned. “Why, though?”

“Do not want anyone to be caged,” Eren said solemnly. Then he softly added, “Like I was.”

They soon saw a white wagon not far from them, driving faster than steady. Marco turned to Eren, preparing to strategize their next course of action, but before he could say anything, the brunet had already shot out, leaving the rest of them standing in the shadows.

Marco struggled to keep his frustrations inside as he stared at Eren impulsively jumping forwards. “We need to think of something. Quick.”

“He might do it, though,” Connie muttered. “After all, he did knock down those two without breaking a sweat.”

Jean coughed, “He can fight Annie without breaking a sweat.”

“Is that my fault?”

The two-toned-haired boy jolted, paling when he caught sight of Annie standing behind him. “N-no!” He stammered.

Annie slightly smirked. “Didn’t he break your something?”

“Don’t remind me,” he scowled.

* * *

When they spotted the wagon stop, they cautiously neared it, fearful of what may have happened to Eren. However, when they arrived, they all paled for a different reason.

Blood.

Blood lined the wagon, leaving only the horses behind. And at the center was… Eren. Or someone who looked like him.

The figure stood stiffly in the middle of the bloodbath, holding a single bloodied blade as he stared at the mangled bodies on the ground, all dead. His eyes were unseeing, bright and amber, almost _glowing_.

Armin was the first one to reach out. “Eren? Are you okay?”

Suddenly, the figure jolted up and everyone flinched. However, the brunet simply blinked, light returning as his eyes turned back into his customary emerald hue. His doe-like eyes almost stared innocently at his friend, a frightening sight with all the blood splattered onto him.

Marco covered his nose, his pallor green as he stared fearfully at the mangled corpse beside him. “This… is too far.”

Eren blinked. “But…”

“Eren, you didn’t need to kill them. Just keep them from coming back to us,” said Armin gently.

“No…”

“Eh? Eren?”

For some unknown reason, Eren stared at the mangled corpses wetly, his gaze both sad and resolute as he slowly drifted his gaze towards Krista, who was still unconscious.

He inhaled shakily, the blade in his hands trembling before it clattered onto the ground. “Bandits. Can only rid of them if they are dead.” He spoke as if it was imprinted into his heart.

“Eren…?”

Suddenly, Eren spoke, “Bandits killed my parents. And mom died because… I was too late.”

Armin cocked his head confusedly. “The Yeagers?”

The brunet shook his head. “No. My…” he couldn’t say ‘real’ as he truly had no idea, so he settled with, “Parents. Mom and Dad—the Yeagers a-adopted me.”

_‘They took me in and I did nothing to save them.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I had trouble thinking of the perfect way of making Levi become alone, so I just... *waves at my nonexistent fanfiction powers* did something.  
> * yet another headcanon of mine where if dressed nicely, no one would be able to tell that Eren is in fact, a male  
> * Armin is suspicious. He's observant and he can certainly see that Eren has changed in some way. (And that there's something that Eren's hiding)  
> * it's been revealed. Eren's adopted. *dramatic gasps*  
> * Frankly, Armin's probably tired of taking care of Eren. Not that he'll ever stop.  
> * My ability to write action sucks and it shows. Especially since this chapter has a lot of scenes with action.  
> * No, Eren probably wasn't shot. But he did go into a semi-feral state after seeing Krista almost get captured because he hates being caged and doesn't want anyone else to experience that horrible feeling.  
> * Titan!Eren wasn't as inconspicuous as he thought since Levi saw him.  
> * Marco may sound like an asshole, but I swear he has everyone's best interests. But for Eren (and Armin), it's naivety. For bandits with rifles that disappeared as soon as appeared, there's no doubt that if they trek their way to the authorities, it would be far too late to rescue Krista (especially since the authorities won't give a damn).  
> * Besides being teased for staring at tall tall Reiner and Bertolt, no one really cares about Eren's short height except for Armin and Mikasa.


	4. he fights them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a repeat of what happened five years ago, the wall was destroyed, but this time, things are different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> I absolutely _cannot_ write action scenes, please spare me from this suffering. While I would love to go ahead and write about Eren killing titans left and right with his superhuman strength with super detailed and imaginative descriptions... I, unfortunately, can't. *sobs*
> 
> There are no warnings in this chapter! No deaths! Yay! I will be killing Marco, though (not in this chapter), because I completely forgot about why Jean entered the Survey Corps and he's too valuable to lose. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Eren was mildly confused when he, along with nine other cadets, lined themselves horizontally. He expected himself to be out of the list—maybe at the end—but he certainly didn’t expect to be standing next to Mikasa at the end of one side of the line. He could feel the heavy glare Jean pinned towards him and turned his focus to Armin instead. The blond grinned proudly at him as the instructor arrived.

Instructor Shadis gave Eren one long look that was undecipherable before turning to his papers. “In tenth place; Krista Lenz! In ninth; Sasha Braus! Eighth; Connie Springer! Seventh; Marco Bott! Sixth; Jean Kirstein! Fifth; Bertolt Hoover! Fourth; Reiner Braun! Third; Annie Leonhart! Second; Mikasa Ackerman! And at first, we have Eren Yeager!”

The rest of the cadets erupted in applause. With one last glance towards Eren, the ex-commander looked back at everyone else and glared heavily at them.

“You have all successfully graduated! Congratulations!” Instructor Shadis barked but with no particular bite.

Everyone watched with bated breaths as the ex-commander tilted his head slightly as if to look at the top ten graduates. However, before he could fully turn his head, he rotated the rest of his body and departed from the scene, leaving everyone free to mingle with each other.

“Congratulations, Eren!” Armin praised. “I knew you would get in the top ten!”

Eren frowned unhappily. His lips quivered briefly before finally turning into a pout in a rather despondent manner. “I did not want to be top ten. I only want to join Survey Corps.” He turned away from his friend to slowly walk to Mess Hall.

“You can. Or was I mistaken?”

The brunet stilled for a moment. Abruptly, he perked up and swiveled his head to the source of the voice, sounds of gasps immediately following. He blinked owlishly. “Erwin?”

Erwin stood amusedly. A bundle cocooned in green was held gently in his arms as he cocked an eyebrow towards the shorter brunet. “Did you not want to join the Survey Corps?”

Eren’s eyes flashed before he wilted. “I do—did. But top ten goes to the Military Police…”

The tall blond man choked, freezing simultaneously as his eyes widened in surprise. He tilted his head downwards—though only briefly—before looking back at Eren. A smile was perched on his face as he earnestly handed the bundle to the shorter brunet.

“The top ten has the power to choose any branch of the military, including the elusive Military Police that only accepts the best. The Survey Corps will welcome you with open arms.” Erwin patiently explained.

Suddenly, Armin coughed. “Erwin Smith?” He interjected faintly. He turned to Eren and sighed tiredly, muttering, “Trust Eren to not know who the commander is.”

Eren blinked confusedly while Erwin cracked a smile. The rest of the cadets stood frozen in the spots as the tall blond man leisurely stood within their parameter.

“The commander is the stupid man,” Eren said bluntly, earning several coughs around him. “He has brown hair, long face, and thin eyebrows. Erwin has very thick eyebrows.”

“Eren,” Mikasa tapped Eren’s shoulder, her face devoid of emotion as she spoke. “That’s the ex-commander. This is the new commander.”

Eren stilled for a moment. “Oh… since when?”

Erwin answered, “For a very long time.” He straightened from the position he stayed in after handing the brunet his uniform and lent out a hand. “As the commander, I would like to welcome you to the Survey Corps.”

The brunet visibly swallowed. “Huh?”

Erwin continued, “If you’d like to stay and be with all your friends to officially join with everyone else, you’re welcome to do so. But you’re also welcome to join tonight.”

Armin gently pushed Eren forward. “You should! It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”

However, Mikasa immediately pulled Eren back. The brunet lost his balance at the sudden shift and fell onto the taller girl, causing Jean—who stood not far from them—to sharply inhale.

Mikasa stared darkly at Erwin before turning to Eren. “You’ll stay, right? All three of us can join _together_.”

Armin began, “Mikasa…”

“I… I guess,” said Eren quietly, a little put out. He handed Erwin back the bundle of clothes and apologized. “I want to join with my friends. I am sorry.”

The commander took the bundle, grasping it before nestling it underneath his arm, unsurprised by the brunet’s apologies. “No worries, I expected this much. Well, Eren,” he turned to look at the brunet in the eyes. “See you in the inauguration ceremony.”

Armin turned to Mikasa, frowning. “You shouldn’t of have stopped him, Mikasa. You know how much Eren wants to join the Survey Corps.” He gave a disappointed look towards the black-haired girl before turning to Eren. “I’m surprised that you rejected him.”

Eren shook his head, “Did not reject him,” he said. At Armin’s confused look, he added, “Because I will definitely join. And Mikasa is right; we should join together.”

“Oi! Eren! I heard that the commander of the Survey Corps was here! Where is he?” Connie yelled, glancing around. He squinted at the distance along with Sasha, who had a roll of bread in her mouth.

“He left,” answered Eren bluntly.

Sasha blinked. “I… I heard that he came for you. Why didn’t you leave?”

A new voice interjected, “Yeah, why didn’t you?”

Eren turned around. The slight smile on his face dropped and was replaced by a scowl as he glared at Jean. “I wanted to join with Mikasa and Armin,” he answered.

Connie cocked his head confusedly. “But you’ve always been preaching about joining…”

“I will,” said Eren resolutely.

Sasha turned to Eren, “But you’re still here…”

“I will join with everyone else,” responded Eren resolutely. He grabbed Armin and Mikasa’s hands, dragging the two to Mess Hall, uncaring of whether or not he left in the middle of the conversation.

When they arrived, Mess Hall was loud. The chattering increased tenfold from the ordinary nights, and many people stood idly by a table, leisurely conversing with their friends about where they would join. The trio managed to grab a tray of food, consisting of a dry roll of bread, bland soup, and some sort of _glop_ , and they settled at an empty table.

Eren immediately gave Armin his soup and glop before grabbing his roll of bread to shove into his mouth. “I mean it,” he said as he tore another piece of bread. “I want to join with everyone.” He glanced pointedly at Armin.

Armin gulped, “I-I know, but it just seems like a waste,” he laughed awkwardly.

Eren hummed, swallowing his last piece of bread. “I just feel like I should stay or I might miss something important,” he admitted.

Mikasa nodded, “Important?” She repeated.

“It reminds me of the day the wall fell.” He touched his chest tenderly, remembering the same weird feeling he felt _that_ day. “It was the same kind of feel.”

And the weird feeling had never been wrong.

* * *

Eren knelt on the ground, his right hand nimbly cleaning the canon with a dark rag. His ODM gear rattled and shook whenever he moved, but he barely paid any mind to the sound. Instead, his focus was directed at the feeling in his gut that never failed him—one that strengthened every day. Ever since Erwin appeared at the disbanding ceremony, the sensation that _something_ was going to happen never receded in the slightest.

His hand twitched for a brief moment when another wave of churning proceeded to make his stomach feel even more uncomfortable.

The action did not go unnoticed by Thomas, who stopped mid-wipe to look at him. His expression was one of worry; furrowed brows and pursed lips as his eyes darted from Eren's hand to his face. He remained silent, however, his body was tense and his hand was frozen mid-motion.

From the sudden stillness of his partner's hands, Eren accidentally hit the blond with his elbow.

"Sorry!" Eren immediately apologized.

Thomas waved his free hand dismissively. "It's fine," he assured. He paused for a moment, pursing his lips before asking, "Hey... are you okay?"

Eren blinked. He stared quizzically at the other boy, surprised at the sudden question. "... yes," he answered softly. He turned away from the other boy and resumed cleaning the canon. His expression was nonchalant, not betraying how he felt on the inside.

He was scared. His stomach churned with every moment, strengthening as if something was nearing. He hadn't had this horrible feeling since... Wall Maria, but even then, it wasn't this bad.

His stomach on that day was more of a gut feeling, a sensation of dread overcoming him as the way went on. Back then, he didn't have much of an appetite, and on that day, in particular, he could barely stomach the food. It was like he had consumed rocks; it sat uncomfortably inside, feeling so solid despite his reluctant chewing.

He remembered the worried looks his mother shot him, concerned with the food that was left on his plate. His father on the other hand barely paid any mind. After all, he was the only one who knew that he could survive without eating, regardless of form. Although there was a distinct feeling of _emptiness_ whenever he didn't eat for a prolonged period of time, it wasn't unbearable. The vacancy in this stomach was something he was quite used to, although he never knew why back then. Only after regaining his memories did he finally understand

"I am," Eren attempted to assure Thomas.

The blond looked at him dubiously, obviously doubtful of his words. However, rather than pointing it out, he turned back to the canon, choosing to clean it instead. The two entered a comfortable silence, swiftly using their rags to finish their task. They eventually finished, much earlier than everyone else.

The other cadets idly swiped the canon with their rags, neither motivated nor interested in keeping it in perfect condition. Meaningless chatter could be heard from some pairs, particularly from Sasha and Connie. The two playfully tried to smear whatever that clung to their rags onto each other, one bursting out in laughter when the other failed in their attempts.

Eren absently moved to the edge of the wall, his mind wandering elsewhere as he stared blankly at the ruins. Most of the buildings were destroyed, crushed by the titans, and if one looked close enough, they would see little moss growing tentatively from the fallen rubble. It was one way to see just how much time had passed since humanity had lost a handful of their population.

Five years ago, Eren was... in pieces. His memory was absolutely horrible, and he lived a life of naivety precisely because of his broken past. He believed that most humans were good and that _he_ was a good person when it was the opposite. He had a broken moral compass that could never direct him in the right way, and it had led to so many tragedies. However, his compass had also led him to many good things, such as Mikasa.

Back then, he believed that he would live the rest of his life in Shiganshina with his new parents. The townsfolk were kind, generous, and everything he could ask for. He had a friend, an adopted sister, so what else did he need? He was _content_ , and he believed that his contentment was all that was needed to uphold the tranquility.

He was wrong.

Not only did he lose Shiganshina, but he also lost his new parents. His hesitance was their downfall, and his unwillingness caused the death of many people. While he could have saved everyone by choosing to expose himself as a Titan, he didn't. Instead, out of his own fear and cowardice, he condemned all the kind people to their deaths.

When he left to become one of the most infamous serial killers of Trost, he did something similar. He killed people, even while understanding that they had a family because _he_ also had a family. He had Armin and Mikasa; children who had yet to grow. If he didn't kill people just as Mister Wagner ordered him to do so, the two would have died. They would have starved, they would have lost the light in their eyes, and they would—

"What is that?!"

Eren instantly snapped out of his stupor, fear clutching him in a vice grip as the smell slowly wafted his way. It was the smell of steam; a specific type that he could never forget. The pungent odor was clear, strong, and most of all, it was one that he had recently smelt.

He could hear the other cadets shrieking in fright, but with the overwhelming amount of _heat_ and _steam_ obscuring his view, he could do nothing but stand confusedly in his place. Impatiently, he waited, gritting his teeth as he finally caught a glimpse of uncovered flesh. The steam then cleared completely as a gust of wind swept it away, revealing the Colossal Titan, who stared right at them.

Someone had cursed, and he distinctly heard Mina gasp in fright, her voice stammering and clogging several times before she managed to say:

"A... A Titan!"

Eren stared in disbelief, half-relieved when his raging stomach suddenly calmed as if it hadn't been churning for the last few days. However, unlike the raw fear that overtook all the cadets before him, he stood rather unsurprised.

Of course, he was still shocked, but not like everyone else. He had partially been expecting the Colossal Titan to appear soon, but truly, nothing prepared him for the _actual_ arrival. Hidden memories suddenly surfaced, like the rubble flying in his house's direction, and the despairing look on his mother's face.

 _'I really hate you,'_ he thought angrily. _'I thought you were nice... but I was stupid... Bertolt.'_

It's been five years since he lost his new home to the Titans, and this time... Eren wasn't going to hesitate. He wouldn't lose to the cowardness inside him, and he certainly won't stop at his human limitations. No, he _will_ transform if it's needed.

He watched as the Colossal Titan moved its slow limbs horizontally. Steam erupted with every little movement, and it wasn't long until he was yet again obscured. Distantly, he heard the sound of the canons being forcefully pushed from their place, crashing and crushing under the heated arm who gave no mercy.

Eren then jumped, using his ODM gear to expertly maneuver himself despite the lack of proper vision. The steam still obscured where he was going and the sheer _odor_ of it caused his nose to be unable to steer himself in the most precise direction. Still, he managed, though a little belatedly, to land on the Titan's shoulder. He glared uncharacteristically angrily at the Colossal Titan, his teeth bared in a snarl.

The Colossal Titan barely spared him a glance, though he didn't know if it was because it could only move at a very slow pace. Regardless, he began moving, disregarding whatever he learned about keeping gas use to a minimum. He propelled himself forwards at a much faster speed, easily reaching the heated flesh of the Titan's nape in a matter of seconds. Planting his feet securely with his hooks embedded right under him, he wasted no time in raising his blades. However, just as his blades dug into the Titan, his hands gripped tightly in preparation to cut it out, an overwhelming amount of steam erupted.

The steam caught him by surprise, and though the heat didn't hurt him, he was unprepared for his hooks to lose their place, causing him to flail in the air. It didn't take him long to regain his balance, his fingers furiously pressing on the trigger in order to finally manage to embed the hooks into the wall. By then, the Colossal Titan disappeared, with not a single bit of flesh left.

Eren looked around, madly swiveling his head to catch a glimpse of Bertolt, but to no avail, he could not find the other teenager. A pair of large footprints were left at the base of the wall, and only then did he realize with a foreboding feeling that the wall had once again been kicked open.

"Did you kill it?" Thomas yelled from afar.

Eren jolted upwards. Instead of answering, he propelled himself upwards, landing gracefully in front of the other cadets. The cadets were tense, fear obvious with their pale skin and their wide-eyes.

"No," he answered. He added, "Sorry."

Thomas laughed awkwardly.

"It's fine," Mina assured quietly. She cracked a strained smile, saying, "We were all frozen—”

"Should... should we even be talking?" said Connie nervously, pointing downwards. "T-the wall's been destroyed and—and if we don't do something..." he trailed off.

 _'It'll be like five years ago,'_ Eren finished internally.

* * *

The other cadets were nervous. Some walked sluggishly as if they couldn't believe that _this_ was happening. Others kneeled on the ground, emptying their food at the side with someone else kneeling alongside them, holding their back concernedly. Armin stood still in the middle of the hallway, uncaring of the others who pushed him for being in the way. His expression was hidden underneath his hair, but Eren was certain that he was scared. Mikasa, on the other hand, continued walking at a brisk pace, her face betraying absolutely nothing.

"Eren, we've been assigned to help the Garrison," said Mikasa.

The brunet paused mid-step, blinking in confusion. "But we are not in the Garrison," he stated. He gestured towards Armin, who continued to be frozen. "We were in the same group."

"We were specially assigned," Mikasa elaborated.

"Armin?"

Mikasa shook her head. She said, "He's been assigned to be in the same group as Reiner."

Eren didn't trust Reiner. The blond man had a scent that was similar to Bertolt's; half-Titan, half-human. It wasn't a scent that he could easily forget, and he was sure that after seeing the Colossal Titan once again, that Reiner was probably another Titan—the Armor, perhaps. The blond's build was eerily similar to the Armored, who had destroyed Wall Maria's entrance that day. At first, he wasn't too sure about the identity of Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie. Maybe they were someone like him; a Titan who managed to get inside the walls. However, as time went on, there was a scary certainty that Bertolt was the Colossal with Reiner as the Armored.

He tried his best to get rid of such thoughts. After all, they were _friends_... but the more time he spent with them, the more he was certain. And with the sudden arrival of the foreboding gut-feeling on disbanding ceremony, he half-expected the Colossal to arrive.

Instead of voicing out his doubt on Reiner's loyalty to Humanity, he let out an unhappy grunt.

"Armin," called Eren.

Armin tensed for a moment before looking up. His pallor was rather clammy, and sweat dripped from his forehead. His blue eyes were wide-blown, flashing with raw fear that subsided when his gaze landed on Eren.

"Stay safe," was all Eren could say.

At first, Armin seemed surprised, then with a glance towards a Garrison soldier who stood impatiently at the side while glaring at them, he understood. He gave both Eren and Mikasa a thankful smile, though a little strained, and nodded.

"I will," he promised.

They went separate ways, two different paths, two different groups, however, with the help of fate, they'll reunite regardless.

* * *

Eren, with his familiarity with Titans, didn't feel any fear when he caught a glimpse of one running towards the evacuating civilians. It was fast, yes, but he had seen scarier ones during his time living in the forest. This Titan, in particular, ran with an extreme speed, almost too fast for them. However, as he had done before when the Colossal Titan arrived, he forcefully exerted more gas and immediately sped up, easily reaching the running abnormal before it caused any further damage.

Without faltering, Eren raised his blades, expertly cutting out the nape. His blades sifted through flesh like water, easily moving. When the Titan fell to the ground, dead, Mikasa arrived. Her feet soundlessly landed on the steaming carcass with only the sounds of the whirring wires being heard.

She looked at Eren, then at the civilians confusedly. "The evacuation... Eren," she turned to her friend. "Go back without me. I need to take care of something."

"... okay." Eren nodded, but not before glancing at Mikasa one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Eren absolutely did not know that he's been talking to THE commander of the Survey Corps because he thought that the commander he saw back then in Shiganshina was still... the commander  
> * Eyebrows, period. Nothing else is needed.  
> * Anger has been ignited, and Eren will use that to get his home back.  
> * I actually had to go back and reread the manga for some of these scenes.


	5. he closes the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sealing the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early happy new years, everyone? 
> 
> Note that there are no ships in this chapter. Just softness... and stuff.

The buildings were in shambles, crushes. The Titans roamed the streets without a single concern for their surroundings, their lumbering figure crashing into the architecture every once in a while. Steaming carcasses could be seen from afar due to the distinct gas soaring high up into the sky. You could spot heads of Titans lumbering through the path. Sometimes, they stopped to grab a quick meal, but they always returned to complete their original objective; terrorization. 

Eren grunted when he grabbed a new pair of blades—his last pair. He had been flying in the air alongside Mikasa, searching for their friends after the evacuation ended. They were told to withdraw, however, against their orders, they decided to check up on their fellow cadets, and possibly, Armin, to see how they're doing.

Eventually, they spotted several figures standing on the roof of the building. There were many people in one place, a definite _no_ , especially when there are Titans who are specifically attracted to crowds. The two neared the group, intent on warning them of the possible dangers, but as they descended, they spotted the familiar emblem on each soldier's back; two intersecting swords. Immediately, they knew that it was their friends.

"Eren! Mikasa!" Armin cried out in relief when he spotted the two figures.

The other cadets swiveled their heads around, their uncertain expression quickly changing into one of joy. One by one, the cadets pointed at them, a relieved smile adorning each of the faces. Armin in particular immediately shot up to embrace Eren when he landed and had he not had a strong balance, he would have toppled over at the sudden weight.

"You're all right!" exclaimed Armin tearfully.

Eren cracked a smile, but the slight curve to his lips soon dropped when he got a better look at his friends. They looked tired as if all the light in their eyes were extinguished, but that wasn't the point. There were several missing cadets, those who had been in the same group as some of the ones standing here, but he couldn't spot them. A sense of dread overcame him.

"W-where is..." He looked around again. "Thomas? Mina? Where is—"

"They're dead," stated Ymir, interrupting him. 

He knew. He _knew_ that they were probably dead. Not many could survive going head-to-head against Titan's after all. Whether it be terror, gear, or a misstep, the mortality rate was scarily high, and so cadets like them were extremely likely to die in their first mission. The fact that this many survived was a miracle itself.

Back when he lived outside the walls, he had spotted many instances of new and fresh soldiers riding out with bright sparkles in their eyes, only to be smothered instantly when they came across a Titan. The light would dim until there was only darkness. Most of the time, these soldiers would freeze in fear at the face of the Titan, falling into their clutches, only to die shortly after.

If there was one thing that he knew to be true, even when he didn't understand much about the people in green, it was that the group that left were much, _much_ smaller than the group that came.

Eren swallowed, unsure of what to say. What he did manage to get out, however, was, "Large groups can attract Titans."

"Carelessly creating a crowd can lead to Abnormals arriving," added Mikasa.

Jean sighed loudly. "It's not like we're gathered _on purpose._ We're out of gas."

"Not everyone," Armin hurriedly added when he saw the confused look on Eren. He added, "Some of us have gas... just barely. We were talking about using the last bit we have to get to the headquarters."

Mikasa nodded in agreement. "What's the plan?" she asked.

Awkwardly, Armin scratched his cheek. "We-erm, well, we were thinking of using the roofs to our advantage... and only using gas when it's absolutely needed,” he explained.

Eren lit up. "Then why are we waiting? Let's go! There is no point in waiting for Titans!" Without waiting for anyone's answer, he started to run with Mikasa following shortly after.

Before leaving, Mikasa turned to Armin and the other cadets, her voice resolute. "You can stay here and die. But if you come with us… you might survive."

It was a horrible speech and it wasn't uplifting in the slightest, but for a lot of them, they were at the very rock bottom. They had no hope, they had no future, so risking their lives for the possibility of surviving seemed plausible. It sounded like the best answer for them, so, one by one, the cadets hesitantly stepped forward. Those who had an ample amount of gas gave some to those who hand none. Soon, everyone stepped forwards, running alongside each other. 

The plan was simple; use the roofs as much as possible. Try to not catch a Titan's attention. Only fight and use gas when it is absolutely necessary. It seemed too good to be true, but it worked. One by one, the cadets used the last of their gas to get themselves into the headquarters, some narrowly escaping the Titan’s clutches.

"That was a close one!" Connie exclaimed, holding his now-empty gas tank with an awed expression. His pallor was still pale, the adrenaline still running as he stared at the shattered window with wide, unblinking eyes. 

"Barely," coughed Armin.

Connie turned his head towards Armin, wasting no time in clutching the taller blond. "You're a genius!" He praised. "Your plan really worked! It worked!"

Eren grinned, exclaiming, "Of course it worked! Armin's plan always works!"

Groaning, Armin covered his face with his hands. His uncovered ears were bright red and there was no doubt that his face was in the same hue. 

"Stop..." he tried, his blush not receding in the slightest, but to no avail, the two continued to banter about his intellect.

 _'Don't we have something more important to do?'_ He thought as he tried to stop the two once again. However, it was as if he was invisible. They would not stop in the slightest and they gave no indication that they had heard him.

"Armin is a genius!" Eren exclaimed, waving his arms with fervor as he described the adventures he and his friend had with a surprising amount of eloquence.

Armin groaned.

* * *

There was a part of him that _knew_ that the destruction of Wall Rose was a dangerous thing. No longer were they protected, and worse, if the wall was breached like Wall Maria’s, the rest of Humanity would have no choice but to escape to Wall Sheena; the innermost city for the rich.

The city was warded off. People needed seals. There was no guarantee that the military would even open up the doors to the outsiders from Wall Maria, given that the government was corrupted.

Armin's voice shook as he spoke, his eyes wide in terror as the situation caught up to him. "It's no good! There's an eight-meter hole in the wall and-and there's no way to fix it quickly! Even though there's a rock that can seal the hole, there isn't any way to move it!"

"Armin—"

"The town'll be abandoned," said Armin weakly. "It's only a matter of time until only Wall Sheena is left..."

Eren found himself thinking once again that the world is a cruel place. People are filled with greed, unable to live without their desires being fulfilled. They constantly fought and mercilessly destroyed others for the sake of their happiness... but is that _true_ happiness? He didn't know.

If only a world existed, where everyone was good, then there would be paradise. A beautiful land, filled with flourishing crops that were _perfect_. Trees of all colors, growing with little fruits hanging off them. Maybe there would be a single rule, one that he would gladly follow if it meant that he would be able to live a life in utopia. If he lived his life in paradise, where everyone was kind... would he have turned into what he was now?

He was a monster. He could not die. His youthful frame remained, even while his soul eroded, the pain grinding down what little light that was left until only a muted wisp remained, it's once bright colors now dull. He could no longer feel pain as the tortures he faced _there_ dulled whatever sense he had. His heart, on the other hand, was not used to hurting. He may have crushed his moral compass, but his heart had not felt pain for a very long time. That's why, when his new family died, he was unused to the ache in his heart.

"Armin."

He didn't want to lose his family anymore. Picking up whatever that was left of his family... not only once, but _twice_ was something he never wanted to feel again. The feeling of shards digging into his soul, the broken pieces cutting his skin... he didn't want that. Certainly, he didn't want to lose whatever that was left of his current family, and he would do everything in his power to be sure of that.

His friend's eyes were unseeing, dazed, but he was certainly looking at him. His pale skin was snow-white, even whiter than his shirt which looked grey in contrast.

"Retreat with Mikasa," said Eren quietly.

"What—" Armin briefly trembled, before shaking his head rapidly. "Of course not! You have to come with us, or else you're going against orders!"

Eren bit his lip. "I know," he stated. He raised his hand to stop Armin, "I can help."

He won't let what happened in Shiganshina repeat ever again.

"Eren, I know you're strong," Armin tried to say, placating. "But you're... you're still a person. You might've lived outside the walls, but this is an eight-meter hole we're talking about!"

Eren didn't answer, remaining silent, much to Armin's ever-growing fear. He stood kneeling on the ground, right next to his friend with his hands on his shoulder. Mikasa stood not far from them, but she appeared to not have heard their conversation. She simply stayed still, her dark eyes on the sky, frozen as everyone around her milled about.

Finally, he said, "I can seal it. But you cannot tell anyone."

Armin shook his head, tightening his grip on the brunet's jacket. "You can't! I—I don't know what you're trying to do, but it's definitely dangerous! I can tell!"

Mutely, Eren grabbed the blond's shoulder and stared. Determined green eyes that flashed amber met blue, and he said, "Trust me."

As if he was a marionette whose strings were cut, Armin crumpled, curling up into himself. His eyes were wet and he sniffed a few times. He had lost, he knew. His friend was going to leave to do who-knows-what, and there wasn't a single guarantee that he would return unscathed. Still...

"I trust you," murmured Armin.

His friend flashed the brightest smile towards him. It quickly subsided, though the smile was still there, as he gratefully said, "Thank you."

Armin shrugged, unsure of what to say. However, as Eren stood up, preparing to leave, he suddenly grabbed his jacket again, pulling it. "Wait," he said. He swallowed at the sudden dryness of his throat. 

"Promise me... promise me that you'll come back. Unscathed."

"I promise."

" _Unscathed_."

"I will."

Reluctantly, he said, "... stay safe."

Eren smiled. "I will," he said.

* * *

It was almost easy... _too_ easy to slip away.

At first, he summed it up to his short height. After all, with such a small height, it was easy to overlook him... literally, but he knew that that wasn't the case. No, it was because they didn't anticipate anyone to escape, so it was all too easy to effortlessly slip into the shadows unnoticed. After bidding Armin goodbye, he quickly started his jog past the unguarded walls and into Wall Rose without any complications. The boulder Armin talked about sat not too far from the destroyed entrance and bigger than what his friend described. It was good, though. With the rock as big as the one there, there was a guaranteed success in stopping the Titans from destroying Wall Rose just like they had done with Wall Maria.

Eren stood in the shadows and out of sight from the other soldiers. As he leaned on the wall of a quaint house, he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding while waiting for the Garrison soldiers to leave. He put a hand on his chest, attempting, and failing, to calm his beating heart. It thumped violently, almost as if it was attempting to bruise his ribs. Almost tirelessly, his heart continued on with its beating. Sweat clung to his forehead as anxiety held him in a vice grip, unwilling to let him go. His breath quickened as he came across the sudden realization that he was... _scared_.

It has been five years since the fall of Shiganshina and Wall Maria. It has been even longer since he felt such fear. Most of all, he hasn't transformed in many years. Ever since he left the steaming carcass of his body in lieu of following his new father, he hasn't attempted to transform into his larger form. There was a moment, however, when the Titans lumbered before him, where his hand climbed closer to his mouth. However, he quickly lowered it, unable to act out.

Since then, the power he had sat unused in his body. It gathered dust, forgotten, and unneeded, but it was still there. Glowing and _brimming_ with unbridled power, it waited for its fateful call, prepared to jump at the slightest command from its owner.

If it were five years ago, he probably wouldn't have acted. But he had changed. He wasn't the cowardly boy who valued normalcy more than the lives of the others anymore. He wasn't the boy who refused to act, even when he could have changed the outcome, just because of personal feelings.

With eyes that turned amber with determination, he put his hands towards his mouth, and without hesitation, he bit down. Hard. 

His skin burned with power and his sight was blinded by an overwhelmingly bright light. He didn't know what it looked like from afar... but he knew that it was probably a spectacle. Muscles and tendons formed around him, engulfing him in heat, and seconds later, with red-rimmed vision, he stared down at the boulder.

 _'I am not that_ boy _from five years ago,'_ he thought resolutely. _'I have to do this... I_ chose _to do this.'_

_'And I made the choice of using this power for the sake of humanity.'_

* * *

"What is that?!"

Armin blinked at the sudden exclamation. Sharing a look of confusion with the other cadets, they turned to the source of the voice with an inquisitive expression. However, before they could ask a single question, a soldier, a different one, yelled:

"An abnormal Titan just... appeared!" 

Immediately, all the soldiers stood up. Some stared fearfully and their bodies moved backward before their minds could register, while others came forwards, curious. It wasn't often that an abnormal Titan simply... appears, as the soldier stated, so many of the soldiers walked closer to the wall, although they wouldn't be able to see regardless.

"Appeared?" Reiner repeated, his brows furrowing. "Impossible."

Connie cocked his head to the side. "Didn't the Colossal Titan just appear?"

The taller boy stared at him for a while before shrugging, "Beats me. Weren't you the one on top of the wall back then?"

Laughing awkwardly, Connie scratched his neck in embarrassment. "Yeah, I was there," he agreed. "But I was kind of scared to focus on the appear-disappear trick—I think Eren saw it though! He tried to fight it!"

Reiner blinked. He looked around, his eyes narrowing in search of something—or someone—but before he could voice out his question, someone else spoke.

"Have you guys seen Eren?" Asked Mikasa.

"No..." Connie looked around. "Haven't seen him for a while."

"I think I saw him with Armin a while ago," Krista piped up helpfully.

There was a slight pause between the cadets before they all turned to Armin expectantly. At the sudden attention, the blond boy froze, nervousness wracking him as he thought of what to say.

"Uh... I don't know.”

Mikasa turned to her friend and stared at him unblinkingly. "When did you last see him?" She asked.

"I..." he swallowed. "I last saw him a while ago—but I don't know where he went afterward."

"He probably needed to take a break," Sasha suggested. She paused, then added, "Or maybe he was hungry."

Armin nodded, awkwardly smiling. "I... I guess—"

A loud crash interrupted Armin’s words, cutting him off mid-speech. The sound reverberated throughout the whole entire crowd and it was followed by a violent shake to the ground. Everyone looked towards the sound in apprehension, fearful that the last wall was destroyed. However, that was not the case, as the soldiers on top of the wall began to yell. It sounded like a cry of disbelief with a hint of joy—which was bewildering because there really was nothing to be happy for.

Yet again, the soldiers who stood at the bottom of the wall began to look around in confusion. They muttered in a disorganized manner, wondering what caused the sudden cry.

Then the soldiers on the wall yelled, "The Titan disappeared!"

Followed by, "The wall was sealed!"

Realization dawned upon Armin as the other soldiers, though hesitantly, began to cheer in happiness just like the ones on top of the walls. It started off soft, hesitant, and more like a question, before turning into a complete yell of delight as the fact that they got Wall Rose back caught up to them.

He thought back to the conversation he and Eren had before the retreat. Still dazed at the time as he attempted to process today's experience, he vaguely remembered speaking with panic laced in his voice. There, Eren had told him to retreat with Mikasa. The rest of the memory was much clearer, but it wasn't the best.

Eren's eyes flashed amber then, just like it had done when they were children. He almost forgot about that one little bit of information. His friend's eyes often glowed amber on numerous occasions, but the one he remembered the most with clarity was the time he had first met him. Back then, he was an average bullied kid that no one tried to help. Then, Eren came along. His speech was horrible and he seemed to have barely understood human behavior, but his heart was good. He fought the bullies off with his fists alone, and the two became friends. 

For Armin, that was his life-changing moment. Since then, he always stuck next to the brunet, hiding behind the taller boy's figure whenever the bullies tried to near him. The kids weren’t stupid. Eren was obviously stronger than them, and they didn’t want to risk anything by going against him. 

His friend's glowing amber eyes always intrigued him. They were usually green, bright, yet not glowing, but when he became angry, it was like a switch was pulled. His eyes would suddenly switch colors, and it would glow in the darkness like a cat. Among the numerous... quirks he seemed to have, it was safe to say that his friend was an enigma. He lived outside the walls for an unknown period of time, his speech, or the lack of one, his circumstances leading to his adoption into the Yeager family... and his overall strength. Inhumane strength. He was strong... impossibly so.

Most of all... there were moments where Eren acted much older than he seemed to be.

Sometimes, his eyes sparkled in childlike wonder, as if he had never seen a butterfly up close. But then he would change. His eyes were serious and he acted like an old man in a child’s body. He understood the laws of the world with much more familiarity than a normal boy and easily adhered to them. 

Suddenly, a familiar voice called his name, snapping him out of his stupor. 

"Armin!"

"... Eren?" Armin blinked.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried out, wasting no time in running towards him. She hovered over the brunet and her hands twitched in worry as she shot question after question.

Unfazed, Eren grinned, though a bit tiredly. "Sorry," he apologized.

Armin was absolutely certain that the Titan who abruptly appeared, sealed the wall, and disappeared was Eren, and this fact answered many of the questions. _Why he lived outside the walls… why he was familiar with the scent of Titans…_ However, at the same time, several other questions were at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be answered.

First of all... _How_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Yes. They're dead. Mina, Thomas, etc... and so will Marco. Marco will definitely die. But we just haven't seen it yet.  
> * Eren finally transformed. Next chapter, we'll be getting Levi's POV.  
> * Armin knows!  
> * Who's going to tell everyone that Eren is older than the 'first' Titan? LOL.


	6. he is a soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren managed to join the Survey Corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!!! Here's a lil new years present to start the year!!!! 
> 
> I changed the title and chapter names because... I didn't think it matched? It really didn't match the story, so I changed it to garden of paradise. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

_'That Titan...'_

Levi stared. His body had stilled the moment his eyes landed on the figure by the entrance, and his breath quickened the longer he watched. The figure was familiar, one that he would never forget. Its well-proportioned body was a rarity, and its glowing emerald eyes with the specks of gold were still as beautiful as it had been five years ago. Distantly, he wondered why the Titan was here, inside the walls, and yet... helping them. The forest was far from the walls, barely noticeable, save for the smallest dot with the slightest resemblance to the walls.

He watched as the Titan carried the boulder with a muscled arm. holding it over its head with unearthly strength. Every few moments or so, it let out puffs of steam, supposedly panting from all the weight. With slow, yet precise movements, the Titan walked. Each footstep was heavy, loud, and shook the surrounding area. It left a slight dent in the pavement in its wake. Then, with a trembling arm, the Titan lowered the boulder swiftly and sealed the entrance.

There was no mistake. With a certainty Levi hadn't known he had, he could confidently say that _this_ Titan was the one who saved him back then. Holding him in its palm as one would do to a fragile bird, the Titan stared at him with a tender expression that he hadn't known was possible for his species. The little puffs of steam were gentle and warmed his body, and even when he brandished his blunt blade threateningly, the Titan only looked at him in curiosity. It tilted his head, then let out a soft keen sound when Levi toppled over in pain, his injuries burning like a wildfire.

He had thought that the Titan would leave him in the forest. After all, there was no way that it would be able to take him back to the other soldiers, so with a soft sigh, he resigned himself to his upcoming fate. There was no way to treat his injuries, so he simply laid on the Titan's warm hand, waiting for death to claim him.

However, that respite never came.

If a Titan saving a human was shocking enough, what happened next was even more baffling. As he watched the Titan maneuver itself throughout the forest with a sense of familiarity, he belatedly realized that it was attempting to take him to his comrades. With every step, he could hear the soldiers from afar, talking, and it didn't take long for Levi and the Titan to arrive by a clearing where everyone resided. The soldiers paled when they caught sight of the Titan, stumbling to brandish their blades before Erwin ordered them to stand down. His eyes were on Levi, and the gaze was calculating.

As gently as possible, the Titan lowered Levi to the ground. It let out a puff of steam after successfully getting him back to the others before letting out a soft throaty sound. Then, without looking back, the Titan ran away, its hands covering its nape as he moved. Its footsteps reverberated throughout the area, but neither Erwin nor Hange showed any signs of discomfort at the earthquake, unlike the other soldiers who wobbled at the sudden violent tremor of the ground.

Instead, Erwin stared at the disappearing Titan with interest. His eyes gleamed at the newfound information while Hange squealed at the new discovery.

"A Titan that knows its own weakness!"

Levi snapped out of his thoughts and looked back at the Titan. He watched with rapt interest as it heaved, panting, but before he could get any closer, his vision was obstructed by steam. It wasn't warm and gentle like the last time, cautious of the human in his hands, but _hot and scorching_. He pursed his lips and shielded his face with his arms, cursing internally.

He waited for the steam to clear, however, by then, the Titan had disappeared. There was no carcass left, just two large footprints at the entrance where it last stood. If it wasn't for the dented pavement leading from the area where the boulder last sat to the entrance, one might doubt ever seeing a Titan, but it was there.

Hange looked at the footprints with rapt interest, looking slightly disappointed at the disappearance. Her eyes sparkled with passion and it didn't lessen the slightest bit when she turned to Erwin with a grin on her face.

"That Titan... it was _that_ one, wasn't it?" She commented, adding, "The one who saved Levi a long time ago."

Erwin curtly nodded in agreement. His eyes narrowed as he focused on the sealed entrance. "It's not dead... Could it be?" he murmured. Then, with a louder voice, audible to both Levi and Hange, he said, "Could our mysterious Titan be living inside the walls?"

* * *

Eren looked at everyone, scanning for his friends. He was tired; sweat clung to his forehead, and his breath was short, but he was more worried. Many of his friends whom he saw that morning, not too long ago were missing from the crowd. They were missing and they haven't shown themselves since the sudden breach. Part of him knew... that they were probably dead. Their corpses were gone, if not thrown up by a Titan, and nothing else was left. But he didn't want to think like that. Part of him hoped... _desperately hoped_ that maybe... maybe he just didn't see them yet.

So, with a heavy heart and nervousness clogging his throat, he asked, "Who... who died?"

The group was deathly silent, unsure of what to say. They were pale and sweating as if nothing seemed real to them at the moment, and their movements were strained. Each step looked like it was the greatest tribulation, and with each tribulation, they looked more tired.

Finally, Jean answered, "Marco died. He died and was found by the streets, covered in Titan shit... and he wasn't wearing his gear." He looked up and then glared at Eren. "You were supposed to be in his squad, weren't you? Where were you while he died?"

"I..." Eren swallowed. "I was with Garrison. With Mikasa."

Mikasa nodded, adding, "We were ordered to help with the evacuation."

Reiner sighed, "You shouldn't point accusations," he chided heavily, his voice cracking as he spoke. "No one from that squad survived."

Marco was in the same squad as Eren—or at least until he was untimely ordered to join the other Garrison soldiers to aid in the evacuation. Maybe it was because he wasn't there that the whole squad was decimated.

Thomas Wagner, Nac Tias, Mylius Zeramuski, Mina Carolina, and... Marco Bott all died.

No one survived and most of their bodies were unable to be retrieved. Their bodies were too mangled and were in pieces so there was no way of knowing which body part belonged to which. Marco was the only one in the squad whose body was complete enough to be recognized. He was thrown up in a desolate street near Wall Sina, ignored by everyone but Jean... Jean... who stared at the corpse with a foreboding look. His friend was covered in Titan fluid. Skin greying and eyes dull, he looked very much unlike the lively boy from just hours ago.

For Eren, perhaps the death that hit him the hardest was Thomas' demise. The morning of the attack... the day where they all cleaned the canons... it was so clear, yet so far away. The memory was one from this morning, but it felt like centuries had gone by since he last saw the blond boy. He remembered cleaning the canons with him, rags in one hand as they attempted to wipe off the grease that had accumulated. He remembered talking to him just before the Colossal Titan arrived. The boy was kind, concerned, and all too _unaware_. He, like everyone around him, believed that Eren was a short kid with a speech problem. There were no further explanations needed, and so everyone believed with a naivety Eren envied, that he was what he looked like.

Thomas was _concerned_. He stared at him with worry and fretted, even when Eren attempted to assure him that he was fine.

Eren wished he was still here. Alive and well.

It was a strange feeling. Even though he hadn't been the one who directly killed everyone... he felt like he was an indirect cause of it. Had he not been called... would they have survived? Had he not shown off his talent during training and gotten the top spot, would he still be called to assist the veterans?

Their lives had just begun. They just finished training and they were finally at the door to their new life when their lives ended. They should have lived a long life in bliss, happiness, and contentment. Instead, they were dead.

* * *

The night was long. The skies were dark, pitch-black save for the specks of stars that could barely be spotted. There was a huge stage in the middle of the field, and at the very center, stood the Commander of the Survey Corps; Erwin Smith. His back was straight, his gaze resolute as he stared at the open skies. He barely spared a glance at the jittery soldiers before him and instead remained still as steel with his hands clasped behind him. The torches lined on the wall of the stage created contrasting shadows on the commander's face and it made him look much fiercer than normal.

Opposite from him stood the soldiers. They were still, some looking restless, while others trembled in their place. The area was deathly silent, save for the crackling of the fire. No one spoke as fear coursed through many of their bodies, their anxiety peaking to a new level as they waited for the commander to begin. Sweat cascaded down the soldiers' foreheads, some due to the heat, but others due to their heightening anxiety. The pale, clammy pallor was common among them, as many stared forebodingly at the ground with a frozen expression that only worsened as time went on.

Eren, on the other hand, stood with an unaffected look on his face. His stance, though stiff, was rather relaxed compared to the tense soldiers that broke out in sweat out of sheer fear. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he wasn't a young man like the others, but an old monster in a never-aging child's body. He couldn't die due to his impeccable regeneration, and he didn't fear pain as he was apathetic to it. The sight of a Titan lumbering with a lax expression didn't instill fear in him, because technically, he _was_ a Titan and he lived among them for many years.

At first glance, the sight of a Titan was scary. They looked hungry and their deformed faces gave a sense of _something_ that never failed to inspire fear. However, for him, his first time catching a glimpse of one was when he had finally escaped from his _nightmare_. There he sat underneath the sun, basking in the warmth as a starved person would do to food. At first, he was rather surprised at the sight of a Titan as their badly proportioned body looked nothing like his, but other than the initial curiosity that was sparked, he welcomed them with open arms. Yes, he was angry at them, yes, he was frustrated with how they greedily consumed humans, but he wasn't scared.

No... he didn't like Titans because one ate his mother... but the one who opened the walls... the one who let them in... was a human.

Bertolt and Reiner didn't smell like a fully-fledged Titan, but someone in the middle—one that leaned more towards _human._ Their smell was distinct, similar to Ymir and Annie's, but he didn't pay much mind to either of the girls because neither seemed to be in cahoots with the two boys. Truly, there was no way of knowing unless they showed themselves, but Eren was willing to risk it.

He looked back at the Commander of the Survey Corps who remained the same way. Still, he was surprised. The whole time he spoke to the taller man, he expected him to be some sort of soldier. An _average_ soldier from the Survey Corps, not... the commander.

Eren watched with an enraptured expression as Erwin opened his mouth. His large eyebrows narrowed as his gaze lowered to stare at the soldiers.

"I am Erwin Smith; Commander of the Survey Corps," he began with a strong voice. "Today, you will be choosing a military branch, and I am here to persuade you to join the Survey Corps." He paused to look around, then continued, "During the recent breach, you have experienced how terrifying Titans can be and learned how limited your power is."

The other soldiers moved restlessly. They twitched and looked away, unwilling to remember the most recent attack. Many of them lost their friends, comrades, and people whom they lived with for many years. It was then that they realized... _who were they?_ The bed that was once cluttered with items and inhabited by a person was empty, and only then did they wonder... _what was here?_ There was a sense of emptiness, yet, no matter how much they racked their brains for the scenery of the past, nothing came up. Nothing was left. Only the vaguest feeling and the barest wonder of what used to be there.

"However." The soldiers jumped. "The attack also brought humanity closer to victory than it has ever been..."

Eren stared at the commander as he spoke with confidence. He felt a niggling feeling of jealousy, envy, at the sheer silkiness and ease the man seemed to have with speech. There were no mistakes, no stumbles, all clear, concise, and easy to understand. There were no sugar-coated words or underhanded words thrown to persuade the soldiers to join, but only the truth.

People will die, and he expected many of them to meet their demise in the next upcoming expedition. Many never make it back to the wall after leaving, and he expected the same. Erwin said nothing but facts, all truths, though it was a sad one. He could see people's resolve wavering, their fear becoming too much. They were scared of pain, the death, and the Titans that awaited them, and he could tell that many would choose to not join.

Erwin continued, "Knowing these discouraging facts, any willing to risk their lives should remain here. Ask yourself; are you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity?"

The deathly silent audience suddenly began to mutter softly. Many of the soldiers' seemed to be determined. Their bodies moved backward, away from the stage, and their eyes were obvious. No. They didn't want to die.

Eren didn't blame them, no matter how selfish and stupid their reasons may sound. He couldn't understand—he would never understand the feeling of a mortal being. Their bodies were fragile, easily crushed underneath a Titan's hand, and they were unable to take anything extreme. It was understandable, especially to those who had just begun their life as a soldier and a fully-fledged adult.

"That is all," Erwin stated. "Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed."

By the end of his speech, many soldiers had walked away. Some who remained, still trembled, looking to each other for comfort. Then, with their fists tightly clenched, they too, walked away without turning back. Among them were Annie and Samuel. They walked away without hesitation, even as their friends still stood, looking towards them in surprise. Like a switch had been turned, many, if not all of the soldiers suddenly turned around, shuffling their feet as they turned away.

When the sounds subsided, barely any of them were left. The once packed space was open and everyone was lengths apart from each other. Certain areas were completely empty and were opposite from how it had been just moments ago.

Erwin looked towards them with an indifferent expression. He asked, "If you were ordered to die, would you willingly throw your lives away?"

No one said anything.

"I see." The corner of his lips curled into the barest hint of a smile. The smile quickly dissipated as if it was never there, however, as the expression was replaced with determination. "You are now a soldier of the Survey Corps."

Everyone swallowed, anxious for what was coming next.

Erwin, on the other hand, simply put his fist on his heart, and without a hint of hesitation, he ordered, "Offer your heart!"

* * *

They were officially members of the Survey Corps... they were _real_ soldiers. It almost felt unreal, like a hallucination that he would wake up from. But this was reality. His dream of being part of the military, in the Survey Corps, wearing the wings of freedom... finally came true. He stared at his green cape in childish wonder. His green eyes glowed in delight as he spun around, his head tilted to the side to see the emblem flowing behind him.

The corners of Erwin's lips curved upwards when he caught sight of the familiar brunet. Unlike others, who tensely stood and wore their cape with fear, Eren spun around in jubilation. He grinned, a healthy pink dusting over his childlike features as he continued to move around excitedly.

"Welcome to the Survey Corps," greeted Erwin with an uncharacteristically soft smile gracing his stern features.

Eren grinned joyfully. He nodded fervently. "I am very happy to be here!" He exclaimed.

Despite letting out a soft chuckle, Erwin's expression quickly morphed into one of seriousness. His lips were pursed, his eyebrows furrowed, and his steely blue eyes stared gravely at the shorter boy. "You were very excited to join the Survey Corps before graduating."

Green eyes met blue.

"Were you deterred by the reality of the world?" He asked.

There was a pause. Then, "No," he answered thoughtfully. "I... I always know—knew—that the world is a cruel place. I am sad because my friends died but my feelings have not changed."

Erwin stared at the shorter boy for a while. His expression was indiscernible, but something flashed through his eyes at the answer. He watched as Eren stood confidently, unfaltering in the slightest as he answered with fearlessness. Then, the warm smile returned.

"Intuitive as always," he said earnestly. "Your mature perception of the world never fails to amaze me." He smiled. "How about I put you with Hange? Or maybe Levi..."

Eren perked up at the name. "The Little One?"

"The..." Erwin choked. Clearing his throat he said, "I don't think Levi would be very pleased with the nickname. Perhaps, Squad Leader or Corporal may be the best... after all, you are also rather... little."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Erwin is... OOC? Maybe?  
> *He suspects, but don't ask me how! He just... does?
> 
> Will Eren ever stop calling Levi "the Little One"? Keep reading to find out!


	7. he tells his story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin talks to Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of like a filler chapter... but it's really not. While there are no large pieces of information in this chapter, it explores Eren's thoughts at a deeper level. 
> 
> The next chapter will be similar. No huge steps for the plot, but, like this chapter, is very important for the future events that are to come.
> 
> I got several comments asking about the connection between Ymir and Eren, and yes. I have it planned. Unfortunately, we'll only be getting slivers of seemingly random pieces of a puzzle for the time being. It will be revealed though, so no worries!
> 
> Please enjoy!

The sight of the shortest male soldier and the Commander of the Survey Corps walking side by side was truly something to behold. Erwin Smith was known to be a strict man with a strict face. His eyebrows held weight and his words oozed with power. However, in the presence of the shortest and most talented new recruit, he looked nothing like the demanding Commander everyone knew him as. Instead, he looked more like... an uncle. The two would talk about idle things; today's training regiment, the state of the horses, amongst other topics, and the image of the two talking never failed to make the other soldiers shocked.

Their commander, the strong, otherworldly commander... talking about mundane things? Impossible. Yet, the truth was right before them.

For the other cadets who recently joined the Survey Corps, they were too used to Eren's weird quirks to even be surprised. Most of them barely batted an eye towards the two comical-looking figures, and when they did, it was with a sigh and, "He's doing it again?" Truly, Eren doing everything they never expected him to do was nothing surprising, especially after spending four years with the short boy. To them, everything had already happened, and nothing could shock them.

As for Eren himself, he didn't think much of his so-called 'weird' quirks. He thought he was normal, or normal for an old man in a child's body who can turn into a Titan. Unlike the other cadets who cowered under Levi's glare, he grinned, delightfully following the taller man's orders. From cleaning to brewing tea, he easily adapted to the other man's tastes, making the other curl their lips in jubilation... but that was probably due to Eren's height.

When Eren joined the Survey Corps, he was immediately taken by Levi, who refused to even allow Hange to touch a single hair of his. He possessively kept the other brunet at his side and always took him to his meetings. His expressions were relaxed when he was near Eren, and due to the sudden... _claiming_ , rumors went wild. Some spoke of Eren and Levi training to become the two strongest, others spoke of a taboo relationship. However, the most plausible, and most hilarious explanation was... that Levi enjoyed Eren's height. Or the lack of one.

Eren was short, incredibly so. If Levi and Erwin standing together were hilarious, then Erwin and Eren standing together were even more priceless. Despite Levi’s talent and his title as 'Humanity's Strongest', people who met him in real life always commented on his height. He was short, shorter than they expected. So with Eren, a talented soldier who had the ability to go straight into Levi Squad, Levi himself wasted no time in getting Eren to his side, just to revel in the moment of being taller than someone. And Eren didn't mind. He simply hummed, happy that he was with Levi... not that anyone else knew. No one understood why Eren stayed content. Because Levi was a hero he worshipped? Probably.

"Corporal!" Eren saluted. He held up a tray of tea. "I brew—brewed some tea for you!"

Levi nodded. "Stand by me," he ordered, gesturing towards the brunet to come closer. He sighed in bliss when Eren stood beside him, almost a head shorter than his own height.

"Levi, don't bully the new soldiers," chided Erwin.

"I'm not." Levi turned away and silently sipped his tea.

Erwin directed a flat stare towards the other man, his expression showing how obviously bemused he was. He then turned to Eren, where he morphed his face into something more pleasant. "Come sit," he beckoned over, waving his hand at the open seat beside him.

"Thank you, Commander!" Eren thanked, oblivious to Levi's sour expression.

"Great," he murmured uncharacteristically petulantly. "The tea tastes as it had before."

Erwin leveled a victorious stare towards the other man. "The taste of defeat?"

The other members of the Levi Squad stared unsurely at the two who continued to bicker as if no one else was in the room. Petra sweatdropped, thinking of a way to balance the conversation, while Oluo bit his handkerchief in blatant envy. He glared at Eren, though half-heartedly. There was no heat in his gaze, just jealousy.

Hange laughed at Eren, who sat stiffly beside Erwin. His expression was nervous, and the anxiousness on his face got worse as Erwin and Levi continued to bicker with even more venom. He didn't pay much attention to what they were saying, but from the tone... he didn't want to know. Shuddering, he glanced nervously towards Hange.

The other Squad Leader said nothing, much to Eren's despair. She was much more content with watching the two like one would watch a theater. Her mouth was set in a permanent grin and her body shook with barely contained laughter. Beside him, Moblit hovered over worryingly.

 _'Squad-Leader Hange, please stop laughing!'_ he cried internally as Hange burst out in tears and laughter.

* * *

Armin stood in the middle of the desolate hallway. His feet were planted firmly on the ground as he stared nervously at the closed door. He could hear muffled conversations from the other side, but not well enough to decipher what they were saying. With his face steeled in determination, he waited for the meeting to end.

There were so many questions at the tip of his tongue. It took over his mind, clogging his throat at the worst moment. And to appease the raging anxiety in his heart, he sought after his friend, however, not everything was easy. Every time he found _the_ moment, whether it be in the hallways or during mealtimes, his conversation would always get interrupted and Eren would be dragged away. Eren, who could only stare helplessly at Armin, limply allowed his superiors to take him away, no matter how much he wanted to talk to him.

This time... _This time_ , Armin wouldn't get interrupted. He wouldn't let anyone interrupt him. He would talk and get rid of whatever feeling that hung deep in his stomach, and no one could stop him. That was his thought... reality on the other hand...

When the door opened and the sounds of chattering increased by tenfold, Armin straightened. He gave the commander a proper salute and peered into the room, searching for Eren. His eyes lit up when he spotted the brunet, who stood awkwardly besides Hange. The squad leader spoke with her whole body, moving and making several motions in the span of minutes.

Eren moved an inch back, overwhelmed. As he turned his head away from the enthusiastic scientist, his eyes spotted someone.

 _'Armin!'_ He cried internally in joy.

"Squad Leader Hange!" Eren interrupted. "Can I... Can I talk to my friend?" He pointed at the figure by the doorway.

Hange paused in her wild movements. "Oh?" She grinned, nodding understandingly. "Of course! Come visit me soon!"

Eren thanked her. He turned around and walked towards the doorway with a grin on his face. "Armin!" He greeted, smiling brightly. He watched as Armin fidgeted, his expression morphing from uncertainty to resolution, and the curve to his lips was soon dropped, replaced by a frown. "Armin," he said seriously. "Are you okay?"

"Ah," Armin sighed. "I need to talk to you... about... _that._ "

"That?"

" _That_ ," Armin emphasized. His eyes darted from Hange and Moblit to Eren nervously. He added, " _That day_."

Understanding flashed through Eren's eyes. Without saying anything, he led the taller boy through the halls and into an empty room. 

The room looked to be abandoned with nothing but boxes lying around, but it was definitely cleaned—no doubt courtesy of Levi and his squad. There was not a single bit of dust in the room, but there was a distinct stench of staleness.

Armin turned back to Eren. " _That day_ ," he began, swallowing heavily. "You were that Titan, weren't you?"

"You saw?" Eren blinked.

"Ah—no," responded Armin. "The soldiers were yelling about a Titan who sealed the breach... that was because of me, wasn't it? I was talking about the hole and when I mentioned the boulder, you suddenly started acting weird." He fiddled with the hems of his jacket. His breath quickened the longer he spoke. "And-and you told me to retreat with Mikasa—and—and then you told me that you could seal the breach..."

Eren shrugged. "I don't know," he said earnestly. "I just... I just remember something when you talk about Wall Sina."

"Eren."

"And... and I wanted to help."

"Eren, you once told me that you lived outside the walls. Were you a Titan, then?"

Eren bit his lip. Slowly, he nodded.

"And... and when you spoke about Corporal Levi, that was because you saw them, right?"

Another nod, but this time, it was less hesitant.

"Eren... Eren, you're Eren, right?" Armin asked weakly. "It doesn't have to be Eren Yeager, but you're Eren, right? Right?"

"I do not know," answered Eren truthfully. "I do not remember... but I am the Eren you know. I am the Eren who wanted to be your friend."

Armin let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. He sniffled, blinked out the wetness in his eyes as he stared at his friend. _He_ was Eren. The same, one, and only Eren. Then...

"Can you tell me? Of your life... before?"

Eren swallowed. He thought back to his past, the life before the walls, and the pain that came with it. _Was he ready_? Truthfully speaking, no, he wasn't. The past was something he had come to accept. It was the past, something that was already done. But telling someone, no matter how close, was something he couldn't find himself doing—at least right now. Just the thought of revealing everything pained him. It felt like opening an old wound. It didn't hurt at all, but when he touches it... it hurts. It hurts, and if he continues to fiddle around with it, it'll eventually open. And this time, it'll take longer to heal.

Coming to terms with his past was easy. He barely remembered it, but it was definitely there. Every scar, every tear into his soul... it was there, and he knew that. But he would prefer to keep it to himself than speak of it to someone.

After all, if bottling it up kept him with a company, then he would gladly do so. 

_'What if he hates me?'_ he wondered.

What if Armin begins to hate him after telling him of his past? What if he decided that, oh, it was a bad idea to stay with him after all? What... what if Mikasa agreed with Armin and abandoned him?

The thought of being alone again scared him. He acted all strong and mighty, and he acted happy that he was _free_... but he was lonely. No matter how old his soul may be, no matter how wise the words he says are, he was still a lonely child who could do nothing but watch as his family was killed. Even if he didn't remember it, his soul had the imprints, and the loneliness that he could do nothing but resign himself to scared him now. He had a family, even if it became small... he still had one. And he didn't want to lose it.

But... he could say some things... like...

"I used to live near a forest."

His family was content with living far from civilization... if any existed. They never visited any families or any settlements, so he was unsure, but he never asked. Living in a small, quaint house that was the epitome of _homey-ness_ , he spent much of his life in the familiar structure. It was neither large nor gaudy, but just right; cozy and familiar. There was a shed not far from their house, near the edge of the clearing, right by the forest. It was small, horribly made, but it did the job. Inside the shed lied two white cows and three pigs.

The two white cows were old, much older than him. They were calm, wise, and were always surprised at the antics he mustered up as a child. The three pigs on the other hand... He didn't remember their color, but they were certainly rowdy. Always playing, always chasing, despite the common thought that pigs were lazy, they were rather smart and very energetic. All of the animals were kind and never acted volatile

He had no siblings he could remember... Perhaps he did not have any at all, but he was certain that he had a mom and a dad. His mother was truly brilliant. Her cooking was great, and even though he could never remember the taste, he never failed to recall the words his father always said in an affectionate tone. Delicious. The food was splendid, always deserving of praise, but her skills weren't limited in the kitchen.

His mother had a brilliant hand in making clothes. They were beautiful, well-sewn, and always had little embroideries with symbolic meanings. She also had the ability to get any stains out of his father's clothes. Every time his father returned after a long day's work with blotches of stains on his clothes, his mother would purse her lips and take them away. By the time they were returned, cleaned, and dried, it was as if the stain was never there.

His father was... something. He sometimes returned with animals, sometimes fishes. His work was messy, and more often than not did he return with tiredness in his eyes. He was always up for spending time with the family, however. Either dancing with his mother in his arms while humming an old tune or playing with him whenever he had any toys out.

An ordinary day in the house would begin like this: he would wake up, well-rested, and summoned by the smell of food from the other house. He would wave his father out and eat his breakfast. During the day, he would help his mother out... or at least in areas where he could help. He assisted her in cleaning the house and picking the crops. Sometimes, he would watch her mend his father's clothes, hoping that one day, he'll be able to do the intricate stitches like her. Her hands were steady, swift, and beautiful all the more, nothing like his clumsy hands that shook. He would also visit the animals, content with playing, or at least what he thought as playing, with them.

When the sun began to set, the skies stained with a beautiful reddish hue, he would trek back to his house. There, his mother was. In the kitchen, as she made supper. His father, who had returned a while ago, sat by the table and greeted him back warmly. Their supper was humble, but it was no less delicious. The dishes were freshly cooked, and they warmed his body as the evening chill arrived. By the time they finished, not a single crumb would be left. The once-filled plates were empty, clean of any food.

Nighttime was dark, darker than the night in the walls. There was nothing but stars that illuminated the skies, save for the occasional moon. His parents would tuck him into bed, kissing his forehead tenderly before blowing out the lights. With a full stomach and a warm body, he would close his eyes and bid his parents goodnight.

As he spoke, he wisely avoided mentioning the tree. The apple tree where he gained the power of the Titans. He never mentioned ever wandering in the forest, and instead talked about helping around the house and playing with the animals by the shed. He also never spoke about the bandits, acting as if his family had died under natural causes. That was a lie, however, and Eren himself knew that. His family was killed by strange bandits, right before his eyes, just on the day where he returned home a little later than usual. Armin never mentioned the rewording of his sentence he often performed, content with simply listening.

Throughout the whole story, Armin listened intently. He stared dazedly out the window with a warm expression as he sat in a relaxed pose. He remained silent, opting to listen, regardless of his horrible speech. Eren wasn't very good at storytelling and he stumbled over his words several times, and yet, Armin only smiled. As he spoke, he continued to wrack his brain for the best word to describe his past. Sometimes, he paused, hoping that the _perfect_ word would surface, but unfortunately, the word never did appear. It left him unsatisfied as the word seemed so close, yet so far at the same time. However, he continued speaking, from his family to the animals, and from the start of the day to the end. 

"Wow... that sounds wonderful _,_ " said Armin softly. He turned to Eren, "Thank you. For telling me this."

Eren grunted. He wanted to say so much more, _so much_... but the words never reached his tongue. It was as if they were scared, unwilling to leave the safety of his mouth. The words remained in his throat, never to be said, and it interfered with everything else he wanted to convey.

He wanted to tell Armin that one day, _one day_ , he would tell the rest of the story. After all, this was only the beginning. And the next time, he wanted Mikasa to also be there. He wanted her to listen, just like Armin, as he emptied the contents of his heart that he kept to himself for all these years. _'Thank you'_ was also there, wanting to be said, yet so hesitant to be voiced. He wanted to thank them for being such good friends, even at the darkest moments, and he wanted to show gratitude for staying with him despite all the other candidates who were better suited to be their friends than him.

In the end, all he managed to croak out was, "Next time."

_Next time, I'll tell you more. Next time, let's bring Mikasa. Next time... I'll make sure I can say everything. Everything._

He thought of the dark forest, where he killed his first person.

_I’ll tell you..._

He thought of the fire that he caused, after all the pain he inflicted.

_Even the darkest part of my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's behavior is really confusing, I know, but to me, it makes sense. He's scared, so scared, that he's content with staying in his little ball of safety. But at the same time, just not content. He wants to explore and see the world. However, even though he has the determination, it doesn't always mean that he'll actually _do_ it when the time comes, if you know what I'm saying. He wants to tell Armin and Mikasa of his past so badly. He wants to tell Levi that he's that Titan. He has the determination, but it's always wavering. What if? What if? 'What if they leave me in disgust?' and with that alone, Eren decides that yeah, he won't tell anyone.


	8. he is strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spar between Eren and Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAA I'M SO SORRY!!! My computer's been malfunctioning so I published the same. Exact. Chapter THREE times *sobs pathetically on the ground*.
> 
> I absolutely cannot write action scenes. Period. Nothing else.
> 
> The next chapter will take a while! School started, and I entered a bit of a writer's block, so... if I'm lucky, I'll be able to post next week as usual, but... it could take more.

It was dark here. 

It was so cold…

He couldn’t tell if his eyes were open or not. The darkness was suffocating, and the sheer inscrutability created a sense of unease deep in his gut. However, his senses were dull, his limbs numbed to the bone. Every movement sent staggering jolts of pain throughout his entire body, and after every attempt to do _something_ , he always slumped over, exhausted. Now, he didn’t even bother. He was tired of the constant feeling of aching muscles, and with the tiniest muscle movement draining his energy, he hadn’t tried to move in a long time. If his eyes were open, they were probably half-lidded, barely seeing the darkness before him. If they were closed… well, then they were closed, and he was probably asleep.

Asleep or not, the feeling of freezing water chilling deep into his bones didn’t lessen in the slightest. The sensation was unfamiliar, as he had long since gotten used to it, but it also wasn’t pleasant. Had he had a choice of getting out, he probably would have taken it, but he didn’t. He didn’t have a choice because he was waiting.

For what?

He didn’t know. But he was waiting for _something_ … and he’ll stay in this freezing darkness until whatever he’s waiting for arrives. 

It wasn’t that he _didn’t_ want to know what he was waiting for. It was that he _couldn’t_ know. Every time he tried to recall the little bits of memories, ones that laid in his mind, withering and slowly eroding into nothing, his head hurt. His brain began to ache, and his vision flickered to show him a brief glimpse of _before_. 

_Before_ was red. 

Was it blood? Or was it something else? 

The dark red fluid seeped out of something on the ground, hidden by the shadows. It oozed and created a massive puddle, but he could never see _what_ it was percolating out of. He didn’t know, but he knew it hurt. Every time the image of the red fluid surfaced, his chest throbbed in pain. It wasn’t the pain of a stabbing wound or anything of that sort, no. He preferred those than this type of pain. How did he know? He didn’t… or he didn’t think so.

But this _red_ wasn’t the only red that flashed before his eyes. There was also an apple; so red, yet so dull compared to the liquid. It fell from his lax grip and rolled on the ground, eventually landing right beside the lump on the ground. When the apple plummeted, the gleaming object also moved. It turned his way, glinting brightly off the moonlight. It was silver, yet the tip was soaked in red… the very same red that oozed on the ground.

Distantly, he wondered why there was so much red around him. He always assumed that the flashes of memories would end there. End with the redness. But it continued.

He could feel his legs ache. He could feel the pain in his body.

The pain was both physical and mental; one hurting him physically while the other sent his heart throbbing. It was as if someone held his heart in a vice grip, clutching it tightly before tearing it into shreds. He didn’t like it… no…

He _hated_ it.

He didn’t want to be hurt, he didn’t like the pain.

When the flashes of _before_ ended, he was always tired. The whole ordeal drained his entire being, from the aching in his chest to the red that _he didn’t like._ That’s why he never thought about _before_. It was like a fragile scar. With a sudden movement, the old wound would open again, dripping blood everywhere. And like a scar, the memories always hurt whenever the sudden barrage of _before_ came without a single warning.

It hurts.

His chest hurts, it throbs, and it weeps.

He stopped thinking about _before_ because of the pain. In the past, he tried, stubbornly attempting to release the lock caging his memories… but then the scar opened. When it ripped open, it hurt even more than before. The pain didn’t stop, the ache never lessened, and he learned one important lesson.

 _‘Don’t fight back. Fighting back_ hurts _.’_

Of course, he wanted to get out. He wanted to see what he didn’t remember. He wanted to feel the phantom sensations of warmth caressing his body as it had done in a distant past… but he was waiting. Waiting for something, someone, he didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure anymore. His mind was hazy, the coldness not only numbing his body but his mind, and it created a sense of dullness. It made him simple, it made him forget… it made him unsure.

He wanted to get out, right?

But he was also scared.

He wanted to get out of the cold to experience the warmth like before.

But wasn’t _before_ painful? And wasn’t he waiting for someone?

Strange, isn’t it?

For all his dreams to get out, to bask in the warmth, he also didn’t want to get out. He was waiting. He was also unsure. He feared getting out, because leaving meant abandoning the one place he knew by heart. Even if it was unpleasant, even if it was cold… he knew that this place didn’t hurt him like _before_ had done. 

So he stayed in his little space. Who knew if the outside had changed? Who knew? He certainly didn’t… and he was scared of knowing… so he remained, unwilling to do anything but close his eyes and succumb to slumber.

… until he was rudely awakened.

He knew then that he was opening his eyes. It fluttered and twitched like it would after sleeping for a long time. He resisted the urge to rub them and instead, listened to the sounds outside. The noise was familiar, and not in a good way. It caused him to tremble and shake in fear.

He desperately tried to keep his eyes open, afraid that if he closed them, _something bad would happen_ … but it wasn’t easy. Every tremor drained his energy, every hastened heartbeat made him tired, but he was scared. The voices sounded like _them_. Were they here for him? Or—no.

 _He wasn’t going to think about_ before.

Clutching his consciousness like a lifeline, he watched with half-lidded eyes as the darkness cracked.

He didn’t understand it either, but he somehow knew. _‘It’s here,’_ he thought.

Light seeped through the little cracks, growing bigger and bigger before an area of darkness completely shattered. He basked in the slight warmth he felt, feeling more energized than he had felt in such a long time. 

He watched with a much-focused gaze as something—or someone—neared. His sight was blurry and he could make out nothing but blobs, but he was certain that it was a _someone_. It came towards him in a hurry, growing larger and larger with every moment.

This was what he was waiting for, right?

Someone like him… someone with the yelling, the falling… someone that was alone. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a companion? After being alone for such a long time… the thought of someone being with him in this cruel world created sparks of _hope_ in his heart.

“You’ll be my friend, right?” He rasped out quietly. Air bubbles drafted before his eyes as he spoke but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. His focus was on the figure, and the figure alone.

The figure was like him.

The figure was lonely, running, and probably wanted a companion too. So did he. He also wanted a companion that wouldn’t leave him in this cruel world.

“I’ll give you myself… so just stay with me, all right?”

Something glowed, something cracked, but he stayed fixated on the figure that grew clearer and clearer until—

Eren woke up with a start.

* * *

The ordinary cleaning routine of Levi Squad wasn’t too unfamiliar, and its methodical way of tackling each and every corner of the room was very similar to how his father sanitized the rooms. No leniency, just cleaning, until the whole area was _spotless._ The very first step was to set who’s going to clean which room with a single room being cleaned by one squad member. Sometimes, if there were more rooms than people, each member would take up two or more to swiftly and efficiently clean. Then, when the rooms were swept and wiped, Levi would arrive. He would check each corner with a keen eye and stare at every speckle of dust with a disdainful expression. Oftentimes, he would order them to clean the room again.

But Eren had never been told to re-clean the rooms he worked on. It certainly wasn’t a bad thing! Every time Levi arrived, he would stare at the room with approval in his eyes before leaving to check the others. As time went by, he even stopped checking his work! For others, it was a good thing. After all, the most clean-freak soldier trusted him to clean the room spotless. However, Eren secretly liked it when Levi came. Not in a romantic sense, though! Ever since the meeting where Erwin and Levi bickered back and forth until they were spewing poison ended, the other man had stopped ordering him to make him tea. Was it bad? Did the taste change? Or did he tire of the tea? Eren didn’t know, but he was rather put off. 

He genuinely liked it when Levi was next to him, so he was a bit sad. It had been his dream, after all; to one day fly in the air like him. He wanted to glide gracefully like the man had done when he first caught sight of him. He wanted to be like the birds that floated effortlessly in the sky… and maybe be with him. They were always just... _dreams_. Nothing but a wistful thought, but not anymore! He was a member of the Survey Corps and part of Levi Squad! At last, his dream of fighting Titans alongside the Little One came—or would come—true!

Eren made another sweeping motion with his broom. He stared aimlessly at the ceiling, deep in thought, and certainly not concentrated on his task. He thought of the promise he made with Armin not long ago. It was a promise to speak of his past—all of it—and with Mikasa. Part of him wanted to skirt off the topic and keep in the corner to gather dust, but he knew that Armin was waiting. Of course, he doubted that Armin would leave him… but he was scared that he would slowly become distant. 

“...ren, Eren, can you hear me, Eren?”

A hand gently grabbed his shoulder, snapping him out of his stupor. Eren blinked and slightly jolted at the sudden contact. “Mn?”

Petra stared concernedly at him. She put one hand on his forehead and the other on her own. Her brows knitted as she hummed quietly.

“You’re a bit warm,” she commented. “Are you okay? I can tell Corporal Levi for you if you’re unwell.”

Eren shook his head. He smiled awkwardly. “U-uh, I have a high temperature,” he said lamely.

“But are you unwell?”

Again, he shook his head. “Sorry, I was lost in thought,” he apologized. He looked down at the still broom in his hands before turning back to Petra to give her an assuring smile. “I am okay.”

Still, Petra looked at him dubiously. She didn’t say anything else about his wellness, but she obviously didn’t believe him, even if he said nothing but the truth. “Corporal Levi wants to check your abilities, so I was sent to fetch you.” 

“The-Corporal Levi?”

His strange miswording didn’t go unnoticed by her. With a strange look aimed towards him, she nodded. “He’s waiting in the courtyard.”

“Thank you!” Eren thanked before breaking out in a run. He quietly stepped through the halls swiftly and easily reached the courtyard, where he spotted Levi standing at the very center.

The man stood with his hands on his hips, and he leaned on one leg. However, he didn’t seem to be annoyed. Rather, there was an air of anticipation surrounding him as he waited. His eyes lit up in recognition when he spotted Eren running towards him and he nodded at Erwin.

“Corporal Levi!” Eren greeted cheerfully.

Levi only nodded. “You’re finally here,” he commented idly, straightening as he spoke. “I’ve been told that you’re rather talented. Show me.”

And with no other warning, Levi surged forward. His fists were clenched and as he moved, they tightened, as if he was preparing to punch him. Eren thought so, at least until he spotted Levi’s leg flying towards the back of his knee, intent on buckling him down. Had he been a normal human, he would have flung to the ground, unable to move in time. However, he managed. He jumped upwards right when Levi’s legs should have collided, surprising the other man, and swiftly spun to kick him. While Levi managed to block it, he still moved backward. He was utterly unprepared for the sheer force that was exerted in the blow.

Levi smirked in approval and dove down, aiming for another punch. The two continued sparring, both tackling each other head-on. Erwin stood at the side, not only acting as a referee but also observing. He watched, almost enraptured, at Eren’s fast movements. For his height, he had a surprising amount of power. Each blow was strong and the power in the next never lessened in the slightest. He didn’t seem to be tiring at all, but rather… he seemed to be getting _stronger_. There was a grin on the brunet’s face that was so carefree and happy yet feral and all too dangerous, but he couldn’t say much on the feral part. Even Levi, who was known to be stoic in fights, had his lips curved in an almost-smile with his eyes gleaming in the same way as his opponent.

The other soldiers watched in awe as the two traded blows after blows. The two’s movements were almost like a blur, and it was impossible to see where exactly their limbs were. In one moment, their arms could be flung backward, but in the next, they would be punching the other. The fight went on for a while and it only ended when Erwin finally raised his hand to the air.

“That’s enough,” said Erwin.

Levi roughly wiped the sweat off his forehead. He obviously didn’t want to agree with the other man, but he said nothing. Instead, he straightened and stared at Eren with approval. He said nothing, but the more he stared at Eren, the more the image overlapped with something… something entirely different.

The sight of Eren standing unaffected underneath the blistering sun reminded him of a scene he had once seen. Slowly, the image of the short brunet morphed into a well-toned figure with a peculiarly shaped ear. It had no cheek, showing all rows of teeth in a scarily feral manner, and its bright green eyes stared angrily at the steaming carcasses. Green eyes.

The same green eyes.

No, it couldn’t be. Levi shook his head. When he looked back at Eren, the image was back to normal. Brown hair that was tousled from the fight, green eyes that were almost amber in the sun, and not a single droplet of sweat to be seen on him. He distantly wondered why Erwin told him to call Eren over for a spar. It was all too suspicious, and the man was definitely planning something. He always was. 

He turned his neck to stare at Erwin, who watched the brunet as if he was a mystery that had yet to be solved. It looked as if Erwin had just collected the key pieces to a puzzle and was now going to retire to put the whole image together. He looked satisfied, if not a bit too smug.

“You really are worthy of your instructor’s praise,” Erwin warmly commented.

Levi watched as a soft pink dusted over Eren’s features as he broke out in a bright grin. He thanked Erwin delightfully, all too unaware of whatever the other man was planning.

“That was a good fight,” Levi decided to say.

If it was possible, Eren’s smile became wider. It looked a bit painful, for Levi’s liking, but he took it in stride. He’d seen worse, after all. He nodded at the brunet in dismissal and watched out of the corner of his eyes as the boy ran towards his friends. They crowded around him, all talking at the same time.

Levi turned back to Erwin. “What are you planning?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” Erwin stared back.

Frowning, Levi said, “You’re planning something. And it has something to do with why you ordered me to spar with a fifteen-year-old.”

Erwin smiled mirthlessly. 

He said, “ _If_ he truly is one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memory, or dream, is something I'm not sure if I like. I feel like I gave away too much, and it sort of went on a completely different path than I had planned for.
> 
> * we finally got a spar between Eren and Levi, but oh? Something is planned  
> * Erwin grasped something out of thin air LOL


	9. he is in water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I insist that I'm trash at action scenes, and yet I never seem to stop. Anyways, another chapter! My creative muse has _not_ been present in the last few weeks, so it'll take me a while to get more chapters out. School also resumed, and no matter what's happening out in the world, the teachers did not lessen the workload in the slightest. 
> 
> Erwin and Levi are in this chapter! For me, writing Erwin is really, and I mean really hard. I'd like him to have that funny dynamic between Eren and Levi without losing any of his shrewd and calculating qualities about him if you know what I mean. I absolutely love how smart Erwin is, but sometimes... it becomes a pain when your intelligence isn't enough to make a smart character sound... smart.

It wasn't long until Levi appeared again, demanding another fight with a slight curl to his lips. He was smiling—barely noticeable, but it was definitely there. His dark blue-grey eyes gleamed with anticipation and every step that he took seemed to have a little skip to them, as if... as if he was excited. This time, there would be no referee to stop them, and certainly this time, there would be no hesitation in their moves like the last time.

Eren, ever the dutiful soldier (who also wanted to indulge the Little One), obediently followed the taller man to the little courtyard behind the headquarters in a similar manner. During their little trek, several soldiers walked past them, and while some stepped, unperturbed by the sight of the two, others stopped. Most notably, the group of three soldiers, all unremarkable in looks, who paused for a brief moment in interest. However, before the curious soldiers could take a single step towards them, they were thrown off by the glare Levi threw.

In Eren's opinion, it looked like a grumpy cat. His eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes darkened, and his whole entire demeanor seemed to have chilled; however, nothing of it seemed to be scary. On the contrary, Levi's half-hearted glare that was often carelessly flung around newly-recruited soldiers was not scary at all. Of course, it could just be his title of 'Humanity's Strongest' scaring everyone away.

He watched with amusement as the soldiers scampered around, paling with every moment Levi's glare was directed towards them. The soldiers straightened, albeit shakily, and saluted in greeting before scurrying away in fear.

Levi huffed. He said, "Come," and gestured to follow him.

"Yes sir." Eren followed the taller man abjectly. He walked in careful, measured steps, just so that he would stay right behind the other man. As a result, while Levi's steps were rather nonchalant, being the epitome of  _ relaxed _ , his were... brisk.

The courtyard was, by all means,  _ empty. _ It was devoid of people, which was the opposite of how it was back when he sparred with Levi, which was only days ago. Back then, there were soldiers who milled around, almost...  _ everywhere. _ People walked through the halls, either walking nonchalantly or heading to a specific location in mind, and there were quite a few that were relaxing underneath the warm heat of the sun. Some laid atop the natural grass, peacefully snoozing, while others sat next to their friends and conversed about their day-to-day events.

At the sight of the empty courtyard, he was suddenly reminded of their spar, which would have continued had Erwin not interfered. With the absence of the commander who previously refereed for the two, they were free to spar to their hearts' desires. There would be no one to stop them, and certainly, with the emptiness of the area, a crowd wouldn't gather as it had done before.

He remembered how Levi moved; how he flowed gracefully just as he had done with his gear back then. It was almost like water, fluid, smooth, and silky, and yet, he could spot the signs of barely concealed animalistic ferocity within him. The other man's eyes shined with adrenaline, and with every move the two demonstrated, the initial hesitation melted away.

As Levi positioned himself, Eren felt the familiar rush of energy course through him. His eyes lit up, almost glowing, as amber specks appeared, and he distantly knew that he was grinning with his teeth. He spread his legs evenly and followed suit in positioning himself, unaware of the slight surprise that flashed through Levi's eyes. He was too occupied with his own enthusiasm that he missed the look on the other man's face. By the time he looked up with a grin, the indecipherable look on the other man's face had disappeared and was replaced with excitement.

"Ready?" asked Levi.

Eren nodded and raised his arm as a shield in tandem, just in time to block the other man's kick. The two shared a brief smirk before separating at the same time; however, it wasn't for long. After separating—with both Eren and Levi skidding across the grassy floor—the two shot towards each other with just as much speed as before. There was no surprise in their faces as they fought, almost as if they were completely used to each other's movements.

Levi's kicks had no ounce of hesitation in them, each blow looking strong enough to shatter a bone. And yet, Eren stood with a shit-eating grin that went from ear-to-ear, unaffected by the strength that was inserted with every kick. The two were obviously enjoying their spar, both loving the feeling of adrenaline that pumped through their veins.

It was a bit strange, though. Eren had never been particularly interested in athletic activities in the  _ past _ . Rather, he found enjoyment out of helping his mom and growing crops. After all, his lack of passion for exercising was what ultimately led to him rescuing the little half-dying apple tree. Of course, he had spent a long time in a cramped little cell, and an even longer amount of time in the cold darkness where he couldn't move. He also spent quite a while as a Titan who fought and roamed the forests.

There truly was no way of knowing when his little enjoyment out of exercises awakened, but it wasn't as if he gave much thought to it. It was really just a passing thought. In the past, his father was an athletic man who... who loved doing outdoor activities that involved using his muscles, and he could clearly recall himself refusing to follow, opting to stay with his mother at home rather than explore with his father.

Eren blinked, dodging another kick from Levi. He jumped up to avoid Levi's attempt at throwing him down and shuffled off to the side at the punch headed his way. He threw some of his own blows too; all of them narrowly missed the other man, at least, all of them except for the last one. Eren had folded his right leg and aimed for the other man's stomach, which was quickly intercepted by Levi's hand; however, at the force of it, he was pushed back against his will.

Levi grunted lowly, and pushed Eren's knee away, just as the brunet backed off. The two paused, surveying each other intently.

Their fight had gone much longer than before, and it was much,  _ much _ more intense than their previous one. Regardless, Eren looked unaffected as always. There was a slight bit of sweat forming on his forehead, but it was almost unnoticeable, just like his breath. He wasn't even out of breath, unlike Levi, who panted as his energy was drained. He was exhausted, he knew, but he wanted to continue.

However, before the two could continue their spar, a voice called out:

"Eren!"

"Eren!" Hange called out again, waving in his direction.

Levi clicked his tongue as Hange skidded to a stop with Moblit not far behind her.

"What?" snapped Levi, unhappy at being interrupted.

The smile on Hange's face was immediately wiped off and was replaced with seriousness. She barely glanced at Levi and turned to Eren. "Erwin's calling for you." She then (finally) turned to Levi. "He also requested your attendance."

Frowning, Levi wiped the sweat off of his forehead. "Fine. Did he say anything else?"

Hange shrugged. She then grinned, "He was talking about missing files. It shouldn't take too long, so you guys can continue with your little fight later!"

"Shitty glasses," Levi muttered underneath his breath.

"..." Eren stayed silent as Hange laughed delightfully.

"Such a familiar nickname!" snickered Hange.

Moblit tapped on Hange's shoulder, sighing tiredly as he tried to hush her, "Squad Leader..."

Hange grinned, “Erwin’s got plenty of time!” She dismissed with a casual wave of her hand. She then said, “I’ll escort you guys to his office!”

Well… that was the intention.

While leading the two—Levi and Eren—to Erwin's room as requested, her gaze paused on a familiar figure. She blinked for a moment, stopping midstep, before brightening in an instant. At the sight of the former commander, whom Eren used to call 'stupid' (not that many knew), Hange grinned and promptly began running towards him with Moblit following resignedly.

Moblit blinked, looking rather unsurprised at the Squad Leader's antics. He turned to Eren and Levi, sharing a silent conversation with the ebony-haired man, before running after Hange while yelling, "Squad Leader! Please be careful of your—"

But it was too late. Hange had already tripped on a rock and was face-planted on the ground by the time Moblit finished his sentence.

"—surroundings..."

Levi let out a noise akin to a snort at the fallen figure. "Shitty glasses," he muttered. He turned back away from Hange and to Eren, huffing. "Let's go."

* * *

"You're finally here. Take a seat," commented Erwin idly as he shuffled a stack of papers to the side. He barely spared a glance at the two and continued to work on filing his papers instead, earning the taller of the two's ire.

"We don't have unlimited free time,  _ unlike you _ ," griped Levi unhappily. He crossed his arms and glared almost petulantly at the blond man.

Erwin smirked; however, his gaze was still on his desk. "Levi," he began, "Are you sulking because your spar was interrupted?" He shifted his eyes upwards with a raised eyebrow, his smirk widening when he spotted the steadily darkening expression on Levi.

Levi said nothing, but his gaze remained fixed on the blond man. Then, after a period of silence, he said, "We aren't here to watch you organize your disgusting desk."

"Very astute," said Erwin as he put the last pile of paperwork on the side. He turned to look at Levi, then Eren, and noted the slight curious, and half-uncomfortable look on the brunet. Looking back down at his desk, he stared at the single file for a moment, before picking it up. "I brought you because of this file." He gestured towards the file in his hand. "It's rather... lacking, if I must say."

Eren stared at the thin file flatly, unmoving. Then, without a single tremor to his voice, he asked, "What areas, sir?"

While he looking very unaffected on the outside; his posture relaxed and face revealing nothing, he was shaking with fear on the inside. Of course, there was no reason to suspect him of...  _ anything _ , but he couldn't help it. Erwin was a very shrewd man, perceptive of even the smallest things, and of course, the man would sooner-or-later catch up on the little holes of his official documents... or what was left of them.

After the fall of Wall Maria, everyone was left with no proof of residency. All of their documents were gone, lost due to the sudden evacuation, and so many people were left with little to no official documents which made it even harder to earn a living in Wall Rose and Shina, which both enforced having proof of residency. This led to those without documents to be sent to the fields, forced to work with little to no wage at all.

Fortunately, Eren escaped this fate; however, a worse fate awaited him if anyone ever found out. His job was not legal, and their documents were faked, so if someone as keen as Erwin looked at them, he was sure to have noticed an anomaly.

"We do this with most soldiers who were from Wall Maria and Shiganshina," assured Erwin, but his hard expression didn't lessen in the slightest. On the contrary, his attempt at security alarmed Eren and did not serve to relax him at all.

"First," he began, "Your basic information. There seemed to be a slight mix-up with your birthday." He held up two pieces of paper. "Is it, March 30th, 835, or May 30th, 830?"

Eren blinked, momentarily perplexed. He leaned back in his seat, thinking; when was his birthday? Then, he remembered.

Armin had said that his birthday was in spring, and he vaguely remembered celebrating it a little before enlistment—which he clearly remembered. Enlistment was in mid-April, which meant...

"March, sir," he answered.

Erwin nodded and began scratching the dates into his file. He didn't say anything as he filled the form out. He then began to ask other mundane questions, such as his birthday and parents—all of which Eren could answer without a single sweat. And with every question asked, and every answer, the slight tenseness that had formed since the mention of his file melted away, leaving him relaxed in his seat.

Eren wanted to hit himself on the head, and maybe even scream on a pillow. Why did he suspect? Well... it  _ was  _ a legitimate concern, especially with how smart the commander seemed to be, but it also looked to be a little... exaggerated to act like how he had done. Of course, he would only be asked these simple questions! That's why he was called in the first place; because of the little areas that were missing in his file—

Oh.

Didn't that mean...

"Last question," said Erwin. "What field were you taken to after the fall?"

Eren tensed, blurting, "What?"

Beside him, he could tell that Levi had straightened, suddenly observant of his actions.

"What field were you taken to?" repeated Erwin.

"I..." Eren paused for a moment, before answering with as much truthfulness as possible, "I did not go to the fields because a relative took us in."

_ Please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask... _

"I see," was all Erwin said.

Eren blinked. “Is that all?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Erwin smiled warmly, nodding. He then looked around, his smile falling as he said, “Speaking of which, I thought I requested for Hange to be present.” He gestured vaguely towards the room.

Hange… Eren remembered the Squad Leader running after the Instructor, looking all too much like a puppy running after its owner to not be compared as one. Poor Moblit, he thought with pity, remembering the numerous times the sandy-haired soldier was flung around like a rag-doll.

Levi let out a poorly concealed snort, clearly thinking of the same thing. “She went after Shadis like a dog,” he explained.

“...”

Not much after, Eren had excused himself, leaving Levi and Erwin inside the office. The brunet left with a slight grin on his face as he saluted respectfully towards the two, and when he got out of the office, he didn’t forget to close the door quietly behind him, leaving Erwin to smile.

“Very well-raised,” he commented softly.

Levi nodded with a quirk to his lips, but when he turned to Erwin, however, the little softness that was on his face had ebbed away, leaving nothing but a sharpness in its wake. He asked, “And? Why did you  _ personally _ fill out his file? You could’ve sent Hange.”

Smiling thinly, Erwin asked, “Would you believe me if I said that I wanted to spend time with him?”

“Yes,” Levi rolled his eyes. “You act like a proud mother that hates everyone but her own child.”

Erwin let out a laugh, “I could say the same to you.” He cocked an eyebrow suggestively. “Clinging the thighs of the new-shortest Survey Corps member just to relish being taller than someone.”

“He’s a new soldier in my squad,” Levi sniffed.

“That you forcefully put in your squad, if I might add.”

“He has talent," protested Levi.

“Ah… yes…  _ talent _ .” The lighthearted tone in his voice changed into something more... serious as Erwin clasped his hands together. “Tell me, Levi; do you suspect anything to be amiss with our resident… talented soldier? Looks, quirks, maybe… something else?”

Levi knew what he was talking about; however, he only looked away and said, “I don’t know.”

Erwin smiled mirthlessly. “Of course you know, because you saw it, didn’t you? A stark similarity between our talented cadet and our mysterious Titan.”

“Erwin—”

But Erwin wasn’t finished. “And a strange overlap with his techniques and the Trost Slasher’s. Coincidentally, he seemed to have resided in the same area as where the killer struck, and with his enlistment, the killings have gone down to not little, but _none_. Tell me, Levi, what do you think?

“What do you think about this ‘Eren Yeager’?”

* * *

Perhaps his talk with Erwin triggered this dream; he didn't know, but if there was one thing that he could say with absolute certainty, it was that  _ he had never had this dream before _ . Other dreams—memories, actually—were of his time with his family. They were happy ones that left a pang of loneliness in his heart every time he woke up, because  _ 'oh... it wasn't real...' _ . Every morning, he would wake up, thinking that his mother would be in the other room cooking breakfast as his father sat... but then he would remember; they were dead.

On those days, he would wake up with dried tears at the corner of his eyes. His eyes would open to the sight of his hands outstretched, and it would take him a moment to realize... realize... that he was no longer a human. Or at least, a full human.

However, this dream was nothing like the happy times that reopened old scars, revealing the hollowness of where  _ it _ used to be. Instead, it was more like his most recent memory where he would lay in the darkness, body numb, and skin freezing. The loneliness was most prominent there because  _ nothing _ had buried the overwhelming amount of sadness and  _ anguish _ . No, he was still empty. His family was dead, and there was no such thing as freedom. What was that, even?  _ Freedom? _ Was it the ability to run amok in a world he could no longer remember, or was it the capability to do whatever he wished,  _ whenever _ ?

He stared at the darkness once again, lost in his memories. Everything had disappeared, and the same, achingly familiar feeling of desolation took its place, residing deep in his heart... but...  _ ah... they're leaving... _

He watched with half-lidded eyes as the blurry figure disappeared. He wanted to outstretch his arms, yell,  _ anything  _ if it meant that his friend would stay. However, to no avail, he could not even let out a word, much less a sentence. Instead, he yelled internally, hoping that... maybe...  _ maybe _ ... they'll notice.

' _ Don't go!' _

_ 'Don't leave me!' _

_ 'Please... I don't want to be alone...' _

He let out a dry sob, coughing as water entered his lungs. Why couldn't anyone stay? Why did everyone leave? All he wanted... all he wanted was a companion; someone who would keep him company, and yet, everyone left, and no one ever chose him. Why did everyone have to leave? Why did others have... have... someone, and he didn't? Why did he have to stay alone in this dark, cold place while a whole world that he could never reach existed?

The familiar feeling of sleepiness overtook him the more he tried to move. Even just a finger... just a twitch...  _ PLEASE _ ! The light that his companion opened felt  _ so good _ , he wanted to feel more of it, so  _ please _ , get him out of here... he didn't want to stay in this cold, dark place... he didn't want to be  _ alone _ ...

_ 'No...' _

His body shook with barely contained sobs, even as the noises lessened. There was only silence now, and he... was yet again... alone.

Alone.

He was alone. Alone. Alone.  **Alone.**

All he wanted was a friend. He didn't even try to get out! He didn't do anything bad! But the world deemed him fit for punishment. The world said that he should suffer while others prospered. He should be the sacrifice for the sake of everyone else. He...

_ 'I don't want that. I...  _ **_I don't want to be in pain._ ** _ ' _

He wanted to have fun. He wanted to experience whatever he had  _ before _ . He... he just wanted to be free. 

Why did the rest of the world prosper at his expense? Why are the rest of the people free while he’s trapped? Why couldn’t it be the other way around?

…

All he wanted… was to be… happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much does Erwin know? Hm... quite a bit. How? Well... don't ask the author because the author... does not understand either. Unless???
> 
> Erwin knows and has suspected for a while that perhaps... the Titan somehow got in the walls either before or during the fall. However, there was nothing more to it. Only a hypothesis that could only be tested after meeting a peculiar cadet whose file is as strange as the intelligent Titan.
> 
> And yes. Erwin was watching Levi and Eren spar with jealousy and immediately sent Hange to pick the two up.
> 
> **Finally, a mini-theater to end the chapter!**
> 
> Levi: *swears*
> 
> Erwin, holding Eren's ears: *gasp*
> 
> Eren (can't hear anything): what?
> 
> Erwin, pointing at Levi: don't you dare teach my son such vulgar words, you old man
> 
> Levi: he's not even your son... And you're fucking older than me.
> 
> Erwin: *scandalized gasp*
> 
> We'll be seeing Titan!Eren soon!


	10. he has no regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 57th expedition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone subscribed to this fic and saw the word count of this chapter, you are correct. It is very, VERY short. Around 2k, I think? And yes, I do have an excuse, which is called "writer's block". I actually wrote this chapter around 3-4 times and at this point, I really wanted to get this scene over with, so... no satisfaction guaranteed for this chapter.
> 
> No warnings in this chapter? I think? It's mostly Eren's thoughts; HOWEVER, the plot is finally moving forward! At first, I wanted this chapter to take a huge leap... but my writer's block and lack of satisfaction with Eren's thought process led to me posting... well, this.
> 
> Consistency really isn't my strong point, so if you see any inconsistent personalities... it's inconsistent, period.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The day of the 57th expedition came, and it was brought with tension that blanketed over the soldiers until the silence was no longer a solace. The soldiers sat on their horses, rigid in every way as their clammy skin glinted off the sun. There was no motivation to spark any conversations, and even if there was a start of a new conversation, it was quickly ended. The new soldiers remained ramrod straight and froze in fear with their eyes on the closed entrance; however, this was for  _ most _ and wasn’t the case for  _ all. _

Hange, in particular, shook in her seat with barely concealed excitement. She jittered hyperactively, her arms waving in a disorganized mess. Her mouth was constantly moving, set in a permanent grin as she passionately spoke tale after tale of the Titans from her excursion.

“We did have to kill him, though,” she said disappointedly, pouting slightly as she recalled the large, lumbering figure. “I wanted to name him Alexander.”

Eren didn’t know how to respond.

Luckily, Moblit spoke in his stead. He tapped Hange’s shoulder slowly, frowning as he spoke. “Squad Leader, it tried to grab you.”

“He was excited!” She defended. “And of course, Albert didn’t want to be separated from Natalia—”

Levi scoffed loudly, interrupting Hange’s story. He scolded, “Stop naming all the Titans you come across, Shitty Glasses.”

Hange paused for a moment, considering his words. It almost looked as if she agreed, contemplating on whether or not to do as he followed. But then she suddenly waved her hand in dismissal, murmuring, “Yeah, Yeah…” suddenly, she jerked towards Levi, surprising everyone around them. She cried, “Levi! I knew you had a heart, somewhere deep,  _ deep _ , inside that cold, dank chest of yours!” She tried to ruffle Levi’s hair, much to the other man’s disdain.

Humanity’s Strongest dodged the scientist’s hands, curling his lips in distaste when he ducked another limb reaching towards his hair. Still, it continued to come, stubbornly attempting to ruffle it. “Disgusting,” he spat. “Did you even wash your hands after taking a shit?”

“She did. I make sure she does,” Moblit defended, still holding Hange back… somehow, despite riding on a different horse.

“...” Eren thought that Moblit was given too little credit for his talent.

Levi turned to Eren. His expression turned from

disdainful to neutral as he caught sight of the familiar green eyes. He said,

“Eren, wash your hands when you take a dump or you’ll be punished.”

“I always wash my hands!” Eren beamed.

* * *

He had forgotten.

The first time he caught a whiff of the familiar scent, he was frozen in shock. His body tensed, becoming rigid on the spot, and his eyes widened. He was a bit fearful of what he would find, afraid that someone he thought was good, someone he  _ trusted _ would turn out to be the source of the smell.

And he was right.

His mind was overcome with anger, he got tunnel vision, and the sight of the kind older brothers…  _ warped _ into the image of the two Titans. The thought of killing them crossed his mind—several times, really, but he could never find it in himself to deliver the final blow. Both Reiner and Bertolt were seen as the ideal older brother: kind, patient, and everything in between, and that made them the best type of people to associate with. Well… they were.

To him, the realization—one that was so obviously there, yet hidden so well concurrently—was something he never wanted to feel ever again. It was just the knowledge that the people he was supposed to hate… were people whom he genuinely enjoyed spending time with. They were the type of people he wanted to paint as bad,  _ demons _ , and something even worse because if he were to ever carry out the killing blow, he would otherwise feel remorse. Funny, isn’t it?

For someone who killed ruthlessly, mangled their limp bodies, and followed orders like an obedient  _ slave _ , he, out of everyone, wanted to see the world in a black-and-white layout like he once did. He wanted to see the bad people in black, the good people in white, and he wanted to  _ be _ the good one who performed righteous justice in the name of the greater good.

But in reality…

He wasn’t the good one. He was never completely good. But he wanted to be.

It would’ve been so easy to live a life in ignorance, knowing that the two Titans who destroyed his home were nothing but  _ monsters _ that he could never relate to. It…

It would’ve been better if he never remembered. He would be so much,  _ so much  _ happier being ignorant of the blood on his hands.

“AN ABNORMAL TITAN RIGHT BEHIND US!”

Sometimes, he would ask himself,  _ was it truly a good thing that he remembered the past? _ The knowledge that this ache in his heart was because he already experienced loss before wasn’t something he really wanted to remember. Knowing that he had done despicable things in the name of his own freedom was something he would’ve gladly forgotten. And yet, these memories returned, and he looked straight at them, smiling, almost welcoming as he constantly repeated it in his head like a mantra that… that this was for the best.

The return of his memories was a good thing. It was. It  _ had to be _ , or else… why did he even remember the painful past? To regain the happiness he felt in his old family before it was cruelly ripped apart by those bandits? To recapture the moment of despair as he laid in the darkness as the world around him changed?

“EREN, FOCUS!” ordered Oluo.

Blinking out of his stupor, Eren swiveled his head towards the older man.

Oluo gritted his teeth. “Focus!” It was quieter than his previous command but no less assertive.

Had this been a lighthearted training, there was sure to be some teasing. The other members would half-heartedly banter as they made fun of Oluo’s surprisingly commanding voice, and the Little One would scoff at first, but he would always look back at them with a fond gaze.

This wasn’t training, though. It was an expedition.

A blonde-haired Titan came running their way as it simultaneously grabbed the flying soldiers before killing them with one blow. Its gaze was intelligent, even more so obvious as it seemed to calculatingly dispose of them.

It remained running a little behind them, easily catching up to their pace; however, it did nothing more than that. It just ran, its eyes glued on the squad members below her as if… as if it was waiting for something.

Eren wasn’t sure what it was waiting for, but if there was one thing that he could say with conviction, it was that Annie… was never an ally, to begin with, as much as he hated to say it. He said, over and over, that he was willing to risk it; that he was willing to wait before striking… but didn’t he also say that he wanted to be friends with her? She was blunt, despite her cold exterior, and she was also very warm, regardless of her standoffish personality… and to him, she was someone who he genuinely enjoyed spending time with.

Maybe that was why his heart felt as if it was in a vice grip. It ached, and it hurt, even more so than the time he realized who Reiner and Bertolt were. Or was his heart aching because the soldiers were dying? He didn’t know anymore, and he certainly didn’t want to know.

He turned away from the sight of the Titan—Annie—and briefly closed his eyes.

“Sorry,” he murmured underneath his breath.  _ ‘Sorry’ _ to the soldiers who died in vain; they were unnecessary deaths, and they could have lived longer, had… 

Had…

Had he taken the initiative? Had he discarded any selfish feelings he held and transformed for the sake of not only the Survey Corps but also for humanity… then maybe… would they have survived? If he moved now, then no more soldiers would die in vain.

But why won’t he move? Why aren’t his limbs working?

_ ‘I… I am not the boy from five years ago,’ _ he thought. He wasn’t the cowardly boy who believed that he was ‘good’. He changed, and yet—and yet— _ why won’t his body move? _

Did… did he even change at all?

In the end, perhaps, he had never changed, to begin with. He was always the cowardly boy—from start to finish—who could only muster up bursts of confidence in small intervals. Closing the hole at Trost only happened because no one could put the pieces together; only Armin, whom he trusted with all his life was the one who knew… and he accepted it. He accepted the truth of his humanity—or the lack of one—and even listened to his story.

However… he couldn’t transform here, all out of his own cowardice. He feared… he feared that if he outed himself as a Titan, especially before the Little One, the dream would end. His thoughts of riding beside the man as a soldier as he defeated Titans alongside him… would all go away with an abrupt end. But—

“Eren.”

Even in a life-or-death situation, the Little One was as composed as ever. His voice was stable, albeit a bit tense, and his dark eyes stared clear ahead. Sometimes, Eren envied the man’s calmness. He wished he could be as cool as him, but could never be like him. He was too… too  _ Eren _ to become someone like the Little One.

Levi stared forward, even while speaking. “Eren,” he said again. This time, he paused, before turning to look straight into him. “Don’t regret it.”

Don’t regret your choices. Take them—embrace it—and move forwards.

Petra jerked towards Levi in terror. “W-what are you talking about?”

“Our orders were to go straight—what—I don’t understand!” shouted Petra in dismay. She turned to Eren, “Eren, you aren’t going to do anything, right? You’ll—you’ll follow Corporal’s orders and—and—and you’ll trust us, right?” Her voice shook, almost as if she was trying to convince herself of… something.

Gunther didn’t say anything, but it was clear that he agreed with Petra. As did Eld. And Oluo. They all looked at Eren in trepidation, waiting for his answer.

Another soldier was crushed.

“I…” Eren swallowed.

And another.

“I will f—”

A foot came down, narrowly missing Gunther’s horse.

_ ‘I’ll be fine. But they won’t be.’ _

And… how worse can it be? He’s experienced the pain of all kinds. He’s survived the loss of a family—twice, actually—so how bad can it be?

The last thing Levi and the other squadmates saw before he was crushed underneath the foot of the Abnormal Titan was the sad smile… and the tears on his face.

* * *

_ “What do you think about this ‘Eren Yeager’?” _

The question stayed in his head for a long time, and even now, he wasn’t sure if he could properly answer it.

As a fellow soldier, he thought of him as a talented young man. He was the ideal soldier, obedient, competent, and extremely loyal. As a ‘friend’ or a ‘companion’ of his, he thought of him as a kind boy. A bit awkward at times, but no less generous. Sort of like… like Isabel. Isabel, who attempted to save an injured bird, and Isabel, who loyally followed him until her demise.

But as a Titan?

He wasn’t ignorant. He knew although he’d rather not. He knew what Erwin was planning, he knew what he was grasping, and he knew…  _ knew _ what he was looking at; a Titan.

So when he saw Eren’s eyes, so fearful yet stubborn, staring right at the Abnormal Titan as if he knew something everyone didn’t, he watched. He watched out of the corner of his eyes, and he watched, even as the soldiers from the other squads met their ends. He watched... and then he spoke.

"Don’t regret it.”

Looking back at it, he wondered; should he really have said that? Was he really happy with the knowledge that Erwin was right all along?

“C-corporal,” Petra stammered, frozen in shock.

Levi didn’t blame her… or any of his squadmates in that regard.

The young boy whom they warmed up to, the young boy who smiled at them like any other child… was now a fifteen-meter Titan… 

A Titan… that once saved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because the author is very tired and spent more time on this chapter than on schoolwork, the next chapter may be delayed.
> 
> **to end this chapter, here's a mini theater**
> 
> Eren: I must call the Little One 'Levi'
> 
> Eren: I must call the Little One 'Corporal'
> 
> Eren: I must call the Little One 'Corporal Levi'
> 
> Levi: *appears*
> 
> Eren: *gasps* the Little One!
> 
> Armin, from afar: *facepalms*


	11. he sees her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight between Annie and Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning** : ... sort of? Graphic? Canon level of violence and blood, though.
> 
> I... I didn't want to leave people hanging, so I ultimately decided to speed-write this chapter, and voila. Here we are! The last part of this chapter isn't my most favorite, so I'll edit it later... anyways, I hope you enjoy this little present!
> 
> I also hope that the action scene was to your liking because... honestly? I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't even get a clear image of their fight in my head.
> 
> I won't say anything more about this chapter, but I am excited for your feedback! Again, thank you for reading!

“Don’t regret it.”

The words were clear as day as they ran through his head. Repeating the three words over and over again like a puppet who could only say a single sentence, he was wholly unprepared for the large foot that lowered down in his direction. By the time he sensed it, the whiff of the wind being his only warning, it was too late. He could neither move nor say anything else… but he finally understood.

Don’t regret them—don’t regret the choices that he would make.

Take it. Accept it and move forwards with the knowledge right in his grasp, so when the time comes, the same mistake will never repeat itself.

Thinking back on the past… perhaps, that was what he was missing this whole time: regret. Countless times, he felt regret. He felt it and let it cloud his future judgment, let it lower himself down to the point of uselessness. He felt it and became scared of what was yet to come—if it ever did. Because of regret, he never acted when he had the ability to do so… and because he let the fear and regret make up his whole entire being, he never understood, and proceeded to make the same mistakes over and over again.

Eren—still half-formed—opened his mouth, and let out a bellowing roar. It was loud, loud enough to send tremors down the forest ground. Parts of his body still steamed, but as seconds went by, it cleared, revealing the large figure. His body glistened underneath the speckles of sunlight that filtered through the forest like specks of stars, and his bright green eyes with a hint of amber  _ gleamed _ with a new light—like an untainted light. His eyes were brighter than before, showing a hint of clarity that looked as if the clouds finally cleared away, revealing the unadulterated color of them.

Huffing, he moved his feet a little, positioning himself in a familiar fighting stance. Steam exited from his nostrils, and his muscles were pulled taut, obvious even from afar as he waited for his opponent. He stood tensely as Annie did the same; she widened her stance and stared straight ahead.

She, too, was waiting. Her blond hair rustled in the wind, showing her cerulean blue eyes that sharpened with every bit of movement.

The two Titans surveyed each other for a while, the entirety of the being ghost-silent as the soldiers watched with bated breaths. The trees  _ swished _ and had a murmurous quality to them, as if they, too, were at the edge of their seats, waiting for the fight to start. Even the regular, mindless Titans, who enjoyed causing havoc around the area were absent. None of them appeared—or none of them dared to arrive at such a tense moment.

Without a warning, Annie  _ moved _ . Her footsteps were loud, and her movements were ruthless, emitting the aura to  _ kill _ . With a lack of clothes constricting her movements, and the unnecessary need to keep her opponent alive, her fighting became more brutal. Each kick sent trees down, and each strike of her hand could have left a weaker Titan incapacitated; however, Eren was not a weaker Titan.

With just as much strength and savagery, Eren continued to trade blows after blos with Annie, similar to how they sparred when training. However, he lacked the swift movements and lithe figure from before. His Titan form was bulkier and taller than Annie’s, and it took him a moment (with a few blows) to get used to his new height. The movements came easily enough for him. With every kick, floods of past fights flooded through his mind, and old muscle memory awakened.

It was obvious to those who watched that this was not a fight that would end with two  _ alive _ . No, it would end with one  _ dead— _ and two who fought knew very well of the fact. Their blows had not a single ounce of hesitance in them, and Annie in particular, had long since hardened vital parts along with her fists, leaving holes in Eren’s body that would have been fatal had he not been a Titan.

For a moment, it looked as if Eren was losing. His whole entire body was steaming, and it seemed as if he wasn’t strong enough… until he suddenly struck back. He landed a particularly harsh blow on Annie’s leg with his fist, rendering it useless. Letting out a roar of frustration, he quickly intercepted Annie’s swift punch, and retaliated with a vicious kick to her other leg.

Eren let out a low growl of satisfaction at Annie’s incapacitation before diving down, giving her no time to regenerate. He continued to attack her, going even as far as to pull her limbs off. It was brutal—yes, but none of the soldiers could look away from the sight. Despite the fighting heading in a seemingly one-sided direction, Annie soon fought back, sending a well-timed kick in his direction. Eren toppled over, freeing Annie from his chokehold.

The two stayed still for a while, heaving as they caught their breaths. Annie crouched down, opposite from Eren, watching with one eye as she glanced at Eren, then to the soldiers. She surveyed her opponent’s appearance, from his build, to his state. Meanwhile, Eren narrowed his eyes at Annie’s steaming arm, all while waiting for his own to regenerate. He felt the familiar return of mobility return to them, and as soon as he felt them heal, he immediately flexed them, making sure that they worked.

“Annie…” he murmured from the inside of his Titan.

_ ‘Annie… what do you want?’ _

Someone he thought to be his friend… someone he dismissed… someone who he desperately didn’t want them to be on the same side as Reiner and Bertolt… stood right before him. And why? Why—he didn’t know. Did she want him? Or did she come with ulterior motives? But if Annie’s intentions were something  _ other _ than him, then she wouldn’t have indulged him. She would have left or have completed her goal without causing such a ruckus.

_ ‘A village of Titans?’ _ he wondered.

Did a village of Titans who can shift from human to Titan really exist? But that doesn’t make sense! Why would a village want the decimation of humanity? Or… was humanity truly not at its last?

Eren bit his lips in frustration and his brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to think of a reason—or at least land on a sensible answer. He was somewhere… close… he was near  _ something _ —he  _ had _ to be, but before he could continue in his string of thoughts, Annie struck.

But not for him.

Annie suddenly shot in his direction, and he immediately tensed in preparation to block the strike; however, she then shot  _ past _ him and towards the soldiers on the trees. Her body left whiffs of steam floating around, but to Eren, it looked as if she had completely regenerated. Worse, her unexpected change in target surprised everyone, leaving them vulnerable to her attacks.

“Commander!” One of the soldiers cried out in alarm.

Erwin stared straight ahead. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his eyes sharpened. He remained still, unmoving, even in the face of death as the Titan suddenly turned to his direction, intent on disposing of him; however, before its hand could collide with his body, Levi shot out from behind Erwin.

Levi shot his hooks at a rapid pace, easily slicing the Titan’s limbs off before it could comprehend what had just happened.

“Erwin!” Levi yelled when he noticed that the commander had not moved an inch from his spot. He grunted, “Get out of here!”

Still, the commander remained still. Erwin narrowed his eyes, but said nothing, even as Levi continued to slice the Titan’s limbs at a fearsome pace. Only then did he finally speak.

“No.”

Levi retracted, swiftly getting out of the Titan’s range. He glared at Erwin. “Erwin, you—”

“My job is to learn more about what lies outside the walls,” interrupted Erwin, completely unfazed.

Levi stared at Erwin for a moment, then at the two Titans who resumed their fight once again. He let out a breath and closed his eyes—though only briefly. Shooting his hooks into a nearby tree, he flew mid-air like a bird in the sky. Suddenly, he smirked, his lips curving upwards as he looked away from the commander. When he finally did open his eyes, it  _ gleamed _ as they focused on his target.

* * *

He thought he made the right decision… he thought he was right! He could have saved them—if only—if only… if only he weren’t late, then maybe… he could have stopped their deaths. If only he didn’t freeze… if…

They were too late.

Levi stood not far from him on a nearby branch. He was bleeding in several places, and he held on to the tree for support. One leg was slightly hoisted upwards, floating, while the other was planted firmly on the ground. He held a broken blade in his free hand as he glared hatefully at the Titan—panting as he did so.

The ebony-haired man stared regretfully at the splotches of blood on the tree branches. He grit his teeth, closed his eyes, and looked away from the gruesome sight below him.

_ ‘Why?’ _ Eren found himself asking.  _ ‘Why did they have to die? Why… why did you target them?’ _

No… he shook his head. That wasn’t the correct question.

Instead,  _ ‘Why? Why did they have to follow?’ _ was the right one.

He remembered the time he spent with them. Cleaning, training… the little conversations, and the little acts of kindness they performed. As short as they were, it was precious, sort of like the rarest gem in the whole entire world. He remembered cleaning with Petra; Petra, who asked if he was okay when he dazedly swept the headquarters floors. Gunther and Eld, who teased him and treated him like a younger brother. Oluo… who despite his first impression as a rude man, secretly gave him candies instead of wordy praises… he missed them.

They could have survived if only they listened. If they had followed the orders, just as Petra stressed not only during training but back then… then—then—then they would have  _ lived _ .  _ They could have survived _ , but they returned, instantly flying back the moment their eyes caught sight of an injured Levi to protect him. Instead, they  _ died _ , leaving nothing but crushed carcasses on the forest grounds.

So when Annie turned her focus to Levi with the intent to  _ kill _ , Eren finally moved from his sprawled position. He stumbled for a moment, before flinging himself in between Levi and Annie, praying that he’d arrive there faster. He ran, using everything he had to get himself there first—and he succeeded.

“What are you doing?!” Levi yelled.

_ ‘Please.’ _ He held on tighter, even as Levi attempted to get out, yelling and cursing as he did so.  _ ‘Please… at least…’ _

He continued to run, even as Annie punched him. He continued to move, still holding on.

If it meant that his family would survive… then he’ll do it, even if it meant that he’ll perish. It doesn’t matter if the Little One hates him because of this, and it doesn’t matter.  _ Nothing matters anymore _ . He revealed that he was a Titan, and surely, everyone would hate him now… but at least…

Let him do one good thing.

“Please,” Eren whispered, even if he knew that Levi would never hear him. “Please let me do this.”

He didn’t know what kind of expression he had on his face… but he was glad that Levi couldn’t see it. He could feel the little droplets of tears trickle down his cheeks, and this… this weakness was something he would never want anyone—especially those he swore to protect—to see.

It really was a short time. Armin… Mikasa… the Little One… but he cherished it nonetheless.

If only he didn’t freeze up, unable to comprehend Gunther’s sudden death… then they would have all been alive. If… if only…

“I’m sorry,” Eren quietly sobbed.

Why must fate be so cruel? Why? Why always him? Why—why couldn’t he be  _ normal _ ?

No matter what he chose… no matter how hard he tried… everyone would die. Even the best choices, the one that he believed was for the best… always resulted in some lasting regret, because…  _ what if? _ What if he did something different? What if he never transformed? What if…

What if he never existed in the first place?

Surely, they would all be happier without him… surely… if he had died with his mother and father back then… surely if he died as an infant before all of this could begin…

Then would have things ended differently?

* * *

“No way…” Connie breathed out in shock. “That’s Eren?”

Jean didn’t answer, too stunned to formulate a proper answer. All he did was stare at the two Titans before him, even as the other veteran soldiers flew around, following the Commander’s every order. His eyes were glued on the figure that held the—rather female looking—Titan in a chokehold. And he knew, even without looking at the others that his friends were in a similar state.

The Titan… was Eren in every way, and yet  _ not _ Eren at the same time. His movements were similar, and so were his tactics. His way of moving, ducking, and retaliating was indeed Eren. And the particular hue that only Eren had was most  _ definitely _ Eren… but at the same time, Eren was nothing like the Titan. Perhaps it was because he was friends with the brunet under the belief that he was a  _ human _ that it was hard to accept this fact… but while the Titan was tall, bulky, and muscular… Eren was not. He was quite the opposite, really.

He was snapped out of his stupor when cries of alarm rang from several soldiers as the Titan—Eren—dove his head down and…  _ bit _ into his opponent’s neck. Steam emitted from his nostrils at the movement, and he held on tighter, sure to bruise had it been a human being. Underneath him, the female Titan thrashed; it pounded its fist on the ground and kicked blindly into the air as it attempted to release itself from Eren’s hold. However, what happened was not the desired outcome. Instead, Eren’s grip tightened, even more so, and not long after, the Titan stilled, falling limply to the ground.

Hange cursed. “This isn’t good,” she stated. “If we lose the Titan, we might lose the chance to learn more about it.”

Erwin nodded, however, he did nothing to stop Eren. Instead of ordering nearby soldiers to stop the brunet from further damaging the other, he said, “We’re too late.” He paused for a moment, deep in thought. Then, he murmured, “But what if… Wait,” he said loudly, stopping Hange and Mike from moving. “Let him kill the Titan. We still have Eren and the Colossal and Armored.”

Hange let out a noise of surprise, but it wasn’t directed towards Erwin. Similarly, Levi let out a strangled noise as if he was choking on something. He, along with the other soldiers, watched with wide eyes as Eren viciously tore the nape out.

Eren continued to bite into the Titan’s nape, chomping hard enough before swinging back with one swift movement.

The 104th was in a similar state. Their eyes were glazed, wide, and unseeing as their friend brutally tore the nape out of the Titan, revealing the figure underneath the skin. Little strings of flesh clung to the body, partially hiding the face, but to those who knew her, there really was no need to see their facial features. From the pale hoodie to the blonde hair that swayed mid-air, the entirety of the 104th was certain that… that the one who controlled the Titan was…

Annie.

And by the time they realized it, Eren’s jaw had already closed, sealing Annie’s fate. Blood spurted from his mouth, trickling down his chin, and someone, who already looked rather feral… looked absolutely  _ animalistic. _

* * *

Eren didn’t know what happened, but he knew very well that  _ he didn’t like it. _ The lack of control… the loss of mobility in his body… and the pure unadulterated  _ rage _ that he didn’t know  _ where  _ it was directed to.

He was scared.

And he had every right to fear.

The moment he lowered the Little One—albeit a little carelessly as the rumbling footsteps neared—he… blacked out. It was as if something covered his eyes as he could see nothing, hear nothing, and feel  _ absolutely nothing. _ All he could tell was that something was happening against his wishes… and he was correct.

By the time he regained all control of his limbs—along with his eyesight—the last thing his eyes caught was the face of Annie.  _ Annie _ , who stared up at him with a sad expression… as a single tear trickled down her face; however, it was too late. His jaw had closed, and all he could taste was blood. Blood ran down his chin, on his teeth, on his tongue, and down his throat.

Blood. _Blood._ **_Blood_** **.**

It was so  _ disgusting _ that he wanted to spit it out. He wanted to retch, vomit, and get it out, even as the feeling of skin, blood, and something else slid down his throat, but all he could do was gag. Tears welled in his eyes, and flashes of  _ something _ flashed through his eyes. He could spot a girl—four people—then three—and… a figure hugging someone.

His heart throbbed painfully, and his eyes twitched. His teeth were clenched, and… and he wasn’t even sure anymore. Where was he? Was he still in his Titan? Did he get out? Or…

He blinked.

And then he blinked again.

It was blurry. Everything was unfocused, nothing but blobs against darkness, and yet… this place seemed familiar. He tried to rub his eyes, initially surprised that he had full momentum of his limbs, before resuming his rubbing, intent on trying to clear his eyesight. And yet, that didn’t work.

“Annie?” He whispered softly. “Annie… I am sorry,” he let out a soft sound akin to a sob. “I am sorry, Annie. I… I did not mean to eat you—really!” He really didn’t, of course, he didn’t want to eat her! She… she was his friend, and he was sure that friends don’t eat each other, but he wondered if it reflected in his voice. Did he sound sincere? Was his voice genuine enough? He wasn’t sure, but he hoped that Annie—if she was here—would believe him.

“Annie?” He tried again. “Annie…”

Was Annie angry at him? Did she hate him? Or was she not here?

He looked around, intent on figuring out where he was. It was dark, and… and the soil was pale underneath his boots. But… but soil isn’t pale, right? He turned, desperate to find something eye-catching—

“What is that?” He found himself murmuring.

Regardless of his blurry eyesight, the sight before him was something to behold. It… it was  _ beautiful _ , so beautiful… he unconsciously took a step forward.

He didn’t know what it was… but it was beautiful. Bright, and sparkling even in the darkness, it looked ethereal. The branches of the ‘tree’ were tall, spreading far out into the sky, all the way to the horizon on the other side.

“Annie?” He whispered again.

Something tugged his shirt.

“Annie?” He echoed, swiveling around to look before pausing. Oh… his eyesight was still blurry. Still, it looked like… “Annie, is that you?”

‘Annie’ didn’t answer.

Was she shorter than before? Or did something happen?

He squinted his eyes, desperate to see ‘Annie’ better, but it seemed as if no amount of squinting could recover his less-than-satisfactory eyesight. It was still blurred, the figure before him being nothing but a blob with a vague, humanoid shape.

No… there’s no use in thinking. If this ‘Annie’ didn’t answer, and if his eyesight never gets any better, and he’ll never be able to apologize… and the Little One told him to not regret it. He didn’t want to regret anything—especially as he already did something worth regretting.

“I am sorry,” he blurted out. He paused, then said, “I really am sorry… I did not mean to do that—I really did not! I never… I never meaned—meant to cause you any pain. I—it was too late—and—and I’m sorry—”

A hand, a cold hand touched his cheek. Was Annie’s hand always this cold? He couldn’t tell. After all, Annie never really did touch him.

_ ‘No…’ _ Eren thought as his eyesight slowly darkened. The hand was still on his cheek, cold as ever, but… it was comforting… as if it was saying ‘It’s okay’. But that couldn’t be right—yes, he was just misinterpreting. There was no way that what he did was okay… what he did… for what he did, he deserved to be punished… not comforted.

Suddenly, the memory warped, blurring even more out of focus as the figure before him slowly disappeared.

_ ‘No… I need to tell you something…’ _

“Wait! I—I’ll—”

**“—I’ll return this to you.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... yeah. Annie was eaten. And Levi Squad was destroyed. To be honest, Levi Squad's decimation wasn't supposed to even happen, but I ended up killing them off, not only for Eren (sorry, Eren), but because I remembered that the 104th was later placed in his squad... *scurries away*
> 
> **Mini Theater? Titled: How to train your...**
> 
> Levi: sit.  
> Titan Eren: *sits*  
> Levi: hand.  
> Titan Eren: *outstretches a hand*  
> Levi: stay.  
> Titan Eren: ...


	12. he is found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I wanted this chapter to be long... longer than what I have now, but I ended up losing my muse halfway, so I decided to split it (again). 
> 
> This chapter is mostly a filler due to it mainly being the aftermath. Barely anything happens, so I apologize to those who are unhappy with this chapter... 
> 
> **SPOILER WARNING:** I will be showing a few things that may be hard to understand for those who have not watched the end of season 3 pt.2. There will also be a vague mention of Reiner's past!
> 
> There are no other warnings in this chapter! Enjoy!

The log that the three sat on was neatly placed and spaced perfectly. It was neither uncomfortable, nor particularly hard to sit on, but just… just  _ right _ . With a solemn air around them, the three spoke softly with a voice that was barely audible; with an almost whispery quality. They conversed with the utmost caution, vigilant for any wandering people who may accidentally overhear their… rather questionable topics.

Then, after a brief moment of silence—with Bertolt squirming uncomfortably in his seat—Reiner spoke.

“We know that the royal family has the Founding Titan,” he stated, with a determined, and yet in a tired voice.

Bertolt stared at the ground uncertainty, watching as he shuffled his feet from side to side, leaving little marks on the grassy floor.

“Can’t we return?” questioned Bertolt quietly. He curled up and drew his knees inward. “We failed. Simple—It’s been a year, and… and we only have the information they gave us.”

He sighed, looked downward; however, the sound of a head snapping upward alerted him, and he instantly sat up—just in time to meet Reiner’s cold expression. He flinched at the severity, and looked away resignedly, choosing to stare at the forest not far from them instead.

“Bertolt,” Reiner began. “It’s  _ only _ been a year.” He then turned to Annie and said, “You said that you found some interesting information.”

Annie stared at Reiner with an undecipherable expression for a split-second, before nodding. Taking a breath, she said, “There was a leak.”

That caught Bertolt’s attention. He turned away from the forest and back to the two, his gaze expectant as he wired for Annie to continue.

“A leak?” He echoed.

“The Reiss family was massacred five years ago. Everyone except for the head was killed,” stated Annie.

Biting his lip, he thought,  _ ‘But they’re not the royal family… unless…’ _ he looked up and saw Reiner sharing the same confusion as him.

Reiner crossed his arms and frowned even more. “And?” He asked. “What does the Reiss family have to do with our mission? They’re merely—"

“The King is a puppet,” interrupted Annie. She looked up and stared straight at Reiner, and then Bertolt—albeit briefly. “The family was killed by a doctor named Grisha Yeager…” she paused, then said, “That’s all I got.”

“Then…” Bertolt bit his lip. “Then that means that Grisha Yeager has the Founding Titan?” He glanced at Reiner.

Annie shrugged. “Possibly,” she said.

The three entered another silence. No one was particularly vocal about their thoughts and they simply stared at the ground, deep in thought. It was almost deafening—nerve-racking as the feeling of  _ something... _ something… like trepidation filled them. Only the soft rustling of the nearby trees could be heard, and those sounds—one Bertolt associated with calmness—was taxing. Every little sound, natural or not, left him anxious and fearful. What if someone was approaching? What if… 

What if someone heard their ‘little’ conversation? Quiet as they were, they also weren’t very inconspicuous with them. Had they not been such resigned and weary people, he doubted that they would have easily accepted them into their little group… however, they were. They were tired and they didn’t have enough hands helping them, so even theirs—as suspicious as it was—was helpful.

Reiner suddenly stood up, surprising Bertolt. He turned to Annie. “Does Grisha Yeager have any other relatives?”

Neither a definite ‘yes’ nor a ‘no’, but a shrug. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

* * *

On the night before choosing their military branch, the three had another meeting, and this time… it was the last one. Or at least in a long time.

“You’ll join the Military Police,” ordered Reiner.

Annie blinked in surprise, and momentarily, she looked as if she wanted to refuse. However, she nodded and then turned to face Bertolt. 

“Oh! Oh… I’m joining the Survey Corps with Reiner,” said Bertolt nervously, scratching the back of his neck as he spoke. “We decided that—”

“Eren. I know,” said Annie softly.

Reiner frowned, “I told you to not get close,” he scolded. 

Much to Bertolt’s shock, Annie only turned away. He had expected something…  _ more _ . Or at least a snappish response. It wasn’t a secret, after all, that Eren and Annie had some sort of friendship going on. Eren, who was a little introverted, and Annie, who was only friendly towards Eren… in her peculiar Annie-ish way. 

Bertolt coughed awkwardly. “Eren wasn’t there when that Titan sealed the hole,” he said quietly, watching as Annie faced them again, albeit with a hint of annoyance.

He continued, “And he appeared after the Titan already disappeared, so we decided to keep an eye out for him.”

Reiner nodded before taking a moment to stare at the sky. His expression was unreadable, but it was obvious that he was a little skittish. “The possibility that he has the Founding Titan is high, especially considering his parentage.”

At Annie’s raised eyebrow, Bertolt elaborated, “Grisha Yeager is his father.”

An indiscernible look crossed through Annie’s eyes, disappearing as soon as it came.

“We have an expedition soon,” Reiner began, completely oblivious to Annie’s flashing emotions (unlike Bertolt, who saw them all). 

“Capture Eren.”

* * *

Sometimes… Bertolt envied Annie and Eren’s friendship—or whatever that was called. Eren, despite his rather friendly exterior and approachable-at-first look, was… the exact opposite. He was pretty introverted, rarely taking the time to get to know anyone. Of course, it wasn’t in a bad way—not at all! But… it was just that he seemed to be content with his small friend group (consisting of Armin and Mikasa), and never looked to want  _ more _ . 

And yet, when the time came, and they spent more time with the short brunet, it became obvious that Eren was just… socially inept. His speech was more often than not jumbled and messed, barely proper grammar-wise, and it was obvious from the looks on his face that he was also not very good at scholarly things. He was actually friendly (in his own way) once you got to know him, and… it was nice. At least, that’s what Bertolt thought.

Was he wrong with his observations?

“I…” Reiner trailed off. He looked down, looking much like the fragile boy Bertolt had long since forgotten. 

He used to be like that, he remembered. 

Reiner… lower than everyone else, was only good in one place. Loyalty. He had a seemingly unlimited supply of loyalty towards the Marleyans, even more so than all the other Warriors combined. Yet, he was still weak. He was insecure, skittish, and looked as if a strong gust of wind was all that was needed to break him.

When did that change?

_ ‘When did it… oh.’ _

On the day Marcel died. On the day Annie beat Reiner so hard that his face was crushed. Or was it the day that he inherited the armored Titan? The day he finally rose up the ranks and made his family proud as an honorary Marleyan.

And yet… after the congratulatory parade, Reiner, who had so much gusto before… came back as fragile as ever.

So that couldn’t be it. 

Was it really when Reiner swore to be a leader like Marcel? Or… or… was he always like that?

Bertolt no longer knew. He no longer understood the boy named ‘Reiner Braun’. It was too complicated, even for his brain. Who was Reiner, really? The kind older brother? The cold leader? Or the fragile boy who was used as an item by his own family?

“I’m sorry, Bertolt.” 

He wanted to punch Reiner in the face, but that would only be detrimental to their mission. So he just grit his teeth and looked away, unwilling to see the sheer fragility in the other boy’s expression.

_ ‘We paid the price,’ _ he thought solemnly

Eren was the Titan from Trost. And he probably had the Founding Titan… but at what costs? What did they pay for that little tidbit of information?

Annie.

Annie, who was the most resilient and strongest out of all of them. Annie, who was smart when she applied herself, and succeeded even when she didn’t. And out of the three of them, she should’ve been the last person to be eaten by Eren. 

Because she was his friend.

Because they were close.

And if Annie—who was the closest to Eren out of all of them—was ruthlessly eaten… then what would happen to them if they tried to capture him?

* * *

_ ‘No… don’t go away…’ _

Something was trickling down his cheeks. Was it tears? He couldn’t tell. All he could feel were the cold hands that had detached themselves from his face, leaving a sense of… loneliness behind. The hands—despite their frigidness—were gentle, and the touch was almost comforting in a sense. It calmed his raging heart and tempered his ever-growing anxiety.

“I need to tell you something!”

He tried to run, outstretching his arms in a desperate move to catch up to ‘Annie’; however, it seemed that no matter how much he ran, no matter how fast his legs moved, the figure kept on getting smaller… and smaller, until he could barely make her out from the blurriness of his vision.

“W—”

_ ‘Wait…’ _

_ ‘Wait…’ _

_ ‘Wait…’ _

“Wait! I’ll—”

**“I’ll return this to you—”**

“WAIT!”

Eren jolted upwards, his eyes widening, only to regret it the moment he opened them. It was  _ bright _ . Still, he blinked, panting heavily as if he had run for  _ hours _ . He could fear his erratic heartbeat, and his chest was heaving. Moreover, he could feel sweat clinging onto him. It was a bit uncomfortable, but he ignored the feeling in lieu of staring as his vision began to focus.

_ ‘Huh?’ _

His hands were outstretched, and… was that the ceiling? Where was he? What happened—

“Eren!”

Tilting his head to the side, he blinked. “Mikasa?” He rasped quietly.

Mikasa skidded to a stop right before his bed with a concerned expression. There were bags underneath her eyes and her whole entire appearance was ragged; from her hair to her clothes. They were wrinkled and dirty.

He wondered if the Little One said anything about her appearance.

“Eren!” Mikasa cried out, gently clasping his cheek. It was warm, unlike the hand in his dream. She let out a sigh of relief. “I…” she bit her lip, then said, “I’ll bring Squad Leader Hange.”

Reluctantly, the ebony-haired girl turned around and slowly walked out of the room—but not before sparing one last glance in his direction. Her mouth was opened, shaped as if she wanted to say something. In the end, she turned around and left, leaving the door open.

Eren blinked… once, twice, then for the third time. He turned away from the doorway and stared blankly at the mahogany ceiling. From the window beside him, little trickles of golden light illuminated the area it hit, leaving bright spots. It was a little blinding for his eyes, but…

“I heard that—Eren.”

He knew that voice. “Armin,” he greeted without thinking.

Armin paused, then nodded. He took out a chair from a desk nearby and dragged it to his bedside, watching for a brief moment, before sitting down. He stared at the bedsheets with an indiscernible expression, neither speaking nor moving as he did so. Then, he looked up and smiled—albeit shakily.

“Do you remember what happened?” The blond asked quietly.

For a moment, Eren paused. What  _ did _ happen? He pursed his lips, racking his brain for anything… then he remembered.

The expedition.

Levi Squad.

The Little One…

Annie.

“I…” he swallowed. “I eated Annie.”

Armin paused for a moment, before smiling—and this time, it was genuine. “It’s  _ ‘ate’ _ , Eren,” he corrected fondly.

“Ate… I ate Annie.”

At the sentence, Armin immediately sobered. He quietened and stared at the bedsheets awkwardly with a mixed expression.

After a moment of silence, Armin said, “The whole Survey Corps was ordered to remain quiet about this ordeal. Everyone’s… Everyone has a different opinion on—you know, your predicament.”

Eren closed his eyes, then nodded.

He continued, “After A—the Female Titan was… well,  _ gone _ , Commander Erwin ordered us to retreat back. There… there weren’t many casualties this time. But the casualties were grave because quite a few veterans perished.”

“… oh.”

Oh. Was all he could say. He had known, after all. While the casualty number was low… the members they lost were important. Old veterans and… and members of the Special Operations Squad. It bewildered him. The people he had just spoken to… joked with… were now  _ dead _ . They were gone, and he’ll never be able to hear their voices again.

He wondered if the Little One—Levi blamed him.

He wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

* * *

“Eren, I’ll cut straight to the chase,” said Hange seriously. “Because Erwin wants to meet with you later, I’m just going to collect some basic information, okay?”

Eren nodded slowly.

“Great!” A small smile graced her features, but it quickly disappeared as soon as it came. She said, “First off…” She looked up and stared straight into his eyes. “How old are you?”

“Er… I do not know?”

Hange nodded and scribbled something onto her paper. “Got it. Next question; are you a human or a Titan?”

Eren paused. The question of his humanity was always something he asked himself… but he could never tell. At times, he identified as a human. He was one, after all. He ate, slept, and did everything like a normal human. And yet… he wasn’t one. He didn’t need to eat. He didn’t need to sleep. He could easily forgo any human activities if he wished to do so… so what was he?

Was he a human who could never grow old, one who didn’t need basic necessities?

Or was he a Titan who could shift into a human?

If this had been the past, he would have readily called himself a ‘Human’. Not because it was the truth… but because he wanted to believe himself to be one. He wanted to think that he was a human being, and nothing else—a simple human, and not a monster. Because he believed that humans were good and he… wanted to be good.

“I…” he visibly swallowed. “I am not sure.”

Hange cocked her head to the side. “How so?” She asked.

He put a hand against his chest and frowned. “I was a human,” he said. “Used to be? Still am…” he looked down. “I am still not very sure.”

Humming, Hange nodded and moved to the next question. And then to the next… and then to the last question. They were all rather simple ones; neither invasive nor particularly rude… but natural ones that were to be expected with his predicament. Ones like ‘are you a human or Titan’ or ‘Where did you come from?’ were all something he could answer with ease… well, sort of.

“I don’t know.”

Hange let out a disappointed sigh. “I expected this… but…” she stared at her paper. She said, “I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t frustrated.”

“I am sorry.”

Waving his hands nonchalantly, Hange smiled. “It’s fine,” she said. “You’re just as much a victim as we are.”

A victim? Eren wanted to laugh. Sure, he may be the victim of fate—a fate that was crueler than anything else… but wasn’t everyone like that? He just happened to pull the unlucky card… right?

Or was he really a victim?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very excited for the next episode of snk!!! We're getting Eren with semi-long hair!!!!! 
> 
> RAB and Hange are all very hard to write *sweats*
> 
> **Finally, to end this chapter, here is a mini-theater! _Titled: Alternative Path_**
> 
> Reiner: You're getting too close to Eren. Stop spending time with him and spend it with us instead.  
> Annie, frowning: No. You're both stinky, ignorant, and don't understand a maiden's heart like mine.  
> Reiner: And he does???  
> Annie, shrugging: He knows his boundaries, he's clean, he's nice, and he's a much better partner than you guys. At least he's strong.  
> Bertolt, crying: but-but-  
> Annie: and most of all. I hate tall people.  
> Bertolt: *sobs*


	13. he talks to them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here... is another present... please accept it! *throws chapter at readers*
> 
> In the last chapter, I wrote about Eren and Annie's friendship, and yes. They were friends, and sadly, we might never see any interactions besides the one from chapter 3. 
> 
> **Some clarifications for this chapter!**
> 
>   * Eren's... semi-obsession with Levi is sort of similar to Mikasa's canon obsession with Eren, but less romantic and more... platonic??? He's super dependant and kinda thinks of Levi as his purpose to live. 
>   * Levi on the other hand, thinks of Eren as he thought of Isabel and Farlan. Basically, a family.
> **Warning(s):** Everything is just mentioned, but past suicide attempts and past torture. Eren's thoughts do get pretty depressing (not anything graphic) so I advise everyone to proceed with caution. Please Enjoy!


Only hours had gone by (maybe only one), but he was already anxious to get out of bed. He wanted to walk freely through the halls and to move around without being confined to the bed. So when Hange came, announcing that they would be heading to Erwin’s office, he was excited, if a tad bit scared.

Dressing carefully—or as careful as he could—he quickly buttoned his shirt, flattening the little wrinkles around the edges (as a precaution). He scrapped the idea of wearing his ODM straps for the sake of time and carelessly tossed it to the side in lieu of grabbing his jacket. Nimbly, he put his arms through each hole and smoothed down any creases, especially in the sleeve-area. He barely spared a glance at the mirror before him and immediately rushed out of the room, his hands on his head to make his bed-head at least a little bit… presentable.

He faltered when he stepped outside.

“The—Corporal Levi!” yelped Eren, scrambling to give him a respectful salute. 

“Eren,” Levi nodded. He glanced at Hange, craning his neck to do so, before turning back to the brunet, surveying his appearance with a raised eyebrow. “Good, you’re all dressed,” he murmured.

Hange looked left and right, listening to their exchange with a slight pout. “And what am I?” She complained, wiping an imaginary tear away in the process. “Chopped liver?”

“Tch,” was all Levi said. 

Eren glanced at the scientist. “Er, hello Squad Leader Hange,” he greeted softly, giving her an awkward salute—a far cry from his earlier one.

Fortunately, Hange didn’t seem to mind. She grinned and casually waved her hand in a dismissive fashion before straightening. “It’s all right.” She turned to Eren and looked at him straight in the eye. "You ready?"

Eren paused but nodded anyway, adding a soft, “Yes,” not long after.

The three walked through the empty halls with Eren in the middle, sandwiched by the two as they led him to their destination. Hange whistled softly while nonchalantly strolling, her hands in her pocket as she stared up at the ceiling. Levi, on the other hand, walked much stiffly. Instead of staring at the ceiling, as Hange had done, his gaze was focused on Eren, leaving the brunet mildly… confused.

Then, all of a sudden, Levi murmured, “Thanks.”

“... huh?”

Hange yelped.

“…” 

Both Levi and Eren turned to her, their expression rapidly changing as they saw the state she was in. One stared, unimpressed, while the other quickly walked towards her, his hands hovering in concern. 

“Well?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“I tripped,” said Hange lamely, scratching the back of her neck.

Scoffing, Levi turned away from her and looked straight at Eren. He didn’t say anything for a while, simply staring, as if he was searching for something, before saying, “... back in the forest a few years ago… you saved me… Thank you.”

Eren’s eyes widened as realization dawned upon him.

 _‘Thank you,’_ repeated in his head over and over again as his heart soared high into the sky. It felt as if it was going to burst, and his body became giddy with excitement as the reality of the situation caught up to him.

The Little One… The Little One had thanked him… The Little One had thanked him!

He had never expected a word of gratitude, even after saving The Little One not once, but _twice,_ and it was because… he never expected it. 

From afar, the Little One looked like a man of little words. He looked like someone who lived in the moment, someone who never really took the time to stop and thank the people around him. Maybe it was the look of aloofness, the cold aura, or maybe it was his superb strength that made him land on the conclusion… but for the longest time, that was whom he had believed the Little One to be.

And yet, against all his earlier expectations, the Little One was someone much… much different. The cold, apathetic exterior turned out to be… just that; an exterior, somewhat like a mask that people saw from afar. Inside, however, he turned out to be someone who was burning with passion, so much so that mere words had no way of describing it. 

“We’re here.”

Eren stopped mid-step, halting to stare at the imposing wooden door that was the first (and only) barrier from the impending… _meeting_. He touched his chest, silently hoping for it to calm down as he felt his heart beat erratically, creating rhythms that hit against his palm. He felt strangely calm despite it, unlike the last meeting where he was filled with anxiety in fear of being outed.

Or was it because of that? He had exposed himself—and on his own accord, too.

‘ _Maybe… maybe that’s why,’_ he thought as he watched Squad Leader Hange knock on the door, announcing themselves, before opening the door. 

Part of him regrets losing himself to anger, losing himself in the midst of the fighting, only to end up with the deaths of his squad members. He could still remember their lifeless bodies with vivid clarity; every detail, from the grass on the ground to the minute expressions… he remembered it all, but that wasn’t what he regretted the most.

Annie.

He had lost control. He lost whatever remaining grip he had on his form, and allowed himself to go berserk, doing who-knows-what until he finally grasped the sliver of consciousness. By then, it was too late. His jaw had closed, his hands were unable to move, and what happened afterward… was a nightmare.

He could still feel the aftermath of the blood, skin, and flesh on his tongue, all mashing up together as the red liquid ran not only down his chin but also down his throat.

 _‘Annie was crying,’_ he remembered.

A lone tear tracked down her face the moment he regained his consciousness, and… and now that he thought about it, he wondered why. Why was she crying? What did she want?

Most of all, what was that dream?

“Sit down.”

Eren blinked, momentarily freezing, before relaxing. He answered with a soft, “Yes sir,” and walked forwards to sit in the familiar chair, right across the Commander.

Beside him stood Hange and Levi, both taking out their own seats from the back of the room before settling down. Yet again, he was sandwiched between them, just as they had done when escorting him to the office. He briefly wondered if this was something they planned or if it was an unconscious action.

Fortunately, the silence wasn’t as long as his last time in his office, as Erwin immediately began to speak as soon as they all settled down.

“Eren,” he said. “Do you know why you’ve been called?”

“… I think so,” answered Eren nervously. He visibly gulped, then asked, “Is it because I—I… ate Annie?”

“Well,” it was Hange who spoke. “Sort of. Partially, yes, but we didn’t call you just to talk about the ‘incident’,” she let out a loud sigh, slouching in her seat as she waved her hand back and forth. “Of course we all want answers, like why you lost control and ate our precious source of information—” She turned to Erwin. “—but since he said to not stop you… I guess we’ll be quiet.”

Levi snorted. “She’s just unhappy that you killed another person with the ability to shift into Titans,” he clarified, then added, “Because she wanted to experiment.”

“Of course I am!” Hange exclaimed. “Especially since she could have been on the Colossal and Armored Titan’s side!”

Eren flinched and shrunk away from the tirade. “I… I am sorry.”

Hange took a deep breath, calming herself to say, “Don’t be—I meant what I said. You’re just as much a victim as we are.”

Erwin glanced at Hange, then turned back to Eren. “I’ll be blunt with you,” he narrowed his eyes. “You are the Trost Slasher, am I right?”

Eren blanched. His first instinct was to refute it. He wanted to shake his head and deny everything… but he knew that he had to be honest. He had to be! He told himself, not once, but numerous times! But… _that_ as the first question… Frankly, it was a little shocking. 

He had suspected of course, when Erwin narrowed his eyes when he lamely created a lie on the spot, but part of him hoped that at least… at least _that_ part of his life could be left alone.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and then nodded. He ignored the sharp intake of breath from Levi’s side and said, “I was.”

Erwin's voice was light, and yet commanding when he spoke. “You know that we are obligated to turn you in?”

The brunet had no time to answer when the chair beside him crashed to the floor as Levi abruptly stood up. He slammed his hands on Erwin’s desk and glared heavily at the blond man.

Erwin stared back, unaffected. Calmly, he ordered, “Sit down.”

“Oi—”

“Sit down, Levi.”

Eren watched as Levi grudgingly picked up his chair and reluctantly sat down. He crossed both his arms and legs and glared silently at Erwin. His mouth was in a scowl and his grey eyes narrowed.

“Fortunately, I have no desire to turn you in,” said Erwin after a long moment of silence. “You can be a great asset for humanity, regardless of your… background.” He looked around the room, glancing at both Levi and Hange, then turned back to Eren to ask, “Tell me, whose side are you on?

“The Titan’s? The government’s? The Survey Corps’? Or… are you on your own?”

His breath was shaky when he inhaled. His heart was still beating rapidly against his chest, and his body felt like trembling. Taking the time to regain whatever composure he had lost, he thought for a moment. The answer was obvious, of course. It was something he could respond confidently, one he could say without a shaky voice or an uncertain tone. 

“I am…”

“I am on Corporal Levi’s side.”

He heard a sharp intake of breath from his left and briefly wondered what expression the Little One had, but he was too scared to turn back and look at it himself. Was he happy? Was he angry? He was so curious, but he remained still, tensing as he looked into the Commander’s icy blue eyes with resolve.

“…” Erwin took a deep breath. “I see. My next question: what do you know about Titans?”

Hange turned to Eren. “We know that their weakness is in the name, and we also know that they have no digestive system. They also have no reproductive organs—or at least ones we can visibly see—and yet, their population is constantly growing. Their bodies are strangely light, and yet potent when flung around…” she hummed for a moment, then said, “You and the girl were both located in the nape. Do you know anything about that?”

“Uh…” Eren blinked, pausing to think, then said, “I do not know.” He let out a sigh. “I did not know the Titan’s weakness until—until _reecent—_ recently.”

Hange cocked an eyebrow. “Hoh?”

“Um. I saw the Survey Corps killing Titans—” He imitated the movements, “—and learned about their weaknesses.”

“Ah…” she let out a disappointed sigh. “ _Drat_ . I had hoped you knew, since—” she glanced at the brunet, lowering her voice as she spoke the next half of the sentence. “—you seemed to know where exactly to _eat_.”

Eren froze at the comment, his green eyes widening as he heard the implications. But he really didn’t know! He wasn’t even conscious at the time! But from the comments from _both_ Hange and Armin… whatever that happened when he ate _her_ … showed something that even he didn’t consciously understand.

Hange continued, “Of course, this may be an instinctual thing,” she stared at Eren with a calculating glint. “Which begs the question: what are Titans and how are they different from ones who can turn into a human?”

Eren wondered if he was supposed to answer.

However, she soon continued, “Of course, there’s a lot of differences that we can see with the naked eye,” she pointed at her own eyes. Pulling her face closer to Eren’s, she grinned maniacally as she excitedly spoke. “Despite being unconscious, you didn’t attack us. No, your body just steamed away as soon as the Female Titan was killed! Do you know what this means, Eren?”

“Uh… I—”

“It means that your instincts were well aware of your goal: kill the Titan!” she took a deep breath, then continued, “As soon as your job was done, your body disappeared, leaving your human body—” she pointed at his chest, “—on the ground. Uninjured! And both you and the Female Titan had your body located in the nape, right where we slice! But do the normal Titans we’d usually see on expeditions have a body there? _No!_ There’s absolutely nothing! Nothing, Eren! And—”

“Calm down, Hange,” snapped Levi.

Hange’s mouth clacked shut at the admonition. She looked at Eren, who was curled up, leaning away from her, and frowned. “Oh…” she scratched her neck. “Sorry.”

Erwin didn’t do anything during Hange’s tirade; he only listened, interested in what the bespectacled scientist was going to say. When her excited speech ended, he turned away from her, and back to the brunet. “During your fight, the Female Titan hardened part of her limbs. You were aware, yes?”

Flashes of a hardened fist heading his way surfaced, and he shuddered, nodding.

“… yes,” he answered.

“The Female Titan formed some sort of crystal, durable enough to not be easily destroyed. The possibility of our blades piercing it is little to none. And then I wondered, would you be able to do the same?”

* * *

The sentence, _‘I don’t know,’_ was being said increasingly often. It seemed as if every question being asked his way… had no answer he could actually give, and that made him feel… _useless_. He had nothing to contribute, nothing to give to help advance humanity… except… except...

His Titan powers? His ability to slice through flesh like water? Or…

He touched the cold, metal item that sat comfortably underneath his shirt. 

Or was it this key that hung from his neck, all but forgotten? He could remember nothing of where he got this key from—only that it was… well, a _key_ and that it opened _something_. The blankness in his memory of where he got this scared him. The thought of memories slipping from his mind… made him feel the familiar hollowness, the feeling of emptiness as the niggling feeling of something _missing_ got bigger and bigger as time went on.

“Oi, Eren.”

What if he really forgot something? What if it was something important? What if—

“Eren.”

Eren jolted up in surprise, tripping on the ground in the process, causing himself to stumble to the ground ungracefully. He groaned softly as he attempted to get up, using one hand as leverage as the other rubbed his aching forehead soothingly. It didn’t hurt… but it wasn’t pleasant.

“Corporal Levi?” He murmured.

Levi clicked his tongue. “Come.” Was all he said. He didn’t bother to wait and instead turned around and began walking in the opposite direction, leaving the brunet to hastily stand up to catch up to the taller man.

“Co—Corporal?” Eren stammered. “Where are we going?”

The other man didn’t answer. He simply continued walking as if he hadn’t heard him

Eren stumbled, unsure of where they were going. They had entered the part of the hallway he seldom walked through, often due to the lack of need to do so. He had never really cleaned this part of the building either, so he was completely confused as to where they were heading. Still, the other man continued to walk, neither answering nor reacting to his questions. He only led him to a deserted corridor before abruptly stopping in front of a door.

“C-Corporal Levi?” Eren tried.

This time, Levi turned around, but he didn’t speak.

Eren tried again. He said, “Corporal Levi—”

“You were the Trost Slasher.”

Eren flinched, inhaling sharply as he took a step back, away from the other man.

Levi took a step forward, shortening the gap between the two. “You… you were the Trost Slasher,” he repeated, but this time, it sounded as if he was telling it to himself rather than… Eren. He looked down at his boots, neither fidgeting nor squirming as he pursed his lips, letting the conversation fall silent.

The same couldn’t be said about Eren. He twiddled his fingers, curled where he stood, and impatiently moved his feet around, letting soft noises of shuffling be heard. His green eyes were averted, looking anywhere _but_ Levi, and most of all, his mouth was trembling. 

He was _scared._

When Levi spoke again, it was a completely different topic. It threw him off guard, but the worry didn’t lessen in the slightest. 

“You can stop protecting me,” said Levi softly.

Eren froze. He immediately shook his head in refusal. 

“It’s not a question,” Levi snapped, crossing his arms. “ _Stop protecting me_.”

Again, Eren shook his head, and this time, with more vigor than before. His hair flew into his eyes, and his head became lightheaded, but he didn’t care.

No, he cared more about this aching feeling in his heart that felt as if shards had imbedded themselves into him. It felt like a rejection—like his whole existence was denied by that one sentence. _‘Stop protecting me?’_ no! He couldn’t do that, not even in a hundred years would he be able to stop… because… because all he ever wanted to do…

… was stand beside his—his Little One.

Levi turned away from him, hiding his expression.

“You shouldn’t have been in my squad to begin with. I was selfish and ended up putting you in danger. I’ve already sent the paperwork… you’ll be in Mike’s squad from tomorrow.”

He felt as if he had been doused with icy cold, _freezing_ water. Closing his eyes, and lowering his face as he didn’t trust his expression anymore, he asked, “Why?” He cursed his trembling voice, wishing that the tears _would stop._

Levi turned his head, but Eren couldn’t see his expression. He didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to know what kind of face he had.

“Why?” He repeated, confused.

_Why?_

_Why_?

Is it…

He blinked away his tears, cursing himself. Why did he have to cry now? Why couldn’t they come later? Later… when he was alone? Why did they have to appear right—right in front of _him_?

“Is it because I kill—killed people?” Eren asked, his voice rising in hysteria with every word that came out of his mouth. “Or is it because—because I am a disgusting monster?” He paused to take a shaky, wet breath. The sound reverberated throughout the empty halls, sounding eerily like something was rattling.

“Am I that disgusting that you—” he hiccuped, “—you want to send me away? All…” his voice cracked and he lowered his voice.

“All I want… is to protect you.”

Levi stood, frozen.

He didn’t know. **He didn’t know** … that he had wanted to end his miserable life back then. And he tried—numerous times, but without the knowledge that slicing his nape was the key… he never quite succeeded. 

Back then, his life was filled with emptiness from the inside and outside. It ate him away, leaving nothing but a hollow body that had nothing. _Nothing_. He had nothing to live for, nothing to move towards… and most of all, he was _tired_ of that feeling. Living—even taking a breath was strenuous, and it felt as if this newfound freedom never existed in the first place. 

Freedom exhilarating, yes… but only at first. By the time he woke up from his slumber, only to see the large walls outside… The hole created by loneliness had become large. No matter where he went, no matter how many times he tried, he always found himself _alone_. And there he wondered… had he really gained any freedom at all? Did he escape, only to find himself shackled to something new?

Then… when the nightmares and the imprints left by them became too much for him to handle… _they_ appeared.

The people in green… and the Little One. 

Seeing the Little One gave him life. It made him _happy_ , and that feeling only increased when he saved him. When the Little One appeared in his life, it felt like a piece—something he had never realized was missing—was finally found. It made him feel whole… like he finally found a purpose in life; something to live for. 

It almost felt impossible; to live without that piece. How did he even survive in the past? How did he find the motivation to… to wait? 

But how could he say that?

How could a disgusting monster like him say anything of that sort?

He trembled, he shook. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist.

Once… once, he had said that he would never cry in front of the Little One. He had said that he would only show a strong front because… that was what he was supposed to be! Strong! His savior! The guard who simply protects their lord! And showing any kind of weakness seemed so bad—even now it did. But he couldn’t help it.

He broke down.

 _Everything—_ his anxiety, his fears, _everything_ he had bottled up… exploded at that moment, and he fell to the ground, sobbing. _Years_ , if not _centuries_ worth of anguish left his lips in wretched sobs, and he curled up, unable to stop the neverending flow of tears. It continued to trickle down his cheeks, dropping to the wooden floors, but he paid no mind. 

_‘Why is it always me?’_

_‘Why do I have to suffer?’_

Why were his parents killed that day? Why did he have to suffer? Was there something that he did—something to deserve all the pain he received? Why was it him, who slept in the waters, pained and alone as the word outside prospered? What did he do for all those experiments to be justified? He didn’t do _anything_ , and yet, his limbs were torn off and his body was torn open without a single regard for his pain. 

Why…

Why did he have to be a monster?

Uncaring of how unsightly he looked, he continued to wail, cursing the world around him. He was tired of being alone, of being empty, of the pain… why couldn’t he. Just. Take. A. Break?

Then, he felt it.

Soft and uncertain at first, but slowly warming up. It was a hand that rubbed his back in a soothing—and yet amateur way. It was almost cute, really. Like a child who was taking their first step. Unused, uncertain, and yet stubborn. The hand was warm, stroking gently as he continued to tremble, even after he stopped sobbing.

Levi looked at the curled figure on the ground, feeling an ache in his heart as he watched the brunet bawl his eyes out. His sobs were wretched, almost painful to listen, and the tears that glistened as they trickled down his cheeks incited a feeling that made him wonder… Since when? Since when did he start to feel fond for the boy, the over-enthusiastic child who fearlessly walked into his office at his worst moments, holding a tray of tea which, if he may add, was well-brewed?

When he stared at the Titan—the boy—holding him protectively against his chest even as he was being chased… he felt bad. He felt bad for using him as a tool, using him as an item to parade around just to spite Erwin. He felt bad for not noticing until it was too late… and he felt bad… because it felt like Isabel and Farlan all over again.

He wondered: how did this boy grow to stand right next to Isabel and Farlan in his heart?

Sometimes, when the boy was around, it made him want to turn to where Isabel and Farlan once stood. It made him want to say, _‘Look, we have a new member of our family.’_. Maybe Isabel would excitedly talk about a new brother—a younger brother to spoil and tease, and Farlan… Farlan would sigh at the extra job, but would ultimately accept the brunet, secretly happy at the new addition.

He would never know for sure, though.

“Sorry…” he found himself saying.

Sorry to Isabel and Farlan for putting them in danger. Sorry to Eren for using him and inadvertently hurting him.

“But I’m just an old man. What’re you doing, living for someone like me?”

“B—”

“Live for yourself. Choose your path and walk, even when times are hard,” said Levi softly. He stared at the ground, unseeing. “You always give and never expect anything in return, and if you keep doing that, you’ll have nothing else left.” Taking a deep breath, he continued, “Tell them. Whatever you’ve been wanting to tell me, tell it to them first. They deserve to know.”

Eren looked at the ground, his lips trembling as he listened to Levi speak.

He continued, “If you want, then tell me. But only _after_ you’ve told them, because they’re your family, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Eren sees Levi as his beacon of light. Without him, he has no will to live. To be told to stop is like having his whole entire reason for living denied. Very unhealthy and hopefully, he will stop depending on Levi (or anyone else) in the future.  
> * Eren doesn't know how to live for himself. While he did in the past (before becoming a Titan), the memories feel entirely alien.  
> * Levi's thought process makes me want to hide in a corner. You have no idea how many times I rewrote those few paragraphs.  
> * Hange's personality never fails to make me confused. Still, I tried to make it as canon as possible :P  
> * The original draft for this chapter said "Eren and Levi fight" but as I was writing... my hand slipped and he started to cry.  
> * Bertolt and Reiner reveal soon!!!  
> * How does one make a character sound smart???
> 
> ... you know what time it is.
> 
> **It's time for the Mini-Theater!**
> 
> Levi: Eren... Stop protecting me
> 
> Eren: (๑◕︵◕๑)
> 
> Levi: Eren... you're no longer in my squad
> 
> Eren, crying: ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
> 
> Levi, panicking: Want a lollipop?
> 
> Eren:... 
> 
> Levi: it has a limited edition Levi wrapper
> 
> Eren: ...
> 
> Levi: ...
> 
> Levi: ... wanna make some tea for me?


	14. he tells his past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update, I know... but real life pulled me back to the world of reality. Unfortunately, this is a really short chapter, barely 2k words. Hopefully, I'll be able to update next week ><
> 
> I was trying to write Eren with a sort-of obsession with Levi, but it turns out... that I didn't write an obsession at all. Oops. Anyways, I'm not satisfied with either this chapter or the last chapter, especially since I felt as if Eren's breakdown was too sudden and had too little buildup. But then again, I break down sporadically all the time :P.
> 
> Sort of filler this chapter? I tried. I really tried.
> 
>  **Warning(s):** description of blood, but not too graphic.
> 
> We will finally start the journey for our little Eren to become independent!

Eren didn’t want to say it. He was tired of saying it, and he was tired of hearing it. But he said it anyway.

“I am sorry.”

Mikasa blinked. She looked taken aback for a moment before regaining her composure in an instant. Regardless, her voice dripped with confusion, “Eren?”

He didn’t answer her but turned to Armin instead. “When I told you my story, I said that next time…” he took a breath. “Next time, I will tell you. Both of you.” He turned back to look at Mikasa. 

_‘Next time, I’ll tell you more. Next time, let’s bring Mikasa. Next time, I’ll make sure I can say everything.’_

That’s what he thought as he spoke to Armin then. Part of him, frankly… was oozing of fear. Part of him was jittery, wanting nothing more than to run away. But this time, the other part of him was stronger. It didn’t matter if he changed. He was still the same selfish, cowardly old man who hypocritically thought of himself as a ‘good’ person.

So he began his story.

“I had a family,” he began. He had a mother and father and they lived deep in the woods. They were happy, content with their quaint little house, and so was he. 

Armin already knew the story. He had been told of the story of the family living in the woods, but he looked as if it was his first time. He sat still, enraptured. His cerulean blue eyes focused on the brunet, clinging to every word despite his inelegant speech.

Mikasa was no different. Like Armin, she leaned forward, towards Eren with an expression of curiosity as she listened to him speak.

“One day… I found a tree,” he regaled softly. 

The tree was a poor thing, pathetic in a way. It was shriveled up, yellowed, but he wanted to help it. So he did. Slowly, day by day, little by little, he began his project to nurture the tree back to health. Days, maybe even months went by, and the three became a magnificent thing. Its branches were long, elongated, and twisted as it grew in size. Eventually, it began to push the other trees away, pushing and pushing until the trees succumbed, creating a little clearing that gave the tree just enough light.

Then… “Bandits killed my parents.” But they already knew that. “And… And I watched as she died.”

He saw Mikasa stiffen, but he continued, “She… the bandits hurt her. She was screaming. She was in pain… but I stood there and did nothing. I just watched—I just watched! I just stand—stood there as…”

“As…”

Eren took a moment to pause. He took a deep breath and sniffled softly, wiping his face roughly with his sleeve. Why were they wet? He… he was just telling a story. It was just a story! And yet… the unmistakable ache was back. His chest constricted and his heart _hurt_.

It hurt to remember. It hurt to speak. It hurt to… to see the bandits. It hurt to hear her scream with clarity… as if it wasn’t the past.

And… and it hurt to know that he did _nothing_ to help her.

Letting out a breath, he continued, “They burnt the house down and… and they were chasing me.”

He remembered it clearly.

Tears streamed down his face, tickling his cheeks gently as they fell. The blood in-between his fingers was wet and sticky. He held the knife with both hands, limply hanging right in front of him as he took the time to stop to glance at the blazing fire.

His home. His family. They were all gone.

With unseeing eyes, he gazed blankly at the molten inferno. His heart pounded with fear, pounding against his ribcage, and when he heard the soft rustle of the grass and the sharp ‘crunch’ of footsteps, he started his run.

It began slowly, like hesitant steps, before turning into a mad dash. He blinked out the tears in his eyes and hastily wiped away the stray droplets that itched his cheek. His feet ached, and his breath was labored, but he continued regardless, with only one destination in mind.

The forest.

Surely, the dark forest would protect him, right? It was a safe place, filled with trees, and—and with the darkness, it would definitely be the ideal place to hide… right?

He took the moment to pause behind a tree, leaning on the trunk as he attempted to regain his breath. He was panting and he choked on his tears several times. Uncaring of the blood, both old and new on his hands, he covered his mouth, desperately trying to muffle his breathing. 

His knees hurt, covered in dirt and blood from the number of times he had fallen, and his feet were bruised. Every movement sent jolts of pain up his leg, however, slow as it was, he slowly moved forwards, one step at a time. A feeling of tranquility washed over him and he lowered his hand, letting himself breathe normally.

He was safe.

He was _safe._

His fingers burned from loosely gripping the knife and the slippery texture didn’t help one bit. 

If his mom was alive, she would definitely scold him for holding the knife in such a dangerous way. But she was dead. 

He looked down at his hands and winced. Despite the darkness, it was unmistakable that his hands were injured. He could see a blister in one hand from playing with the tree and a small cut on the other from his failed attempt at grabbing an apple. However, those weren’t the only ones.

Small slices lined against his index finger and thumb, all made from the knife in his hands. The wounds wept of blood, mixing it with his mother’s until it was no longer discernible

“Mom,” he croaked softly.

What should he do?

He let out a soft sob as he lowered himself to the ground. Curling up in a fetal position, he started to cry in earnest as the events finally caught up to him.

His mom was dead. And so was his dad.

Where should he go?

Slowly, he got up from his spot and hesitantly began to walk. His legs weren’t as aching as before now, he noted hollowly as he took another step. He could see the burning house from afar, still glowing brightly, noticeable even from the depths of the forest.

 _‘Are they gone?’_ he thought.

Where were the bandits? He scanned the nearby area, inching slowly out of the darkness of the trees as curiosity overcame him.

That was his downfall.

It took him a moment to register the first arrow. The hot searing pain in his hands, stinging ruthlessly as old blood entered his fresh cuts… and the sheer exhaustion he felt muted down any feeling of pain. However, when the realization dawned upon him… the agony came.

A hand grabbed his thin wrists, holding them in a vice grip as it roughly pulled him backward. The feeling of fear was back and his heart raced as he was forced to face the bandits. This was how he was going to die… wasn’t it? A miserable end in the dark forest, and it wouldn’t be painless. If the state of his mother and father’s body were of any indication… he knew that much.

“I do not remember that much,” Eren admitted softly. “But I…” he swallowed. “I remember stabbing them. And… and falling into something.”

He fell into icy cold water, freezing enough that his fingers blued. But he was safe. That was all that mattered back then. All that he could think was that his prayers were answered, so… he closed his eyes.

“There are a lot of things I do not know,” he said. “But I know that when I wak—woke up, I was in a cell.”

Then the experiments began.

“I killed people there too,” he said truthfully. “I think… I think I killed a lot of people.” He warily looked up, fearful of what their expression may be.

Were they angry? Were they disgusted?

Of all of the expressions he expected… he didn’t expect… sadness. 

They were sad. But at whom?

Were they sad at his parents who were killed? Or were they sad at the bandits he stabbed? No, that couldn’t be it. Then were they sad at the people he killed? 

Regardless, he continued, “The… the place burned down and… and…” he bit his lip. “And I stayed.”

There was a sharp inhale from his left, but he didn’t look up. “When I woke up, I was in a forest. The forest was big, very tall! And the sun was very warm. It was very comfortable, so I went to sleep. 

“And that was the first time I saw the walls.”

* * *

It was karma. Or was it fate? There was no doubt that this… whatever it is, was his inevitable destiny he could never get away from, no matter how hard, how fast, and how much he ran. That much was certain. 

He imagined that it was because of his tranquil past. He lived a life of ignorance back then, blissfully unaware, and all too entitled to even spare a thought towards the word ‘gratitude’. It was only after losing it, not only once, but _twice_ that he finally knew just how much he took everything for granted.

Yes, that was what it was; the repercussions of his past life. And for the life he lived now, he paid it… with knowledge. Knowledge that he would have been happier _not_ knowing. But here he was, finding out about things of the past.

 _‘What use is that?’_ he bitterly thought. Knowing the past did nothing. He couldn’t change it. He could only stare in lamentation as he watched himself do things that he could have fixed. See things that could have been prevented. It was truly impossible to live without regrets. Every option that he chose was shown right before him, and every mistake… every misstep… everything he decided turned against him.

“I’m sorry…”

He tilted his head to the side. His vision was blurry and he could only make out blobs of vague shapes, but he was certain that it was _her_ . Even without ever hearing her voice, it felt strangely familiar. Past feelings of fondness, ache, and _love_ surfaced in his heart as he listened to her speak.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated softly.

A hand landed on his forehead, gently rubbing as she repeated the two words over and over again. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

He opened his mouth, lips trembling, and voice croaky as he tried to speak. One word. One word…

“M-mom.”

With a jolt of surprise, he froze for a moment. The memory continued, however, regardless of his turmoiled feelings.

His mom. His _mom_ let out another sob, crying as she burrowed her face into the sheets. He could feel the bed move, shifting and rustling on his back as his mom continued to tremble, inhaling shakily after every poorly-concealed sob.

“—dear, I’m sorry.”

_‘Huh?’_

The hand on his forehead disappeared. He let out a keen noise from the back of his throat, arching his back in an attempt to get the warmth back. His head was heavy, awfully so. Then, the hand returned, and he relaxed into the bed once again. This time, however, the hand slowly moved downwards, stopping by his cheeks.

It stung.

Not the action, but his cheeks. It stung. Badly so.

“W-whe-re’s Dad?”

He bit his lips in regret when the hand tensed. His blurry vision remained focused on the figure beside the bed, whose pale arms were stretched to soothingly touch his cheek.

“Don’t worry—he’s only at work.” Then, much softly, she murmured, “He’s only at work.”

 _‘They were happy,’_ he remembered saying. _‘We were happy and that was all that mattered.’_

But then… what’s this?

A memory whose implications were clear, shown as if to slap him in the face for ever thinking, _assuming_ that his family was perfect.

Ah… he was tired. Tired. Tired. Tired.

If only there was a way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to show both Ymirs, a conversation with Hange, AND Eren's thoughts... but then this chapter grew its own legs and started running in the wrong direction. And when I said 'wrong' direction, I mean WRONG direction. 
> 
> *inserts an image of a book with muscular legs running away*
> 
> Honestly? My muse was also absent last week, especially due to 137 (which yeeted this whole fic at my face). Anyhow, reminder that this is canon-divergence and will NOT be following chapter 137.


	15. he retreats (interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Hange and Eren interact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude? Sort of interlude????
> 
> Little short snippets because that's all I managed *phew*

The first thing Eren did in the morning after his… abrupt breakdown was head to Erwin’s office.

Surely, the Little One didn’t send him away, right? It couldn’t be! … right? After all, a squad transfer wasn’t something as simple as sending in a sheet of paper—oh… but the Little One had a lot of power, didn’t he?

By the time he reached Erwin’s office, he had long since stopped thinking about it. Trying to hypothesize whether the Little One really transferred him to another squad was useless… especially when he was heading to the office for the sole purpose of finding out.

As he stared at the intimidating wooden doors, his hands raised, and his fists clenched to knock, he paused.

Was it really yesterday? Yesterday, that he was called to the office, yesterday, that he broke down in front of the Little One… yesterday, that he was told that he would be transferred.

All of that felt like a dream, to be honest. It felt so unreal, so far away… that it surprised him. He remembered the feeling of bottled-up anguish. He remembered the feeling of despair… but at the end of the day, all of that felt…  _ fake _ . Like a dream that never happened. After all, how could he? How could he ever admit that he was… dependent on a single person? Dependent on him for his whole life purpose?

And the Little One was right. He should live for himself… but it was hard. It was such an easy concept, it was so simple… but it was  _ hard _ . For someone who aimlessly wandered for centuries with no past or identity whatsoever… it wasn’t all that simple.

Sure, Armin and Mikasa were his family. Sure, he loved them. But he knew that if the Little One were to die… he would truly lose the little piece that kept him stable this whole time.

It was embarrassing.

“Oh? Eren? What are you doing here?”

…

And this was also embarrassing.

“N-nothing,” Eren stammered out.

Hange stared at the brunet, confused. “You were going to knock, weren’t you?” She asked.

“We-well, yes—”

She looked genuinely puzzled. “But that isn’t ‘nothing’,” she commented slowly.

“…”

What would someone usually say if they were in his situation? Would they play it off like a joke? Or would they agree?

But Eren wasn’t normal, so he said, “O-oh, well—uh—I heared—heard that the-Corpora Levi sent a… a… transfer… slip?” He winced at his wording.

“Slip?” Hange echoed. Then, she lit up. “Oh! The transfer slip!” She exclaimed, before chuckling lightly. “Silly Eren,” she said fondly.

“Huh?”

“Ah…. The slip…  _ disappeared _ ,” Hange grinned.

Eren cocked his head in confusion. “Huh?”

Hange smiled knowingly. She said, “Levi may have sent the slip, but it doesn’t mean that Erwin agreed. He probably threw the paperwork away the moment he saw it.” She turned to Eren, waggling her eyebrows. “Did you really think that we’d let you?”

Yes, he wanted to answer, but he bit his lip and looked away instead. Unfortunately, Hange saw that.

“Aw…” she pouted. “You really did. Meanie.”

Eren blushed.

Hange laughed even harder.

“Speaking of which, why were you in front of Erwin’s office when he’s absent? Didn’t we tell you that he’s at Stohess?”

“…”

* * *

“Tell me the truth. Do you know who the Armored and the Colossal Titan are?”

Eren tensed. He blinked at the sudden question for a second, before looking warily at the scientist. He bit his lips and swallowed.

“And if I do?” He asked cautiously as if he were toeing on a thin string from above.

Green eyes met light brown.

Hange took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment as if resigned, before blinking them open. She stared at the brunet with a severe expression, her mouth pursed and her eyes narrowed. “Then I would be disappointed,” she replied seriously.

Flinching at her answer, Eren turned away, unable to stand her stare, but he was unsurprised. It was understandable, especially with how hard she worked. He, too, would be disappointed if an answer he had been searching for was in the hands of an ignorant brat.

He whispered, “I do.”

“Who?”

The image of Reiner of Bertolt surfaced, overlapping with the sight of the Armored and Colossal. However, Reiner and Bertolt were smiling. Not creepily or unkindly in any way, but… like the old times. They were grinning like two proud older brothers, and Reiner’s hand was outstretched as if reaching for someone’s head to pat. But the overlap made the image seem… ominous.

“Who, Eren?” Hange repeated impatiently.

Eren took a deep breath and turned to the Squad Leader, visibly swallowing as he answered with a shaky voice, “Reiner and… Bertolt.”

Hange paused, “Those two?”

“… yes.”

Eren didn’t know what he expected. If this were the Commander, he would send him away dismissively. If this were the Little One, then he would say something encouraging before sending him away. But Hange? He was unsure.

But he certainly didn’t expect… a head pat.

A head pat. 

And a good one. 

“Huh?” He blinked, confused at the action.

“Thank you,” whispered Hange.

Somehow, those two words made his throat dry. It burnt his eyes and grabbed ahold of his lungs, making it terribly hard to breathe.

Why did it hurt so much?

* * *

“A retreat?”

“Well,” Hange scratched her cheek. “Sort of. But more of a safety precaution than an actual retreat.”

Eren cocked his head to the side, confused. “Why?” He asked.

“We can’t trust them to not appear again, especially with Trost and the latest expedition,” Levi answered darkly.

“ _ And _ because keeping everyone in one place would make it harder for them to act out,” Hange added. She smiled at Eren before turning to Levi. “And  _ you _ , Humanity’s Strongest, will be waiting at headquarters for Erwin’s return.”

“Oi, Shitty Glasses—”

“Because while  _ this _ —” Hange interrupted, waving her hands around in a vague gesture, “—is a safety precaution,  _ you _ are also our back-up just in case they actually appear…” she paused, then added, “And also because you need to take a break.”

Levi glared at Hange, an insult at the tip of his tongue as he abruptly stood up from his seat. His expression darkened and he slowly walked towards the mad scientist before being stopped.

By Hange’s hand.

Hange’s uncleaned (who knows when she last washed it) hands.

“What the fuck!” Levi swore as he flinched away.

Eren watched with half-curiosity and half-amusement as the Little One continued swearing strings of curses, all while whipping out his handkerchief and wiping his mouth with it rigorously. He continued to wipe for several seconds, before quietly putting it away and turning to a laughing Hange with a murderous expression.

“Shitty. Glasses,” the Little One spit out. And quite literally did he do so. He gave Hange approximately two seconds before breaking out in a run.

Eren didn’t know whether or not to be amused or concerned.

* * *

Eren stood, rigidly still like a statue as he looked at the scenery from above. Several soldiers stood right beside him, some watching him in fear, while others simply stared at something else. There was little conversing going on, which kept the air around them tense and awkward.

“Really?” Nanaba said incredulously. “One of those kids was conspiring with Annie Leonhart?”

Hange nodded before turning to Eren and lightheartedly ruffling his hair, much to his chagrin. “Yep! And according to our favorite Titan-minus-Sawney-and-Bean,” she took a breath, “It’s the two kids named Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover—also known as the Armored and Colossal Titan!”

“Squad Leader Hange, please don’t smile at such a situation,” Moblit tiredly sighed.

“But,” Mike interjected quietly, “How do we know that Annie Leonhart had a hand in the breach of Wall Maria five years ago?”

“We don’t,” answered Hange nonchalantly.

Nanaba blinked, “What?”

“But it isn’t a possibility that we can ignore, since the three of them supposedly came from the same village,” Hange cheerfully added.

“Squad Leader Hange…”

* * *

“This place isn’t far from my village,” Connie said as he stared blankly out of the window, his mouth open, and eyes half-lidded.

The majority of the newer recruits were cramped in one single room, unable to do anything remotely… soldier-like. It was nerve-wracking for all of them; to be abruptly told to stay indoors for seemingly no reason at all.

“It’s very close to my hometown too,” Sasha drawled.

The both of them sighed.

It was a sight that would have been comical if it wasn’t for the situation. However, none of them had the energy to point it out. They were all too bored and tired.

“We’ve come all the way to the south of Wall Rose. Why can’t we go back?” Connie complained.

Sasha nodded. “It’s not like we’re doing anything,” she agreed. “We’re just sitting here all day.”

Connie cocked his head to the side, right into Sasha’s direction. “Maybe I’ll sneak out,” he muttered.

Armin turned away from Reiner and Bertolt’s chessboard and frowned. “Come on, Connie. You shouldn’t sneak out,” he glanced at his surroundings warily. “Especially now.”

There was a soft  _ ‘click’ _ from the chessboard as Reiner moved his peace. “Armin,” he said before turning to the blond boy. “You don’t think that this is strange?” He raised an eyebrow, gesturing towards everyone in the room. “Why aren’t we in uniform? Our orders said not to wear our combat uniforms and not to train, but why? We’re soldiers!”

“Uh…”

Reiner looked out of the window and continued, “What makes it even more strange is that all those soldiers are fully equipped.” He then took a look around the room, his frown worsening the longer he stared. “And coincidentally, Eren isn’t here.”

“And what about it?” Mikasa snapped, glaring at the tall blond. “What about Eren’s absence?”

“All the newer recruits except for Eren are here. I’m not saying that  _ he’s _ suspicious,” he put both of his hands up. “I’m just saying that this is all too strange.”

Connie sighed, “He’s probably under watch. Y’know, for being a Titan and all.”

“To think that he and Annie were Titans all along,” Jean muttered.

They all quietened at the statement; Reiner looking down at the table, Bertolt clumsily attempting to clean the chessboard, Armin and Mikasa looking away, Connie sighing, and Sasha…

Sighed and laid her head on the table.

“’M bored,” she murmured. “I’m just… going to take a nap.”

Jean sighed exasperatedly, but he didn’t say anything besides a soft, “Geez.”

“Sasha, don’t sleep,” Mikasa shook Sasha’s shoulder. “This is why you have trouble sleeping at nigh—”

Sasha abruptly sat up, her eyes wide in fear as she yelled, “I hear footsteps!”

“Of course, you’d hear footsteps,” Connie reasoned. “There are a lot of officers outside, after—"

“Titans!” Sasha yelled.

Reiner glanced at Bertolt for a second and their eyes met. They shared a silent conversation between the two before Reiner turned back to Sasha with a grave expression.

“You realize that would mean…” he swallowed, “They’ve broken through Wall Rose.”

The room was eerily quiet as everyone glanced at each other, all equally confused. Some scoffed at Sasha’s statement, choosing to sit, while others nervously looked around, paling with every moment, anxious for what may come, because if Sasha heard it… then they were close.

Very close.

Reiner on the other hand glanced back at Bertolt. There was no way the wall could have been breached when… they were the ones who had done it. It was impossible! But  _ it had happened _ . If Sasha was right, then the Titans were nearby, and yet, no one had come to alert them of the breach.

What’s going on?

_ Then _ , they heard a voice from above, “WALL ROSE HAS BEEN BREACHED AND A HORDE OF TITANS… ARE ATTACKING FROM THE SOUTH!”

Sasha looked at Reiner with an ‘I-told-you-so’ face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be taking a break after this chapter! Probably a week or two without updates ><
> 
> * Hange makes Levi's transfer slip 'mysteriously' disappear  
> * head pats because I wanted to (keep Eren ignorant of the state of her hands)  
> * isym confined that Hange's hair was very greasy. How the hell did Levi even manage to grab her hair in season 1   
> * I miss Nanaba and Mike.
> 
> \+ definitely will include Ymir (historia's ymir) in the next chapter!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are appreciated! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> follow my Twitter [Here!](https://twitter.com/sevenjiu)


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